How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age.

We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist.

We especially didn't want to pawn off our responsibility as parents onto their future 18-year-old college-bound selves to learn how to deal with excesses. Since the moment they could point, they've been given the opportunity to make mistakes with excess. They've fallen thousands of times, we've picked them up thousands of times, and now they're pretty good at not falling.

You can guess that I love CI/CD, stable trunk, etc., in my day job. My attitude as an engineer/parent is you'll never make bugs/threats go away. So make sure you and your team/family are experts at dealing with them while they're fresh and small.

My kid's almost three. From day one, we've implemented a zero screen policy. That means no phones, tablets, computers, TV (don't own one), etc.

We've read to her since day one and she loves books now and her spoken/listening language skills are way ahead for her age. Wife speaks to her in her native language so she's growing up bilingual too. Wife takes her to parks, mommy and me classes where they have story time, sing, physical activities, arts and crafts and free play with toys. At home, we expect her to be able entertain herself with toys, books, backyard, etc.

It's not perfect, but at a parenting class, I heard screens described as crack cocaine for kids, so I'm keeping mine away from that shit for as long as I can. She seems to be doing fine without them and though she's curious when she sees one, she doesn't ask/whine for them.[0] I don't even plan to expose educational app games to her. So many other richer ways to learn in 3D space. I highly doubt she'll fall behind for lack of exposure to screens.

[0] The most screen exposure she gets is with others. People these days don't seem to be able to socialize and interact without their phones.

I've been fighting this battle for years and I still fight it every day with my kids.

First, you MUST set limits on everything addictive to children in your house including the internet. Limit the content they can access and the place and time they can use it. You can adjust the limits, but never remove them.

Second, if they're old enough, explain the concept of addiction to them. Here is a perfect video to do that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo A child will understand exactly what addiction means after watching this video.

Third, show them that you also have limits on your own tech usage. They might not be the same limits you put on them, but you have limits. They will understand this way that limits are not something they can "grow out of" and are part of being an adult.

Last, when they do break the rules, don't shame them for it and don't give them approval for it either. Make it clear that you still love them and the rules are still in place.

Good luck.

For our kids the big problem was youtube.

Give them a game on their tablet and they are quickly collaborating on it. Give them a show and they will go see what the other person is watching. After not too long (an hour or two) they are completely done and doing something else.

But youtube is different. They can sit alone, in a corner, slack jawed, for 8 hours per day, only watching youtube, as they respond to all questions with only a vague grunt.

You teach them about moderation, you give them the tools to make their own choices, and you protect them from the obvious/bad outcomes that would cause irreparable harm.

So like, add a network filter for gore/porn up to a certain age, and try to do a good job of showing how to invest their time as a reward function rather than the instant gratification path.

But ultimately, babying them will prevent them from growing, and the moment they get out of your clutches (how they'll see it) they'll binge/overindulge and not have anyone to stop the irreversible mistakes from happening.

Limiting technology access creates a perverse relationship between the kid and tech. If you want your kid to see technology as a tool, not as a reward, you can't treat it like a reward. It's super easy, but it sets the wrong example.

I don’t know if I will.

I was a computer addicted kid since I was about 8, when parents bought me a computer in 1995. When faster internet came, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I was on the internet nonstop. And later on social media - LiveJournal, Blogger, Flickr, YouTube, but also some local servers that people here won’t know.

I don’t think it hurt me that much? Now I am a developer and making more money than most of my friends from that time, that were not sitting all day on computer.

So… it would be kind of hypocritical from me to restrict my kids doing the same? I don’t know

My kids are still too young to understand computers though (1 and 3). So let’s see

I automated math education for my 9 year-old. It's a Unity application where a student required to solve basic (currently) math examples.

For 10 examples you're getting a 25-cent coin from a coin dispenser. You can keep it or you can use this money to buy Internet access. My OpenWrt router is connected straight to coin acceptor. For one coin you're getting 30 minutes of Internet on all devices (iPad and PC).

Since it's all automated I don't need to involve too much into education process. Math score in school has greatly improved, the kiddo solved thousands of examples.

Coin dispenser is proprietary (found on ebay, one of popular model), so I literally had to hack the USB protocol. The coin acceptor had no USB interface, so I had to introduce one. I've connected this USB to my OpenWrt 32-bit router, which is also ARM - so I had to hack some USB libraries along the way so my binaries can work with USB right from OpenWrt.

