There was no metastasis detected - I am essentially healthy at this point, it is done out of abundance of caution given how the cancer cells spread outside the tumor (still all within the excised tissue).
However I am afraid the human suffering on the oncology ward will hit me hard. Already, when waiting for a PET scan, seeing a bald 6-year-old kid made me feel uneasy.
What to do? How not to lose sanity?
Given the high survival rate for testicular cancer, it's easy to feel a bit guilty in the the chemo ward. Yes, most people there are going to be going through a tougher battle, but to offset that, you're going to feel like crap as well. Cisplatin in particular (the "P" in BEP) has a reputation for causing nausea and vomiting :-) As my oncologist told me beforehand, "it's not going to be a walk in the park".
So, you need to be concentrating on looking after yourself during the treatment. Make sure you drink tons of fluid, and try to exercise every day. You still need to eat, so try to find some things that you like - now is not the time to stick to your diet! You'll also need to watch out for infections and maintain a high degree of cleanliness during your treatment. Maintaining a positive mindset is really important too. Keep your mind busy when you can, and sleep when you need to.
Somewhat surprisingly, my overall experience was somewhat positive (this was my first experience of any serious medical issues). The staff and nurses in the chemo ward were super kind and supportive. Conversations with other patients were usually surprisingly positive.
Anyway, good luck with your treatment!
That said, I kept focusing on getting through it. I recognized a lot of people had it far worse than me. My cancer was in a muscle. So, radiation wasn't as bad as it would've been for, say, a brain tumor. Surgery was somewhat painful, but that part of the body can take a beating so it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I tried my best to remain thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could've been.
I mapped out my treatment weeks on a calendar so I could see progress and how much closer I was getting to being done. I focused on my kids and staying strong for them. It was extremely hard on them, so pretending to be positive made it easier on them, which in turn made it easier on me. Lastly, I set a goal. Something to look forward to when everything was DONE. When I told the kids I was sick they, of course, lost it. When everyone stopped crying I said that I think we'd need a big vacation after treatment was over. We settled on Disney World. Talking through it with them and saying, "When this is over..." helped a lot. When we finally did go you could see everyone in the family visibly relax because psychologically the fact that we were there meant things were DONE.
Best of luck to you. Stay strong. Get healthy.
This is my world at the moment (terminal melanoma and no more treatment options left after 2 years of immunotherapy). What you’re seeing is not human suffering but human survival, and it’s an absolutely beautiful thing.
It will be OK :)
What are you most anxious about? The chemo or the cancer? I ask because it seems strange to hyper focus on one thing, and often its a result of anxiety. It would be good to tackle your anxieties, just to be safe.
Yes the oncology ward is quite sad, I spent 3 months in one and it's really one of the most tragic places to be.
That being said, most people are helped by chemo, so I found it easy to stay positive about outcomes, especially for a 6 year old.
I distracted myself on my laptop, watched a lot of YouTube (Thanks WAN show for a bazillion episodes).