I am trying hard, but I just can't.
The problem is that I see this as a fundamental waste of time.
I mean, I get to eat something and I have roof over my head and I am grateful for this.
The big question is what I am passionate about. I would really really love to work on longevity research, on hard problems.
But I am not even sure about this, I would love to be challenged. I would love to do things that are hard.
I mean, there is no point in all of this, at the very least I could shoot for the stars for the time that I have left on this cursed planet.
I've been sort of doing this backend stuff for 12 years already I don't want to die doing only this, you know.
So I am asking a general question, what would you do in my place.
Thank you,
with all the love in the world, Em
UPD: as always fix typos
I'd start by asking whether you're trying to find meaning to your life in work. "Working to live", when you've got a really rewarding life in other areas, is usually a lot more sustainable than "living to work".