One of the advantages - there is no such thing as unlimited Internet. You always need to do some work to get it. Another one - there is interruption moment when it's over. There are lots of other good things. Like you can control the number of examples that needs to be solved. How difficult they are. Kiddo also understands what money is and how easy it is to spend money and how hard it is to earn.

I'm looking for co-founder to turn it into a business.

But I think even simple button that activates Internet for 30 minutes would work, since it introduces interruption between "consuming flow".

This is something I think about a lot with 3 kids. I personally believe that we need a balance between allowing devices/internet (because this is 2022) and restricting few things.

For me, social media is an absolute No and I will fight my kids until I can't. For example, there is no way I am going to let my 8 year old do Tick Tok or Snapchat and what not. It is way too toxic even for adults let alone a child who has not fully developed mentally and emotionally yet. However, we restrict by talking to them openly about why we don't think it is a good idea and then show them that we are still giving them these other freedoms. Most kids appreciate that if you are honest instead of just saying No.

I don't think you can restrict using apps or parental controls because those can be bypassed once kids get smarter. We have 0 parental controls on the devices they use. I want my kids to learn the difference between good and bad by having access and freedom but the right information.

On the flip side, we don't restrict them from doing iPad/laptop to play certain types of games (.e.g word puzzle) or even minecraft etc. We don't restrict them from doing things on internet like google slides for creativity etc. We don't restrict them from watching Youtube or movies for kids under our supervision.

The other thing is to not give them too much opportunity to do devices/internet. If they are busy with an activity, they don't care. If they have nothing to do, they "get bored" and want to be on their devices. So create enough opportunity for them to do activities ideally something that doesn't involve internet/devices etc. So far, our kids have been very good with boundaries and the freedom they have to do things. I know that if you restrict everything, that won't work.

Enable them to do more real-life stuff. Kids see technology as a bottomless pit of fulfillment, which is mostly true if your alternatives are frolicking outside or wishing you could buy something cool. If you instead provide them the means to make/do something they're proud of, they'll probably have a healthier relationship with social media and the internet. Get them a sewing kit, buy that bin of used Legos on Ebay, or get the breadboarding stuff they keep asking about. If you give a kid an iPhone, they're going to be constantly attached to it simply on the basis that it's the most expensive thing in their possession.

Obviously though, you're not going to protect your children from themselves. IMO, the best you can do as a parent is teach them healthy means of self-expression.

I think what isn’t said a lot is how to make better behaviors more attractive - playing with friends, tackling on projects, pursuing professional carriers and making positive impacts to the world - than indulgence in slot machines.

One of quality differences that separate good social behaviors and addictions is that the latter is boring. I personally couldn’t get hooked with TikTok, not for fears of addiction but because it wasn’t much rewarding to me. If someone is stuck repeating actions lacking in diversity or generally boring things, even if it seemed stimulating on surface, maybe there could be some other reasons than that the machine’s just too toxic.

This isn’t to say that parents “failing” to save kids have to feel any sense of guilt or responsibility - addictions are real - but it does seem to me that a lot of internet addicted self-taught flamewars expert people (bad bad thing) have episodes with picky, overly interfering, in-satisfiable, jealousy, or sometimes downright insane parents.

Maybe that plays a role in addiction, maybe having happy and stable parents help in kids growing better.

(I wish I couldn’t recall my then-parent-ish holding chef’s knife at 5 years old me with the door to my back)

We went from using YouTube as a babysitter to accepting that we have to reduce our personal time allotment and be more engaged with the child.

The television was removed from the living room wall and the only screen time is shared activity screen time with a parent on the weekends for an hour or so. Lots more board gaming, reading, talking, crafting, playing. Way more parental involvement required.

If there was some way to limit YouTube to specific channels and disable recommendations we might still allow it. Maybe you can do that with premium. In any case, we chose a household solution rather than trying to work in a technical solution.

People are arguing opposite approaches without mentioning the obvious:

There isn't a one-size-fits-all best practice. Every kid is different. Some can self-moderate; others can be ruined. Similar to gambling, alcohol, or other addictions.

