I'm a dev who never wants to be on call again. What are my best options?

Program different kinds of software. "On call" isn't a thing for some kinds of software. If it's not deployed to a production server, it likely doesn't have software engineers on call.

A company that has internal customers that go to bed every day. Bankers, underwriters, etc

I'd aim for a giant bank / financial services company. Some still mandate dedicated Ops/Prod Support teams. It can definitely have it's drawbacks, but you're very unlikely to ever be called out.

Not an answer to your question but I used to keep the on call money in a separate pot. Then over time I would buy something fun from the pot, like some new tech. I found this helped me.

HFT is one, they switch off when they leave for the night, unless it's crypto. HFT is demanding in other ways though

Dry corporate software that is only used during work hours in your time zone.