I'm not saying I could do better necessarily. We even built an experience like this accidentally at a startup I worked at previously.
The point is that the experience is super annoying, and it's a mystery to me why it keeps happening given that software companies have very strong incentives to get the onboarding experience right.
Bad onboarding leads to less conversion which leads to less money.
Why isn't this enough for companies to invest more in onboarding?
I put it down to too many cooks in the kitchen. Users can't README.TXT. There's no box with the software, so there's no helpful chart of hotkeys either.
The easiest, most palatable solution will always be adding the stupid tutorial and allowing it to be dismissed with a "Never show me this again" checkbox.