Age is also a big factor. Entertaining your 2 year old with an iPad will probably lead to worse outcomes than for a 15-year-old.

Just because something worked for your kid -- that doesn't mean it will work for all kids. Hope this is obvious, yet nobody is stating it.

After having spent a fair amount of time using various different tools to attempt to control their screen time, my conclusion is that it was a mistake to have any screens in the house in the first place.

A library of great books, good games, craft and art materials, and a collection of musical instruments would have been the best thing for my kids I'm thinking. Screens just make them addicted and miserable.

The solution to this problem is actively parenting your kids. Take them on hikes, start a hobby with them, bond, etc. Letting the internet babysit your kids is the precursor to internet addiction. If you put in the work, then you won't have to worry.

I just don't let them use screens. I have a 5 and a 7 years old. To them a phone is used to call people, a computer is what Dad uses to work, a TV is used 30 minutes a week to watch something as a family and they don't know what a tablet is.

They've never used an "app".

They have books, blocks, Legos, dolls, coloring pages, and a ton of random trinkets to play creatively. It probably requires being more hands on than when you can use the TV set as a babysitter, but it's well worth it so far.

I don't them use my devices outside of school projects and keep them busy doing things outside the house.

I realize this is easier for me than most as my oldest is only 13, we homeschool, and we live in a very rural area with high community engagement. Meaning the social pressure to be online just isn't currently there.

Once they have a job and can buy their own devices they can do what they please. Hopefully, the disdainful tone I use when explaining social media companies to them fully sinks in by then.

Hi there! It's important to use the word 'addiction' carefully. There's a difference between high-engagement and addiction. Something can be highly engaging without having negative consequences. You can spend 100 hours a week doing something and still not be an addict (behaviorally speaking) if you don't exhibit certain negative traits. I helped conduct a study on this a while back (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S07475...).

The cardinal virtues - prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance - help protect the "mind and character" from addiction or disordered attachment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues

I try to help my son understand and cultivate these virtues. He is 11, and is home-schooled.

Practically, right now we use several exercises specifically intended to combat screen attachment:

1) he is supposed to set a timer when getting on his iPad (totally up to him, but HE chooses to use it)

2) two regular days a week when he can Skype with his best friends (looks forward to the social time more than the game time)

3) typically a once-a-month screen detox for 3 to 7 days (no screen time, period.)

The most effective exercise is the screen detox. Within a day his attitude changes for the better: he practices his piano more eagerly, he acts sweeter, he finds "real" things to get into, and is more creative than usual. We're doing a detox right now; he learned backgammon from a friend at his chess club yesterday, made a backgammon board this morning before school, and taught me how to play when I got home from work. ...typical example of what happens during a detox. In the summer it was usually things like playing football or collecting bugs and lizards outside that happened when the iPad was put on the shelf.

I'm ashamed (and humbled) to say that I need a detox more than he does. But I grew up not being taught to develop virtue, and I have a lot of self-correction that I'm working through. Setting my son up to not have to deal with addiction in the first place is something I can give him that I wish I had been given. His generation also has (soon to be "Saint") Carlo Acutis as a role model.

I need to set up a Pi-hole, and filter out adult website URLs for our home internet.

My approach is to demystify the addictive thing as much as possible.

Kid wants to play video games? Have them create their own video game before playing other video games

Addicted to TikTok? Have them create their own videos and channel before watching other peoples channels

Addicted to the internet? Have them create their own websites before having them see other people's websites

The foundations of addiction rely on the mind creating cycles of dependence on a single activity due to a lack of finding the same dopamine rush in other known activities. So if they understand what is going on behind the scenes that actually results in the dopamine rush, they can find healthier alternatives. They will do this automatically since dopamine with understanding = freedom

The internet is fucking interesting and it is very hard to keep people of any age from it.

But some people need it more than the others.

In my opinion the lonelier and/or unhealthier and/or poorer and/or less purposeful and/or more physically / mentally trapped somebody is; the likelier for them to be addicted to the internet (or to other things that can give them a sense of an escape from their reality, or just hope.)

I think before thinking about anything else you should think about what better can you do for your child regarding those matters.

Just like the rest of the internet, don't put too much weight on the parenting advice you find on HN.

