Anyways, I was able to get my first job out of college at a top university. I met some amazing people there. But really held back from socializing much, because I wanted to do well at my very menial job.
A couple times colleagues tried to include me on projects, but I politely just focused on my work. Now many of them are leading very successful startups that I could've likely been an early employee at.
I ended up working at 2 failed startups (I got from cold applying), and have failed about 20 times building a side hustle of my own.
I feel like I needed to go through some struggle, but I can't help but regret my choices. I need a win badly. I have worked very hard and built nothing. I also lost a lot of money gambling but have since quit.
You'll never satisfy a need of something that has no limit, being around rich people will show you that. Two houses, three cars, the best schools for their kids, vacations in the best places, they're still miserable and most of them still work as much if not more than employees, if anything they're even more miserable than the average person because they live in fear of losing it all. Once you unlock the next level you discover it's just as empty as the one you came from, some people are too proud to acknowledge that and keep on climbing, they'll be miserable all the way to the grave because you don't cure that by accumulating goods
Take a break, breath in, and ponder on the reasons of your fears/desires. You might very well be sabotaging your well being in a futile quest for wealth, you can't lose the game if you're not playing it.
On top of that I'd say if wealth is your goal the best way to never get to it is to chase it directly. You can go through 20 startups creation, if your sole goal is personal wealth you'll most likely miss the point 20 times
> Life is well enough furnished, but we are too greedy with regard to its furnishings; something always seems to us lacking, and will always seem lacking. Seneca
The grass is always greener on the other side, so one often romanticizes forgone opportunities because they represent an ideal world where you see only the upsides but not the downsides. So my advice is to keep looking for your upsides and don't over-idolize what could have been. And try to seek happiness and balance in what you do, in my experience these negative thoughts often came when I felt downtrodden and unbalanced, never when I had a good routine going and was feeling productive. Another thing: If you feel stressed out by seeing other people succeed and thinking "why not me?" just stay away from social media (including HN) for a while, being constantly bombarded by awesome success stories can have a really detrimental effect if you're struggling with your life already.
Unless you are really struggling just relax. Getting rich won't get you happy ever. If money is a constant problem that is a difference. But I have seen stupid rich people argue over peanuts as if they were on the brink of bankrupcy — that existential angst will not go away with more money, if anything it will grow bigger as you have more to lose.
What counts is doing what you enjoy, making decent money that lifts your worries, spending time with good people both in work and in private, living in a place you like. Nobody will give you back your life once you are rich, and once you are rich that dream might become the thing you will spend your life worrying about.
Sure, speaking from a nation with universal healthcare and social security this is all a little easy to say, but if your goal is a good life there is such a thing as enough money. Too much money is poison.
If you feel really bad just remember it’s everyone. No one is hitting grand slam home runs right now. It may be years until we see that market again.
I thought with each move I would be in an ideal position to succeed and every time, something changed.
My experience is that the “carrot” always moved or doesn’t turn out the way I thought.
That product I thought would be a career game changer? Cancelled and everyone laid off.
I joined one company thinking it would IPO and then five years later and a lot of lying it still hasn’t.
I joined a AAA faang and made a ton of money for a little while then realized I wasn’t learning anything and boxed in, surrounded by lifers who were stagnant in their careers with no chance of upward movement.
However, you have to change your mindset for this market. The boom time is faded. If you missed it, you missed it.
This is the time to position yourself to maximize your skills and learning. You have two years to get in the right place.
Money happens very fast and randomly is my experience. If you join an ultra elite team the chances are way higher imo.
Now I’m entirely focused on my personal skills and charisma. I’m working entirely on my inner game now. I am going to maximize my learning the next two years.
And I am working on practicing becoming positive and energetic and getting in shape.
I don’t think I’ll ever afford to retire. Which maybe is completely wrong.
Now I’m starting to look at my life as a work of art like Rick Rubin. Rick never had a career in mind he just loved working on music and with artists. He tried every genre and made hit records across the board.
Maybe it’s a better mindset of just seeing your work as a series of records you are putting out. Some will be good and some bad.
Related: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pearl_(novella)
Related to regret: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/204
Just like sleeping with the prom queen, becomming a wonderchild, being a kid on star trek and maaaany more things that where on the way.
But that is okay and there are still plenty of experiences left for you and even though you might not have done so actively, you choose your activities.
