So many self help books etc have this as the fundamental question “what do you want” and then figuring out the action plan etc.
People spend significant periods of time meditating trying to understand themselves and what they want.
For some College years and professional years are spent bumbling as they don’t know what they want.
All in all it seems incredibly hard to know what you want.
I have my theory and will go first:
- the world is random. As such so is your environment. Pair that with the a fickle human mind and you get something where you may know what you want now but not what you want over a longer period of time. The fickleness of mind together with randomness of ones environment leads to wanting/desiring different things at different times. So while one may know what they want now they may not be able to get a handle on a deeper pattern of what they want or the general types of things they gravitate to. There is very hard to know what you want (over a long period of time (which is what is often implied in the question what do you want))
If that hypothesis needs to be validated or nullified then it’s seems like meticulous journaling of what you want now and it’s why etc. would be one way to collect a record of those things. Over time with enough collection and review of the journal one may be able to see atleast a pattern of the types of things they want/ gravitate to. That’s the worse case scenario. The best case is you get immediate clarity on what you want.
This approach could help in understanding what one wants for their current phase in life (5/10 year) and not necessarily what they want for the rest of their life- even still it gives a great directional answers.
Finally it may be impossible (for the avg human) to know what they want for the rest of the life given we change as a person over time. You are not the same person you where 10 years ago. So there is a high probability that what you want now is different from what you wanted 10 years ago.
If you don't know what you want, you have most of what you want, so one will simply have to pick up an aversion to switching objectives too often, just like that thermostat's control circuit.
- Its impossible to know what we want at a young age, literally only 1% probably does one thing their entire life cause they are obsessed with it.
- The secret to life IMO is experimentation and exploration. As silicon valley as it sounds, we are shit at predicting what we want because of external influences and us being products of our surroundings. We only start making action when we get to the extreme point of dissatisfaction. However we can notice things that we enjoy in the process.
- Frequent introspections and writing helps. Journaling in general helps us understand our mind and is connected to real mental healing.
- Drawing up alternative paths (based on odyssey plan) => 5 years if i continue on my current track, 5 years for alternative, 5 years if money (or other responsibilities) were no issue puts things in perspective.
- In general it seems productivity is a myth. We can't push mentally through the catharsis of us really not wanting to do something. Its super super hard. It can be done, but hard to sustain long-term. Thats why gym habits take time.
- Focus on what brings flow or energy. Every day I try to notice what is the process where I lose myself in the moment. I recently discovered programming. I don't do it to make a startup or get a job, but its intellectually challenging and brings me joy. Its probably because of novelty, but it fills up my day as a hobby. Perhaps in 5 years it won't be the case anymore but there are always things to experiment try that'll put you on a different path
IMO people are in many ways the same person that they were some time ago, just not in all ways (Linda Berens created a helpful lens/labeling system for this: the Core, Developing, and Contextual you, so to speak).
So my own theory about this works in terms of frequencies. Longer waves are more reliable for identifying relevant interests and leveraging them; shorter, higher-frequency waves less so. It's generally more helpful to be aware of longer-term interests than shorter-term ones, especially when there's a known opportunity cost.
For example I was shopping for candy the other day and couldn't decide what to get except thinking from my list of favorite candy which I update over time (per your note on journaling), so I went with reliable ones. Instead of a random result, I got a reliable result that I wanted (good feeling about purchase later). Some random is good, but I find that usually I don't want all-random, but rather reliable-enjoyment.
It's been a very useful practice because even if I don't have a list for a given area, the same principles apply to other areas.
I've had some other surprises in this topic of thought too, for example usually if someone asks me what I want in life, it's reliably better for me to answer with shallow, little-picture stuff. Like, I want a week off work, a new tool or pocketknife to fiddle with, a stack of old DVDs from the library, and a $50 candy & soda budget. I have learned that I automatically focus with intensity on the big-picture stuff, which can lead to neglect of the little-picture in my own case, and that's the liability, not the other way around.
Anyway, thoughtful post, thanks for sharing your thoughts.