You're going to get a lot of skewed results here, because a lot of parents aren't going to feel comfortable telling the truth: that almost all parents allow a reasonable amount of screen time to their kids, even if they know it's not the healthiest thing for them.

Personally, we have a four year old and an almost-two year old, and they're watching a Leapfrog show on the TV as we speak. We limit their access to screens, but realistically there are times when they're really useful.

Our kids have not hit puberty but I think they are on the right track.

A big part of this is filling their time with endeavors they enjoy. Sports in particular are a big part of their life. They have been set on a path that they could be pros and make a career out of it shoukd they choose to and if injuries dont grt in the way.

You will be surprised how quickly tv and screen time goes away when the entire family is busy. There is no downtime during the week except when perhaps commuting - otherwise its light play with toys.

When other parents hear about our kids demanding schedules and training regimes, some are shocked. But we were also kids. We were full of energy. Kids love running. kids love learning, coaches , teammates, nownfriends. Its that or screentime.

Of course, this demands high sacrifice from parents. Its expensive. Its busy. You have to have nannies to shuttle kids from school to training or else have a renote job that allows you to commute midday.

Its work. Its not for everyone. There is no secret sauce. Just work, looking around, and knowing at the end of The day having the satisfaction that your kids are turning out quite alright. Then starting the next day, knowing that the weakest in this balancing act is you, the parent... not the kids who dont complain and are all smiles.

Well I'm browsing HN so.......

Realistically I've pretty much given up. The only thing is if we have school, organized events, sports - social interaction. Otherwise the (barely working) phone comes out - or the laptop which is required for all homework now. I'd love to do something but looking around the adults are just as addicted.

I have been experimenting with different cell phone policies over the past few years with my kids and here is what we settled on.

At our house, we have 6 children ranging in ages from 7-12 (3 of them are mine). No cell phones allowed Mon-Fri, but on Saturday and Sunday, they can have their phones from 2pm-9pm. We sleep at 9pm everyday. Sometimes during the week I'll let them watch a movie. Also, if they want to use their phone for learning something new like oragami, a piano tune or how to draw, then I let them use it for an hour or however long they need it as long as they are responsible.

The result is lots of imaginative play time like fashion shows, disco parties and pretend school. There is a lot of time for studying and playing instruments. All the kids were "A" students this last quarter.

Lego. Still works every time here.

I have a 3 month old and this is something I am wondering about already, since I am definitely prone to YouTube binging - especially if I'm in a bad mood, tired etc.

I tell myself I need it for background music then before.I know it I'm binge watching comedy routines I've seen 10 times before.

When i was 5 i was given a gameboy color, i got additcted to it, so my parents banned everything "computer related" until i was 14, depending on their mood this also included tv. When i was a kid i hated it because my parents were never able to explain why they did. But looking back, i think it was the right move. Many people i grew up with became dopamine slaves and cant stop themsevles from indulging in socialmedia/ videogames/ hedonism every day. From 14-18 i played videogames everyday as much as i could each day. I dont consider it a relapse because im antisocial and will naturally gravitate to an activity i can do alone. If i never had the childhood without tech, i could see an adulthood without anything else. If you have never lived your life without freedom, you really dont know it's value. If you always had it, you either over value it or under value it. I became a software engineer, but generally have grown a dislike for 70% of all tech on the market. I will probably end up raising my kids as close to amish as possible. Will the pendulum swing the other way and they rebell? Maybe. But a rebellion into a worse solution is temporary and I'll always support my kids in a low tech household when tech burns them.

I think your answer depends on their age. Honestly anyone where their oldest kids are younger than 5 and proclaiming how awesome they are as their kids don't use screens obviously did not do digital learning during the pandemic, where kids had to be in front of screens, or work from home with kids who had limited means to entertain themselves for a full day.

My eldest just started elementary school. She doesn't own her own devices so any videos or fun stuff on the tablet is earned through a reward system and usually we're around to ensure she doesn't go off the rails. I did uninstall YouTube on the ipad. Now she has only PBS kids, purchased videos from iTunes and the likes.

No netflix at home...any movies, tv shows is rented from the library - which also they can watch w/ reward system. Living room is full of toys, activities books etc for things they can pick up and easily do. It's not in a dedicated "toy room" where they play out of sight. Though, the living room does end up being messy all the time.

