HACKER Q&A
📣 jskkh

When is it ok to burn a bridge?


I do not get along with the VP of product at the small startup I work at. This person does not listen, over complicates everything they touch, and is just not a genuine person that I have a really hard time working with.

I have made attempts to try and find different ways of working with this person to try and create a better environment, but it hasn’t helped and the longer I stay at this company the worse it gets.

I never want to burn bridges professionally but I cannot see a time or place in the future where I would want to work with this person or be associated with them in any way. I honestly feel like this is a natural thing that happens with humans from time to time, we encounter people who are just incompatible with how we want to live our own lives and I think it’s healthy to acknowledge this and be able to move on. Professionally this doesn’t seem to ever be the advice given though because you will lose the ability to ask this person for a job at some point if needed, and there is significant downside in having this person not vouch for you.

I already know the relationship between us is not good, not salvageable, and that is ok with me but I just want to be able to go out separate ways without always feeling bad or worrying about it like this decision is going to come back to bite me someday. Since this person is in a leadership position, I feel like I am always going to have to deal with the ramifications of not being able to work well with them


  👤 jstx1 Accepted Answer ✓
What do you mean by burning a bridge? You can leave professionally and politely regardless of how you feel about this person.

👤 acqbu
Sounds like you've already made up your mind so don't overthink it.

You'll most likely never see this person ever again and even if you did, you wouldn't want to work with/for them so why would it matter?

Best advice would be to exit gracefully, no need to "burn a bridge".

If you want to play it really safe and keep your options open, be diplomatic about it and, once you secure a new role, say you found something more aligned with your long term career goals / better pay / enticing product etc and you decided to move on but are happy to stay in touch.


👤 brudgers
I cannot see a time or place in the future where I would want to work with this person or be associated with them in any way.

Burning bridges can be seen from afar.

Thus the bridge burner usually becomes the "this person" for people who see it because nobody wants to work with an arsonist if they can avoid it.

You tried to fix the bridge and couldn't. Just cross it and continue on your journey. Good luck.