I am almost done with my master's and I am also working FT at a FAANG company. I had some free time this weekend, when I realized I could do anything, but there was nothing I wanted to do.
I know that to some degree I am burned out due to studies, courses and everything else, but I honestly don't know where to go from here.
I don't find my job particularly engaging, and I am considering returning to academia. I am having conversations with my co-supervisor on working with them after I graduate, and if that goes well, a PhD at the intersection of privacy, medicine and ML.
It that unless I find some big goal to work towards, I am empty, a vessel, becoming what I am doing du jour. I spend all my time working and thinking about the problem and when that stops I don't have anything else.
What can I do to deal with this apparent emptiness? I don't think diving into another project will cut it.
1) "Becoming what I am doing" is the normal human experience resulting from the adaptive nature of the brain and such. Life is dynamic.
2) It's only a problem if it's a problem. Is it a problem? The sense of being a vessel, I mean. There is nothing objectively or inherently wrong with that. If you are questioning it, then there is some potential value misalignment.
3) Get clarity on your values. Whether that's from doing the work in Simon Sinek's book Find Your Why, or The One Thing Core Values deck, or some form of Ikigai exercise, or whatever. This will help you learn the shape of your vessel.
4) When you are the sort who tends to function as a mirror, reflecting only the influences around you, and you want to find out "who you are" beyond the reflections, you will have to retreat away from those influences for a time. So, meditation practices and the like, where you can find some distance, some space, some quiet, for "you" to appear. I'd suggest avoiding the flaky commercialized crunchy social media conformant trendy meditation garbage, but that may not be useful until you can discern the difference.
> I know that to some degree I am burnt out due to studies, courses and everything else, but I honestly don't know where to go from here.
I don't think this has anything to you being poor or you being boring, these are strong warning flags for burnout and depression, and I urge you to take it seriously.
I'm doing a PhD right now. It's a pretty good experience, but it won't solve your problem of the "emptiness." In fact, it will take up a ton of your mental time: the current state you're in is good for a PhD since you have to think a lot about what you're working on.
If I were you I would question whether or not your current mindset is actually a problem. Maybe you truly like thinking about certain types of problems irrespective of external demands of an employer. If so, in my opinion that's okay. On the other hand if you decide that your current mindset is actually a problem and that you should broaden your horizons or change, you can! For example you can try new hobbies that have nothing to do with work and see how you feel doing those things (preferably join a club so you can do it with other people).
I’ve been using my sabbath day to explore the country I was living in (immersion in different places), and / or meeting people while at it. While traveling I was listening to audiobooks or playing games on my Switch (but overall reduced screen time). It was one of the factors getting me through an AI PhD.
If you come from a poor background you should be blessed with special knowledge of where the pain points are and how best you can help.
I was so looking forward to having free time, but when it ended I was similarly lost.
It takes time to find your way, to socialise a bit (to find some friends even!), to do something other than just studying intensely and working.
So be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself to have time that is unstructured. You will start to figure it out.
Do you want to explore nearby areas? Go hiking.
Do you want to capture moments? Try using your own phone and start photography.
Do you want to start a vlog? Invest in a GoPro
1. Find a therapist. If the first one or two or six don't work, keep looking.
2. Find something you like to do offline - reading, music (listening or playing), dancing, volunteering, whatever. If the first thing or two or six you try don't work, keep looking. Bonus points if it involves exercise, lots of bonus points if it involves interaction with other people (especially people from different backgrounds than the ones you're likely to encounter in your work / university).
As with all advice (especially from internet strangers), take with a grain of salt. Best of luck!
> I had some free time this weekend, when I realized I could do anything, but there was nothing I wanted to do.
I bet you were on the internet. At least, my experience lately is that the internet is very boring. I previously would have never expected to say that.
Dive into a project that isn't a project IMO. It's a hobby. For instance, FPV drones. They overlap well with your skillset (programming), but require some new learning (soldering, electronics). You can program autonomous flights later if that's interesting to you.
Programming is magic right now, and I would be looking for intersections where you can apply it in a way that's fun. I posted in another thread just now about projects I've built, and I mentioned a few programming projects. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33583779
Other than finding a non-boring hobby, I would just get out in the world. Meet some people. Do things you're afraid of. Cosplay as a different personality sometimes. Just pretend you're really outgoing and walk into a new bar. Experiment with life in non-permanent ways and see what suits you.