My daughter already asks for things she sees from other kids, like piercings and toys...I'm able to say no now but it'll be a hard battle in the future when kids at her school or on her bus watch TikTok or browse social media.

We've been using the excuse that the internet "turned off" for now. It does actually happen around here, because I guess running an ISP in 2022 is harder than in 1999?

Anyway, my son is 7 and that probably won't work too much longer. We generally don't have imposed limits but if it's getting pretty late we'll just kill the internet on the device. This works pretty well because he plays all games on Xbox Play, mainly Fortnite. I honestly don't care if he sits and plays for hours because I did that around his age. The problem is, games were much harder back then because you played something like Contra 3 and lost and you basically wanted to throw the controller in the garbage. Now games are too easy.

He has been discouraged to play the Solo/Duos/Trio's in Fortnite because it can be a hard game. He mainly plays the "custom games" now and if he's on too long I'll just connect and go into the game and beat him a bunch of times until he's discouraged and turns it off. haha.

I don't know what to do when he's older, because I had no time limits on anything. I just generally balanced it out myself

When I was raising my kids the addiction was "TV". I think there are parallels but you need to decide.

One of the things kids seem to be is really really curious. I know for some this is obvious but in my kids and other kids in their cohort lots of questions lots of "why?" It is possible this is related to the idea of novelty being the thing that triggers the pleasure center and "addicts" you or it could be something else entirely. My wife and I had a goal to make sure that TV wasn't habitual.

For us, the thing was the kids needed something to do when we weren't doing something as a family or other activities. A lot of our peers would let them watch TV, we bought a lot of books (and taught them at an early age how to use the library which was, quite fortunately, within biking distance of our house).

I didn't think too much about the difference but it really stood out at a birthday party my daughter attended. The "parent in charge" of the birthday needed to set things up and switched on the TV. Nearly all of the kids gravitate to the TV and sat quietly watching it. My daughter wandered over to the bookshelf and saw a book, pulled off the shelf and started reading it. The difference was distinct enough for the parent to make a point to tell me this series of events when I picked up my kid. They were surprised that a kid would rather "read" than "watch TV".

I don't know if the right word was "rather" though, I just know that my kids had learned that an easy way to entertain yourself when there was nothing else to do was to read. I felt strongly that reading was "habit" rather than "preference."

I can't verify that of course, and later when World of Warcraft came out we all spent a lot of time playing it, but by that time not having access to external content wasn't a huge problem for the kids.

We changed DNS for all devices to use OpenDNS familyshield [0] for starters. It's a passive way to throttle some of the worst of the worst out there.

Of course setting some limits on how much / how often helps a bit, and frank discussions about what too much of an addictive thing does to you.

Our youngest is developmentally delayed and will absolutely ignore any guidelines and follow the path of least resistance / most enticement, so their bedroom connection runs through a proxy running Squid [1] where I've whitelisted school and certain entertainment (that took a bit of time running Telerik Fiddler[2] to gather the many domains necessary for the whitelist)

Spotify was a bit of a problem, again with our youngest who went straight for the podcasts with the most adult content, which Spotify gleefully recommended the first moment we turned the service on. Could never find a way to turn podcasts off - never wanted them.

We run our own Emby[3] server that everyone has access to with curated music tv and movies (and also have the usual streaming video services, but those are reserved for common areas).

Looked at other options like walled garden family services (e.g. Amazon Kindle Fires with subscription), but there seems to only be content ranging up to ~12 year old tastes.

[0] https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-us/articles/228006487-Fami... [1] http://www.squid-cache.org/ [2] https://www.telerik.com/fiddler [3] https://emby.media/

I think in general parents overestimate how much what they do matters, and underestimate genetic effects. I worry that a lot of the advice here isn’t reproducible.

My advice is to look at your own life first. If you (or the other parent) have trouble with getting addicted to things, obsessive behaviours, body dysmorphism etc you might want to take a more judicious approach with your kids.

I think there are also some things that go without saying:

- Don’t let kids sacrifice sleep, so no devices in the bedroom at night.

- Be extremely careful with tween+ girls and visual social media. Restrict usage, educate and discuss a lot, and beyond that make a special effort to give them attention, do fun stuff, let them know they are special and important and valued during the vulnerable years.

