I know that there are plenty of people who do that. I am trying to learn what is the best course of action for me.
if it is an universal experience, then trying to change jobs is pointless.
If it is not, then it is possible for me to find something that I won't hate either.
I've been working here for six+ years and in the best of times I just feel that I am wasting my life away. At worst, I was actively suicidal.
Right now, I am living my life on weekends, somewhat exist in a sad state during weekdays.
It does make sense to look for something new while being employed, but I am unable to do that. I end my day exchausted not wanting to touch computer at all. I would need at least a month before I could touch computer again without being in tears for the pain that this thing causes me.
I don't hate tech. I love reading research, I love implementing things. I love doing complex things, I love digging deeper.
It really pains me that I am completely incompetent in any of that. In general, I don't know what should I do next.
If you can give advice, please help.
Thank you.
PS: Throwaway for obvious reasons
I've been with my company for 11 years and there have definitely been ups and downs, including me moving to an entirely different department as a trial instead of outright quitting. There will always be compromises no matter where you work, even at a dream job. Most days I struggle to merely exist but my company has built goodwill by working with me instead of mercilessly writing me up for whatever they can to fire me, as I've read about at many places. What makes a good workplace has to do with the work, but more has to do with the business itself and how management directs the atmosphere.
Hopefully this helps without being preachy :)