What habits have you built for yourself (maybe by rectifying past detrimental habits or building entirely new ones) that have improved your life in many dimensions? If possible describe a bit about what role the habits played in improving your life.
- gym: my, rather pragmatic I believe, personality will often rationalise me out of making a concentrated effort. In the gym I step into a robertfrank615-type alter ego which pushes me through the pain of all those sets. The health benefits and the experience of doing something out-of-character improve every aspect of life.
- scheduling something fun for Monday: dance classes or debate club on Monday evening is the best way to exorcise those Monday blues.
- tolerating difficult people: those hidden gems have nowhere else to turn and become loyal friends and allies.
- keeping your enemy close: I keep myself informed on a low level of news from the opposite political spectrum, which helps me map those blind spots.
edit: blogging helps me organise my thoughts and compartmentalise knowledge https://blog.georgovassilis.com/
I was fortunate in that working out for me has a more jarring/obvious effect than it does for some people that really kicks my ass into gear. I have really bad knees, and the only thing I've found that consistently allows me to live without knee pain is strengthening my legs[0]. If I stop working out and let my quads get weak, there is a gradual but noticeable decline in my mobility. I can't tie my shoes or walk down stairs without pain, wake up at night with hurting knees, etc. So for me, it's either get to the gym (or run, but I prefer the gym) or live in pain. So I think that's the most noticeable habit that has improved my life.
[0] I wrote about my experience with this here: https://liza.io/how-leg-extensions-saved-my-knees-quick-knoc...
I spent a good chunk of my life refusing to pay for things I could realistically do myself - gardening, minor repair jobs around the house, admin stuff etc. Now a little older and wiser, I look back and realise that the benefits of doing those things are probably minor compared to the stress and pressure they put me under, having to add "build that swing set" or "mow that lawn" or "build that bookcase" to my epic list of stuff to do every week.
I've tried to _break_ the habit of automatically going "I could do that, I'm not gonna pay someone else" to looking at how much work something is, and whether it is worth my time to do it or pay someone else to do it, and also try and factor in the unseen costs and the expertise before I decide to take on a project.
Sure, I can put together a kids bike. Easy peasy. But if the shop will charge me $10 to put it together, and it'll save me an hour and a bit of stress, it's worth it.
If it's a really important conversation, get a dedicated note taker because it's hard.
Find core pillars of what someone is saying. Someone ranting about tax could be humblebragging, trying to show off their financial expertise, making empty conversation to bond/venting, solving a puzzle, selling a favoured political party, attacking rich people, and so on. Frequently two people are talking about entirely different topics and get frustrated.
It leads on to the habit of better note taking. Information is associated, like branches of a tree. If you remember what someone was trying to say, you can easily remember what they actually said.
After a while, this results in a photogenic memory effect.
- Eat what I want. My body knows what it needs.
- Never tidy my room. Life is too short for that!
my habits:
- drink a large glass of water first thing in the morning
- skip breakfast - far from being the most important meal in the day I find I have more energy if I don't eat until after 1, and it means I'm fasting for 16+ hours every single day without even trying
- I limit my todolist to just three important things. I actually get more done by focussing on three things a day instead of having a giant list of 20 things to get done this week and feeling every day like I've failed.
- connected to the above, I make a monthly goal list, and I pull some of the three things from the monthly goals (but there are always unplanned items)
- I turn things off at night. saves a tiny amount of power and reduces the risk of fire
- I try to reach out to a friend every day. even just an IM. feels like I'm keeping friendships alive that might otherwise have dwindled because we were both too busy. this has resulted in the same friends reaching out to me too, so I think it works
For me, these were world-altering.
I went from barely being able to function in society because I would constantly second guess everything I heard (causing me to deliver projects that were only 70-80% overlap with what was wanted). I had significant trouble with perspective-taking and authenticity, so when I did mess up, it was difficult for others to take my side.
The lack of trust and emotional understanding also caused heavy compartmentalization, I had completely different habits/behaviors socially, professionally, and when dating.
These two things almost magically (this is how it felt in comparison with grinding for ever achievement I had previously, but it still took work) granted me social skills that I never believed I'd be able to have and to build meaningful relationships with others.
I grew up parentified, instrumentally, and emotionally neglected. It was so bad that in HS I believed I didn't have emotions like other people.
Gaming, watching series, movies, reading novels, Lego. All of this helps me stay fresh-minded, sharp, and creative. Me.
Another example: exercise/gym? BORING. I got myself a Switch with Ring Fit Adventure. Previously I owned a Wii with the balance board.