- Boys and pornography. Need to talk to them about it. I don’t know how to approach this, I’ve got about a decade to work it out.

Encourage their interests in good things like physical activities, science, technology, books, music, theater.

We don't have an actual limit on gaming (my daughter is 4,my son 2). The daughter however is able to recognize when she is bored of the videogame and drops it when that happens.

I acquired that skill at the end of my teenage years, so she's already ahead!

You help them use it and help them when they stumble. Addiction is mostly a genetic thing that you won't be able to do much to circumvent but if it runs in your family, so my best advice is to teach them moderation in all things early and often.

I don’t have kids yet but I’ve been thinking about this problem a lot. I personally don’t consider a no screen policy a very good idea, especially in the Information Age. After all, the technology is not a problem here. Instead, I’m building an intranet with an in-house search engine and a video streaming service which I’m going to populate with Wikipedia articles, my fairly decent collection of non-fiction books, some of world best fiction, movies, music etc. Besides that, no internet access for minors in my house. My fight is not with profanity or obscenity but with tasteless garbage like all that clickbaity ad-filled batshit YouTube is pushing onto me.

I don't limit the time my kids can use screens at all. When I was a kid I watched TV or played video games for about 12 hours a day at weekends and as much as I could at other times. It didn't do me any harm. In fact the obsession with computers probably helped me with my career.

I don't allow social media though, as that is undeniably toxic. Also attention span reducing tiktok is not allowed. They watch a lot of YouTube, and we watch stuff together sometimes. It is basically the TV of their generation and although some of the stuff they watch is mindless, some of it is informative and helps them develop useful skills.

First the parents should stop being Internet or device addicts themselves. Without that nothing works long-term.

Work from home made the situation worse as children see how parents spent at least 8 hours in front of computers.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have children. It’s scary how fucked up they’re becoming by being given ipads at 12 months old.

I want them to use technology but it needs to be controlled so that they aren’t overexposed to things before they’re ready.

I think I’m going to try and structure it so that they mirror my experience. Start off with simpler devices like consoles and basic programming. Wean them onto it so that they don’t start out with a billion terabytes of information and porn being fed into them before they can even read.

Not an expert, but I remember reading something about daily cardio and noninflammatory diets (low sugar, low processed foods, adequate protein and fibre, etc) was able to reduce some expressions of ADHD symptoms.

I bring up ADHD symptoms because a lot of online tech leans on the short attention span of kids.

In my own experience, focusing on this has had a small but noticeable effect on temperament around tech.

The other side of the puzzle I think is helping kids with confidence and setting their own boundaries. If they're too young for that, they're too young for tech.

One of the best things you can do is implement a strict no FB, Instagram, tiktok, snapchat .. future social media policy.

Secondly, stop using those services yourself and take every opportunity to tell them how much crap they are and how they should not be used.

They will listen to you since you yourself are not using them. If you use them and tell them not to, of course it's not going to work.

Once social media is out of the picture, you've taken care of the worst crap. Rest is incremental and you can build on the above.

Use pihole, other DNS filtering services to help filter other services.

Now consider the effects reported here on emotionally helpless/immature children and realise that adults fall victim to the same effects but express them differently.

Take the collective entertainment media engagement numbers and the fact that adults are no longer constrained by supervision in this regard and extrapolate the impact on hundreds of millions of adults times ~10 years for many billion experience-days under the influence of SM engagement and you'll get the perfect description of modern societal ills.

We have no online games and no YouTube as base rules. We pick games that have some meaningful interaction to them. Games like Minecraft, Jurassic Park Evolution 2, Cities Skyline, old Sierra games, puzzle games. It's time boxed and only after responsibilities are taken care of like homework and helping out. I prefer they game over watching tv passively.

I am considering getting rid of consoles and just getting them steam decks instead as their first computers and then do some modding with them.

Screen time limits, and try to offer lots of things to do. This is a lot easier with disposable income. But without a simple bicycle and nearby park can go a long way.

But the games, videos and internet are very addictive: when I was young it was just the dopamine hit of playing a game. But now it is culture. Friends at school are on Roblox, Discord etc. This makes it more challenging and more fights and begging etc.

A hard one. As a parent a small part of the role is to be the mean unpopular person sometimes ;-)

Join communities that don’t use technology as part of the activity: sports, church, hunting, fishing.

