To elaborate on this I'd describe myself as usually "excitable" or "jolly" in social situations because I genuinely enjoy talking/conversing with others and hearing what they have to say etc. This often isn't focused on "personal subjects" (unless appropriate) but rather technical topics (much of why I enjoy HN and other technical/applied-knowledge forums).
My conflict is that behaving like this just doesn't feel right. I almost feel that "showing personality" gives others the impression I am lacking technical skills or don't take things seriously. The majority of people I've worked with in engineering positions seem so calm, composed, and stoic. I find these character traits admirable but they don't necessarily come naturally to me. I worry that during interviews I come across as a "risky hire" and the behavior described is "holding me back" in some way.
This was mostly a rant up to now and it's nice to organize thoughts and get to "what's the point of writing this"?
I think working in/at/for an Organization is partially about "conforming" to the group and being able to fit-in (or just not sticking out). This can be relevant for career advancement among other things. At the end of all this I just feel that I don't fit-in.
This is probably a double-edged sword and others may feel a similar way about things in reverse.
Regardless, am curious if others feel/have felt this way and if there are thoughts about this dynamic in general.
cheers
> "excitable" or "jolly": This by itself is not a problem unless it is out of context with the rest of the situation. If behavior is out of sync with the situation this can easily be misinterpreted as a lack of understanding.
> seem so calm, composed, and stoic : This can easily be disengagement. So don’t put too much weight on this. Although that’s what corporate culture wants you to be: “uber rational”. Humor as you noted, can easily be construed as lack of control on emotions.
> "showing too much personality" : This can be a stumbling block based on the overall culture of the company and also your direct managers and what their attitudes are. Some won’t care, while for others this might make them insecure. “Deviant” often gets misinterpreted as “defiant”, or as asking for too much attention aka high-maintenance.
> working in/at/for an Organization is partially about "conforming" to the group and being able to fit-in : As much as organizations try to deny this, it’s very much a reality. At the end of the day companies are made up of humans and we are biased. There’s research since the mid 70s that even has a name for how people often get picked for promotions on how well they fit with the overall philosophy that goes unsaid but exists regardless - Implicit Leadership Theory. I riffed on this a bit(link below) that might useful.
https://www.leadingsapiens.com/implicit-leadership-theory-ef...
For example, someone who might suffer from depression/anxiety/bipolar or a dozen other conditions will have to look in the mirror and put a smile on before meeting their colleagues each day.
The stigma around conditions can very quickly change the opinion of colleagues/management (whether intentional or not) and could result in situations like "Can we trust Joe Bloggs to finish X on time for client Y, or will he be in the middle of another depressive episode for which _we_ all need to pick up the slack? Is this a risk we can take?"
Before you know it, Joe Bloggs is on a "Perfomance Improvement Plan", and because he didn't raise his condition/illness before with HR (through fear it would haunt him)... Joe Bloggs is quickly out the door.
I would go so far as to say it's the norm in tech for a large number to have a different work/home personality.
It's important to fit in, but people also like people that are authentic, passionate and stand out in some way.
Fitting in and conforming to the group will stop you from being below average and an outsider, but will also stop you from excelling and being a leader.
It's kind of like dressing or fashion - it's better to wear a smart suit and tie to blend in than wearing something scruffy that sticks out as bad, but it's even better if you can own a look that sticks out as unique, like Steve Jobs with the black turtlenecks.
While some people prefer to keep a separate personal and professional identity, I chose to do the opposite and refused to create separate personas. I'm 34 atm, and have been working in industry full-time since I was 20.
Here's a few observations from my own experiences here:
1. If you're willing to bring your personality to work with you, it'll help you make friends. Some of my best friends are people I've met through work while just "being myself". 2. It opens opportunities you may not be aware of. Years ago I ended up switching from being a founder/CTO-type to working in Developer Relations where I would spend ~50% of my time building software and ~50% of my time doing marketing-related work (writing articles, giving presentations, etc.). I fully attribute this shift to my personality, and it's been a great fit. I really enjoy the work I do and feel like I can be my authentic self at work. 3. I've also been in situations (similar to what you describe) where I don't fit in with the corporate culture. For example, I worked at Okta for ~4.5 years or so and didn't blend in with the corporate culture AT ALL. I still feel like I enjoyed myself and made a large impact, but I certainly wasn't expecting to become a VP there or anything like that.
My advice: just be yourself and optimize your work so it's something you can fully enjoy without putting on an act.
For further reading, watch Severance.
My real persona might be conspiring to eliminate my worksona, because fuck that guy.
Don't confuse colleagues with friends. Colleagues can become friends if your vibe matches theirs, but don't equate colleagues with friends.
I’ve had the same worry as you at times, but so far I’ve been 15 years into my career as a software engineer and it hasn’t been a problem as far as I know.
It would be great to see an example of how your behaviour is in the workplace compared to others'.
I personally like working with people with personalities and not robots (though getting others to show their colors also requires yourself to put some effor).
If an auto mechanic seemed really enthusiastic about cars, would you trust him to be knowledgeable and skilled enough to do a competent job repairing your car?
If you have troubles with self-reflection, interpreting the non-verbal communication of others, or challenged by bias those are problems you will have to learn to solve. Modifying or restricting your personality to compensate will do you harm.