However, most times, I'm more languorous than tired and after a warm-up I do the whole workout.
And strength training is great for a) general health b) better mental performance c) looking good d) having more energy.
Also buffers! A buffer is a redundancy built in to planning. It is leaving earlier than you need to for example. It is doing something earlier than required to allow for delays. It is having frozen bread for those mornings when you run out of the fresh stuff.
Similarly mise en place, or setting things up before you use them. The always packed gym bag for example. Or the key ring holders where your keys always are.
I feel like I'm very "closed" by default, in terms of my relationship with the world - I see, hear and feel things, but they feel dull, I can't really feel them. I can comprehend them, but it just feels empty, as if the whole world is fake - I listen to music, but it doesn't move me at all; I eat food, but I do it as quickly as possible to finish with the hassle; I watch a TV show but I need to put effort into not turning it off... After a quick session of free-writing, I find it easier to feel. Perhaps it's like a meditation of sorts.
* Silence (this could be meditation or prayer if that’s your thing)
* Affirmations (this is the one I struggle with the most - it feels the most self-help-guru-esque to me. I implement this as reviewing “what are the things that are important to me, am I doing them, what am I not doing that I should be doing?”
* Visualization - visualize how you want your day to go
* Exercise
* Reading
* Scribing - aka keeping a journal.
The idea is to do each for ten minutes every morning.
Not only has this forced me out of my anti-social comfort zone[1] and helped me gain confidence when dealing with strangers, it's also turned the whole 'shopping' thing into a less traumatic experience - something I used to think was impossible.
[1] - I'm face blind, which makes starting a conversation with strangers a bit fraught as they might not, in fact, be strangers.
Haven't had much success with fitness, but for some reason I went from not being able to run at all to running half a marathon. Took me a few years (mostly due to lack of motivation) but the fact that I can run for two hours non stop without any specific program / schedule still baffles me and adds great value to my life. I did lose a lot of weight (unrelated to exercise) and just the fact you're dragging around less weight makes running MUCH easier.
Go traveling solo without any concrete plans. SEAsia is great: safe, easy, lots to see. Did this a lot between 20-35 years old and they were all very formative experiences. Sitting on the banks of the Mekong talking to random strangers, getting drunk with Laotian youngsters, riding a motorbike around Vietnam ... can't beat that.
Regarding relationships - work on it. Read some psychology books on this subject, they will open your eyes. Don't assume the other person's just there to improve your life.
Think very carefully about having kids. They're awesome but a lot of focus is on the pregnancy / delivery. After that it's all up to you and there aren't a lot of helpful resources. The first 5 years need A LOT of attention. Kids don't come with a manual and by the time they start moving on their own and talking they'll have taken over your life. And you're responsible for theirs. Get it wrong and you could end up messing up their life. Issues that seem small & insignificant can grow bigger and more complex over the years and before you know it you've transmitted to them the same traumas your parents gave you.
As an example: if Flight A is $100 but has a layover of 3 hours, and Flight B is $160 but direct (saving you 4 total travel hours), always go for Flight B. I have chosen A many times, only to be stuck on the runway, standing hours in security, missed my connecting flight, and so on.
I've been doing this since the new year. It has been fantastic for my productivity, and I get to spend more time with my wife without feeling stressed for time.
I used to think I was a night person. Turns out: I just had very poor sleep habits and didn't know how to fix them.
- lifting weights 3x a week (particularly monday/weds/friday, look into "stripped 5x5" for getting started) with light cardio on the other weekdays
Hate doing laundry? -> Take your laundry to a laundry shop.
Hate cooking? -> Always eat out.
Hate cleaning your apartment -> Hire a cleaning service.
Hate driving? -> Take Uber or move closer to work.
Hate volunteering? -> Donate to charities and volunteer orgs to do that for you!
________
And at the same time double down on the things you enjoy or/and earns you more money.
The one habit the was very surprising to me was daily meditation. I didn't expect to enjoy it, or derive any benefits, but I did.
I think any beginner app[1] (or maybe book) and 10-15 minutes a day for a 2-3 months is enough to get the n00b benefits I got, namely:
- less reactive to pretty much any kind of negative external whatever, from random assholes to force majeure
- almost complete elimination of the feeling of boredom from my life, regardless of circumstance
The above two things, in turn, led to improvements in just about all my meaningful relationships.
[1]: Specifically, in my case, I read the book Waking Up, by Sam Harris, which caused me to then read Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan, and then I ended up getting the Waking Up app to guide me through the daily practice (but I also tried Ten Percent Happier and Headspace and believe any of them would work).