Yes technology will be there, but it’ll aid and further the other activities, NOT become an addition in itself.

One thing we did to further that is send the kids to a private school of like-minded parents. We have a robotics club, but no networked computers outside of that in the school. Might sound old school (it is), but if all the kids have are friends without technology, they won’t use it

Think of any bans and constraints as a loaded spring. Unless they have something that they enjoy / rewarded for / need to do with their time, you'll just frustrate them. They'll do the alcohol, drugs, TV, internet all behind your back. Or maybe they'll binge on it after they leave your house.

Instead, maybe introduce them to alternatives that are worth being addicted to. And, lead by example. Try to find something that you and they would enjoy doing together.

One solution is to spend time with them doing activities, playing.

I have noticed children (below 3) DO NOT prefer tablets/phones. If you give a two-year a tablet, wait until they are completed engaged and ask them "wanna go outside?" they will forget the tablet. Kids always prefer to play, but when parents do/can not spend time with them, they will happily find entertainment elsewhere.

I haven't tested this with children above 3, but I suspect it is the same up to 12.

our oldest (15) didnt get a phone until about 13. Middle (10) has an apple watch for the phone function, 7 year old doesnt have a phone. They all have macbooks, ipads, etc.

our internet goes on for them at 6am, turns off at 7am. They have to be dressed, ready for school, brushed teeth etc, before they start at 6am. I have never had to wake my kids up for school in their lives.

They get internet again at night from 7:30-8:30 once all their work is done (reading a chapter in a book, math one grade level higher, foreign language, music). They function as a team so they all need to be done before any of them can start doing electronics.

When I was a kid (12-17) I was addicted to one of the first online graphical role playing games in the country (80s PLATO system - avatar). My dad was a CS professor so I had easy access to the network terminals. He would never have one in our house as he had phd students drop out as a result of being addicted to the game. He constantly reminded me it was better to write the game than to be addicted to the games.

https://crpgaddict.blogspot.com/2013/11/game-124-avatar-1979...

At some point I just outgrew them and I periodically try to play them, but they are so shallow compared to real life I cant get addicted again.

I think as long as kids have plenty of "real life" activities that they love, they will be able to enjoy the internet in moderation.

The kids that really struggle are the ones whose parents dont help them to cultivate real world passions and success so they just spend all their free time online.

i have a 13 and 11 year old. We keep them engaged as much as possible off screen in physical activities. They get plenty of screen time though and I try to do my best to steer them to at least useful content. There's lots of interesting content that children can learn from on youtube especially science and history. I watch with them and try to steer to as much productive content as i can but am not always 100% successful.

My 6.5yo has just gotten access to an iPad to do some learn to read training through a specific app. No other apps permitted. Before this there was no access at all to iPads or computers and very limited TV time. We'll continue to slowly introduce tech with heavy guidance and restriction as she ages, but she'll be a lot less online than her peers seem to be. I don't really see this as a detriment.

I think our generation is a bit lucky as we're some of the first who experienced internet/technology addiction. Many of us still have challenges with it.

But that makes us more equipped to parent it. Moderation, appealing alternatives, technical prowess, modeling healthy habits, access in a public/supervised environment, etc.

I do wonder what the future will look like for parental controls and big tech. Especially in the USA.

Our children are too young to really 'get' computers. However, my policy is actually really simple. They are allowed TV when we are doing it as a family (thus, it's family time). They are not allowed to watch TV alone except exigent circumstances (namely plane rides or being very sick).

When they are older, computer time will be allowed, but the pursuit must be creative in nature.

My parents' method: you have to earn screen time by doing something productive. In my case, practising a musical instrument. 30 mins of music practice = 60 mins of screen time earned for that day.

I hated it but I quickly became one of the best musicians in our school band.

Kids reflects parents habits. It would be naive to think that restrictions for kids limit addiction while parents constantly look at screen.

If you want kids be interested in others things, be an example and show them.

Beside of this, talk with kids about how internet works and what threats are there. I'm sure most of HN users are informed enough in this topic.

TV, not before 3 years. The personal console, not before 6 years. Internet, after 9 years. Social networks, after 12 years.

Kids need to learn restraint and self-control before open-ended device usage. Let them figure out how to be bored first. Set time limits, teach them what healthy usage is.