Ignore the other doomers though, life is still far from done and who knows, maybe your actual calling is having an emu farm in the middle of Kansas.
Just trust in yourself that you have skills to put bread on the table and realize that EVERYBODY is just cooking with water and you can cry just the same in a Mercedes that you can in a tata nano
What this means is that you haven't missed the boat in any permanent sense. You've missed a couple of specific boats, is all. Others are always coming down the river.
It also means that you haven't failed. Every successful person I've ever met can talk all night long about the many times they've failed. But all others see is the few times they succeeded. Recognize that you're rolling dice and the more times you roll, the better the odds that one will hit. You've only failed when you give up entirely.
But it can be despiriting sometimes. What I do then is to get a nice, normal job for a while. That gives psychic relief, a chance to meet more people (opening the door to unexpected future opportunities), and stash money away into what I call my "bankroll" -- seed money for next venture once I've decided what that will be.
Read philosophy. Introspect. Do stuff you love.
You cannot compare yourself to anyone but a previous version of you. Even then, it's not helpful. You don't need a win. You need to find meaning/purpose. That's how you win constantly. If your only purpose is to make money or be "successful" by a material definition, I'm afraid you'll be stuck in the rat race.
Have you heard the fable of the Chinese farmer? You might find it insightful for your situation: https://www.craftdeology.com/the-story-of-the-chinese-farmer...
You know, there's something that (almost) all of us have to face.
If you're like me and failed to buy bitcoins when they were only a dollar each, how may other opportunities like that are you going to be able to miss in one lifetime anyway?
All these other missed opportunities are small change by comparison.
With that hanging over our heads you can get over anything, you certainly don't want it to be bugging you if you never get a chance for such outsized winnings again.
You can never control the outcome of your actions. Most of the times, "Failure" and "Success" happen by chance. All you can possibly do is to find joy in your journey.
You need to start asking yourself on what your Goals are in life ? Getting rich should not be the ONLY goal even though nothing wrong with it. Until you can find the answer to goals in life, you will struggle.
Hope this helps. Wanted to give it you straight.
Might make you rethink this "regret".
And everybody in the village says, "How wonderful! The boy got a horse."
And the Zen master says, "We'll see."
Two years later, the boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg.
And everybody in the village says, "How terrible!"
And the Zen master says, "We'll see."
Then a war breaks out, and all the young men have to go off and fight, except the boy can't because his leg's all messed up.
And everybody in the village says, "How wonderful!"
And the Zen master says, "We'll see."
So I clearly have no silver-bullet advice, but I say 20 failures sounds like a good start :).
There are very likely nuggets you've learned within these roles and projects that you may not even realize, but will naturally come forth and be applied in a future project. Just keep moving.
With respect to your self esteem etc... Journaling might help you figure things out. I would also look into therapy as well especially for the gambling if you think it might be an addiction. Whatever you learn there will help you in all areas of your life and startups.
Personally I take the lessons and write off the time, if I ever come across a time machine I'll fix it but until then it seems silly to pump more time into regret
What kind of side hustles were they? Wondering if there was anything in common that could make success less likely than usual.
Get rich is a shitty bet most people don't win.
If you are a software engineer your best bet is to go to Google, Microsoft, azure, LinkedIn or similar companies and just make really good Money
I'm not saying money doesn't matter cause it definitely does, but maybe you need to redefine your notion of success, without factoring in what those around you have done.
Getting away from gambling was also a good move. My wife is awesome, and she left her previous dude cause he couldn't stop gambling.
It is important to stay focus and keep looking forward.
And eventually, I managed again on something else some 20 years later.
I've chosen to be modest because it is a world-wide impactful outcome but not am not an attention seeker.
Stay focus and look forward.
Also, I'm trying again.
From your title I was going to guess you had a gambling problem, it's interesting you mentioned it. The two are related and you know.
Can't help with how to fix it, but perhaps identifying the relationship helps.
> Now many of them are leading very successful startups that I could've likely been an early employee at.
I'd guess you are only looking at the wins you missed, not the losses you also have missed. And by win, even in the right company you might have left early. When do you pull out of bitcoin, when it doubles to $4? This is all related to how you view the world. This won't help you, but perhaps it's something you can work with someone on.
Go check out Gamblers Anonymous. Not sure how you overcame your gambling but if you haven't been it might help. And at minimum it'll be interesting.