I know it can be hard to see the world through other peoples' lenses, but you don't have much time. Don't waste it on boring shit that you find meaningless.
I went to a few therapists and I did find one I could relate to, but it didn't make miracles happen. I do not think it is worth it.
I found a hobby I really liked - it is photographing birds in flight. It is hard to do well, but easy to do. I am not suggesting that, but as an example you can meet people through photography clubs, through Audobon field trips, through going to places where birds are spotted (ebirds.org). I am also, because of the birds, engaged in environment where I work with a community group of chemists, geologists, interested people. My skills in programming help with charting and anazlying results of samples we collect. Maybe you want to get in shape and meet people are 10K;s or play pickleball or rugby or whatever. Maybe you want to write and can get brave enough to expose your work at a writers club.
My point is that if work isn't it now, it pays the bills and use it as a means to make enough money to do something you think you really like. So photography, bird watching, running, team sports, teaching (think helping high school robotics team), any community group for any cause needs web designers, collecting things, model railroading, drones, flying. (My first non-work activity was flyiing and until I busted my medical was a great thing for me).
EDIT 1: Plus-one for the commenters suggesting doing something with other people — especially something that benefits kids, or others, who are less fortunate than you (it's an amazing mood enhancer).
EDIT 2: Absolutely be sure to get regular, vigorous exercise of some kind — even just rapid walking — to release endorphins.
Some people here are going to tell you that you're depressed and that there's nothing wrong with having a personality that doesn't feel like a personality to you. It's possible you're depressed or burned out, and that you don't know yourself yet, but I doubt you feel the way you do without a good reason. Those with expressive personalities are more likely to have opportunities placed in front of them. There are clear advantages to learning who you are and being able to make yourself interesting to others.
Don't forget to do other things outside of work and vice. It doesn't matter what it is. Try different things out. Go to a climbing gym. Or not. Doesn't matter. You can learn a new language. Or not. Do you enjoy alcohol? Get into wine tasting or home distilling. Just do things and don't be afraid to ditch them if you lose interest. All I know is that I've found a lot of benefit in simply trying things no matter how short lived those interests turned out to be. Do some crazy things, too, within a reasonable risk tolerance. Get on a plane tomorrow and go to Hawaii, or Detroit, or whatever. Dress like a punk and go to a local punk rock show. Buy a large pry bar and go around town at night lifting up manhole covers to see what's under them. Literally anything.
Maybe explore and expose yourself to a little bit of everything to see if there is anything you are missing out on?
It sounds like you don't want to keep practicing 'work-y' stuff.
You'll need to sit down and puzzle out what it is that you want to be doing with the little time we all have on this planet. It may take a few months to try to figure that out for yourself, likely it'll take the rest of your life.
There's just oodles of advice on how to do that online. Two bits of advice there: involve close family/friends in the conversation and involve your religious/spiritual practice too. You'll be more successful and it'll be more fulfilling.
It's a heck of a journey and you're going to have a hard but worthwhile time with it.
Per the PhD stuff, read this: https://acoup.blog/2021/10/01/collections-so-you-want-to-go-...
It's tailored to the humanities side, but all my STEMy PhD friends said that it's very very similar to their experiences.
And if you want a variety of things, I made a list of things ideas for when someone is bored, from learning music or unicycling, to a balanced program for self-development and service, etc etc. Having some goals and a purpose in life can be a big help. The tech-simple site is listed in my HN profile, then you can click "Fun..." then "If someone is bored...". I think there is a lot there.
ps: I also have some content about choosing a purpose in life. I recommend learning and service, to lift self & others the best one can.
First of all, I think this is not so unusual for people who are very good at focusing on a particular problem area. See the cliché of the absent-minded professor. If you are constantly thinking about the same area, whether the issues are difficult or not, you cannot hope to just turn this off and immediately find something else appealing.
My primary advice is not to search for something new you want to do, but to apply an indirect strategy: Establish a weekend routine were you try to force any work-related thoughts out of your mind from Friday evening till Monday morning. So if you find yourself thinking about work at the weekend, stop that train of thought immediately and force yourself to think about something else, whatever that is. Do this a few weekends in a row and see what happens.