We didn't start time screen time for our kid until ~6. We required a log entry to be written so it's purpose driven, not mindless usage.

They need to develop strong boundaries against predatory tech. FAANG et al are narcissistic and uncaring towards an entire global generation of children. You teach them to stay away from strangers? Teach them to stay away from harmful technology as well.

If internet/porn usage is really similar to cocaine use then how do we really expect kids to moderate themselves? It seems a naive assumption that they will just be "ok" after being given a talk about it.

How do you protect adults from internet addiction, like relentlessly checking HN :)

My ex taught in several schools in a fairly rural area and always praised the attention spans of the Hutterite children which seemed almost remarkable in comparison to the regular tweens who had smart phones.

My SO has a huge endless scroll/swipe addiction.

She can spend days on IG reels. I don't know what to do.

I attempted to delete all my socials but LinkedIn to set a healthy example but it's for nothing.

We had the same rules for kids and adults. Screens in common area facing out. No ads.

None of the five ever asked for a phone.

> How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

Forget to pay the ISP bill.

Every so often I see a post like this and think about the Bridge on the River Kwai.

Keep them offline.

I didn't. They are still quite successful.

No media devices in bedroom helps

absolutely NO internet in the house. NO tvs, NO computers, NO smartphones, NO video games. definitely NO virtual reality headsets. NO ai assistants. NO alexa, NO siri, NO home assistant, NO automated thermostat

NOTHING BUT PHYSICAL BOOKS, LPS, FLIP PHONES, E-INK E-READERS, AND PORN MAGAZINES!!!!

Vasectomy

I'm going to weigh in on the flipside, and perhaps caution about what not to do.

After getting dumped as a teen, I slipped into a dangerous, self-loathing depression. When I could not find the motivation to call up my friends or organize anything, I could at least message them on AOL Instant Messenger. When my offline peers didn't share my interests, I could find peers that did online - in IRC and in forums. I could lurk even if I couldn't be bothered to talk. Games, music, programming, and technology allowed me to distract myself from the worst of my thoughts and rumination, even when my studies couldn't. I could vent behind a psuedonum instead of worrying those closest to me. My self-found mentors in technology spanned the globe, scattered across the timezones, giving me guidance and new perspectives, despite being hidden behind online psuedonyms without means of other contact.

It perhaps wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism for depression, nor the healthiest relationship with technology, but there are far worse alternatives. And when intelligent, well meaning family labeled me a computer/internet addict when my grades suffered - and largely took away said coping mechanism with incredibly strict limits on my use of technology when I'd previously been given near unlimited free reign - they did not improve the situation or provide better substitutes. They instead made things much worse. The last thing a moody depressed teen needs is severe social isolation, the destruction of their hobbies, and a whole bunch of previously occupied time suddenly be free and in need of filling, when the filler of default is to ruminate.

When I failed to convince them to ease up, I did pick up some new hobbies to distract myself - such as arguing and rebellion, and plotting to break free from their control and gain my independence when I finally came of age. Years(?) later, they eventually backtracked, realizing their meddling wasn't improving things, and would only lead to me being eventually estranged.

I guess my main takeaway here is to warn against assuming addiction is the fundamental problem. It can be a symptom. It can be an imperfect coping mechanism - an attempt at self medication. Limits can be reasonable, but going cold turkey can be incredibly disruptive. It might not kill like going cold turkey with alcohol or some drugs can - but that doesn't mean it can't cause damage.

---

I still don't have a perfectly healthy relationship with technology, but it's okay to have some vices, and I've found some healthier activities. While you'll not find me in a gym, coworkers helped me pick up the habit of walking to lunch. Movie and board game nights give me an excuse to socialize more meaningfully offline while having fun - in part, ironically, by getting back in regular contact with people online with similar interests. I cook more. I now get paid to program, and lean towards leaving work at work. I eat with family from time to time.

I game significantly less now, simply because I gamed enough to get largely bored of it. At least I learned some about teamwork, coordination, and delegation in the process.

I'm not particularly motivated, but I'm at least independent. Pathologically independent to the point of automatically rejecting most familial help, but independent nonetheless.

I've been procrastinating on initiating and hosting more events to further improve my social life, but I'll get there eventually.