Hiring Managers, describe the ideal CV/Resume

Fewer words the better. I've seen people optimize their CVs for keyword searches (as in they put as many words as they can to be "caught" in a recruiter searching for buzzwords), but not for readability.

Optimize your CV for someone who has all of 3 minutes to read it and "get" you. Formatting matters, so think about sectional dividers, font choices and color to help someone skim it faster.

Avoid long descriptive stories. Save those for an interview. Also, avoid over-marketing yourself. I read a resume recently where the candidate wrote they have a "vast ocean of technology experience" and they "participate in real-time decision making meetings" ... I put that resume into my garden to help my vegetables grow from all the fertilizing bullsh*!

A statement of purpose with just two words:

"I suck."

... because if you have to ask, this should serve you well.

There is no such thing.