HACKER Q&A
📣 asim

What do you do to combat loneliness and isolation?


I'm older now but in my teens and twenties I suffered significantly from loneliness, isolation and depression. I don't think I ever found a good way to deal with it. I think spending time with friends was a distraction but never solved the underlying problem. Being married and having kids fixes some of it but I believe a lot has to do with becoming separated from a community you grew up in. Especially for me now I feel more and more like I'm in search of that community.

Just curious to know how people are dealing with or have dealt with these things.

  👤 sebastianconcpt Accepted Answer ✓
My understanding of friendships is that they are non-material investments. True friendship can't be materially transactional and needs to exclude material opportunism. But it somehow has to be emotionally transactional. Like making emotional deposits without expecting anything in return but if you choose to whom you gave yours right, paradoxically it pays off plenty.

Also true friendship celebrates other's success as you want to see true friends celebrating yours (genuine admiration, the opposite of masqueraded envy).

So it has to start from a place of abundance and generosity and set the example and organically evolve.

Also, the most technical piece of information I've got on how to detect very early potential for good/deep friendships, sort of "good friend radar algorithm" comes from an idea by St Augustine: genuine friendship comes from same likes and same dislikes.

It doesn't matter the culture or history or age, it can be from another galaxy for the matter, if in the deep psychology you share values that you like and share values that you dislike, there is a fertile foundation for good friendship to bloom. A space for a natural emotional alliance.

👤 turtleyacht
What kind of community would you like to be a part of?

Do you see yourself as a leader or a follower?

Thank-you for working on Malten:

https://malten.com/