From one perspective you’re in a pretty exciting position. You’d about to wrap up the study/formation part of your life. You’ve got a job that should offer long-term financial stability and a fairly clear career path.
You have spent so long getting somewhere. Now you’re there and you don’t know what to do with all the time you spent getting there. I think this “quarter life crisis” is fairly common among the graduate classes. What do you do when you reach the end of the process laid out for you?
The solution is to just do… anything. Try lots of stuff and see what you enjoy. Is there anything that’s ever tempted you but felt “not for you” or too scary to try? Now’s the time.
For me, my relationships with other people are what can really bring meaning. I would suggest trying to find something you enjoy or that helps others that brings you around other people. You could consider looking in your community for volunteer opportunities or taking up a hobby that involves others. I'd echo other's comments here and suggest something physical, maybe a running group or sports league.
For the burnout I'd suggest meditation and therapy. The Headspace intro course could be a good start. It might be hard to find something that interests you and connect with others until the burnout is dealt with.
Or try camping,a few days outside the comforts of modern life. Put yourself in the shoes of your ancestors of millenia past and try imagine how they lived. Speculate in what they cared about.
I'm with you. As an introvert, it can be tough to figure out how to build yourself instead of building for someone else.
I'd say explore and start small. Are there anchor points in the arts, fitness/sports, ways to try some fun and local courses? Meetups? It is not going to be quick and easy.
Don't worry about getting a perfect theory of yourself built right away. You will have to try a bunch of things and see what resonates. Become a self-experimenter and keep a diary that you can do back to monthly to figure out which pathways are better to dig into long-term.
It sounds like your life has been filled by (valid) fears that have driven you to work hard all the time. Now that you have moments when you don't have life threatening fears swooping down on you, adapt. Don't try to find new fears to fill that void. Deal with being in the new situation of finally having a choice about what you do.
It sounds like you are on the cusp of living your own life, which might be bewildering at first, but ultimately, really awesome. Good luck!
I got it -- _go touch grass_.
Can recommend anything involving social involving exercise i.e. hiking, playing a sport (I play tennis occasionally). Occasionally random eating out is fun (I ended up with a bunch of Googlers on one). Works wonders. You return with clarity.
I think I've done 390 meetup events now. I've met and made a lot of friends over the last few years, some have stuck.
Even better might be another hobby, so that you feel better about your life balance.
Either would be a good distraction from your current negative perspective. Pick one up, and pick up a more positive perspective - you owe it to yourself.
If you want a price of what I’ve got I suggest starting here:
https://www.audiodharma.org/series/introduction
Or if you prefer YouTube:
The master here is a guy named Gil. He’s very interesting and his style appeals to western style engineers:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gil_Fronsdal
Good luck. The path your on can be extraordinarily painful.
You might need to go out and find out who you are by getting into a lot of situations
It takes years
every developer i know at FAANG, SaaS, or the hundreds of other companies where the core problem is already solved or the business model is net useless to humanity falls into one of two buckets
1. has an extraordinarily rich inner life and is happy with being able to churn away for 20–40 hours a week on useless things, and return to their family/friends/hobbies with a huge check
2. is on antidepressants and desperately trying to find meaning
meanwhile, all the dev friends i have who work in biotech or healthcare are all pretty happy, maybe a little peeved at their lowered salary, but otherwise feel extreme confidence that they are doing good for the world
pick your poison i guess, i chose biotech and am extremely happy with my decision, going on 2.5 years now
join some real life groups outside your professional world, meetups etc.
cultivate something you like outside of work, movies, sport, cooking, gardening, travel etc.
kind of like Zuck's personal challenges, make a habit to do something annually, monthly
Moneywise you're probably set for life at this stage, so it's time to look at health / fitness.
Avoiding both these extremes, the Perfect One has realized the Middle Path; it gives vision, gives knowledge, and leads to calm, to insight, to enlightenment and to Nibbana. And what is that Middle Path realized by the Tathagata...? It is the Noble Eightfold Path, and nothing else, namely: right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.
Without a goal!
-- Physical Intellectual Emotional Spiritual
--
Family Friends Health Wealth Virtue --
Maybe spend some time improving one of these?