How do you describe what you do at parties?

I think you seriously overestimate how much other people care about things that do not affect or interest them. It has nothing to do with how you describe your work. The only person that might be interested is another software dev. Adjust your expectations and talk about something you have in common.

I went to a conference once for sales professionals targeting high net worth individuals. There was a session on how to be an interesting person with lots of hobbies and personal experiences so that you could better connect with people who also had abundant personal lives.

Go read “How to win friends and influence people.” Key takeaway: it’s not all about your emotional needs.

I usually start out with, "Have you ever heard of SCSI?"

Do you do something interesting or unusual? Something worthwhile or dangerous? No? Then people aren't going to ask you any follow up questions; they're making small talk.

Imagine it's the other way round - you're at a party and meet the host's sister's boyfriend's cousin and ask what they do "Oh, I do reinsurance claims for mid-sized retail acquisitions in the aluminium industry." You can either get into a tedious conversation about that, or ask about literally anything else.

If you want people to be interested in you - you need to be interesting. You don't do software engineering (what?) at a fintech (huh?) startup (like Facebook?) - instead you say "I am building an app that helps X do Y."

All of a sudden you're using an active word (building) related to something people understand (an app!) and they might even know about X or Y. If they do, you can have a little conversation.

If not, well, how about that local sports team? I hear they played a few games.

breaks my mind to see the clueless faces when I say I'm a software engineer .. and in 21st century no less

I usually tell people I add and remove buttons on the screen. People look at me like I'm a idiot and change the subject.

This comes up quite a bit for me. Army people frequently wonder what it’s like to be a software developer. It used to be:

I drive an hour to an office so that I can spend half the day on phone conferences where just like to hear the sound of their own voice. Nothing is accomplished, so sometimes I just take a nap until the call is complete.

Half the rest of the time is spent with inexperienced developers convincing themselves about how awesome they are as they dick around blindly in some stupid bloated framework. It’s just an excuse for people who never be there in the first place to fell empowered when all they accomplish is putting text on screen.

When I want to actually program and actually accomplish something productive I either write personal software or I contribute to open source projects online. Sometimes I just take long walks outside. Then I spend an hour or more driving home.

"I look at numbers all day and try to come up with stories that might explain the incomprehensible to the indifferent people." (stole this one from Peter Watts, it's funnier than saying I'm a data scientist at a fintech company).

Talk about what you help people do, it doesn't have to be you personally but the company in general.

From a technical or thinking standpoint, the most interesting thing to you might be the tools you use or the hard technology problem to be solved.

But from a feeling and emotional standpoint the most important thing is what you do that enables people to work with other people or do the $(thing they want to do).

> I work as a software engineer for a fintech startup

You could say "we're trying to make it easier/better for people to $(do the thing your customers are trying to do)."

You know how you go to Amazon or RandomSite and the results you get back from their site search suck? I try to make it suck less.

[delayed]

To most people "I run a software business" and then if more questions come through, I expand further. Sometimes to family/uncles/aunts, I just say "I work in IT".

Don't be ashamed of telling them what you do. It's their problem, not yours.

Also, be aware that you will invite questions such as "can you fix my computer" and "what computer should i buy" if you do tell the truth.

I think a good answer to a non-technical crowd might be something like "I make websites". That is about as simple and easy to understand as you can get. And if they followup with any questions, you can give more detail about your industry and work that you do.

I drink and chill...

Usually elicits positive responses when I say I contribute to hardware and software that helps you enjoy movies like Cars and Moana with your kids!!!