I’m massively burnt out. Like, severe depression burnt out. Go on medication for the first time in my life burnt out. Still love coding, but global events as well as very stressful last couple years of toil at work has left me in the worst state I’ve ever been in.
Additionally, I’ve spent the last 25 years wanting to “do my own thing,” but never giving into the urge - just optimizing for staying on track. I don’t mean bootstrap a startup, I mean indulge in work-adjacent curiosities. Make stuff for the sake of making it. That’s all.
It’s occurred to me that it might be a good time to kill several birds with one stone: take a year off.
I know not working for someone else for a year will supercharge recovering from depression. I had a couple month LOA this year and life got way better, but went right back to shit after LOA. It wasn’t long enough. Right now I’m trying to recover from work induced depression while working. It feels Sisyphean to say the least.
A year of getting to dabble in personal programming projects is a dream I’ve withheld from myself for multiple decades. Giving myself that gift … is a level of generosity that almost feels unimaginable.
Clearing my head for a year might let me find a new more sustainable way to work. I’ve stuck with FAANG because of great comp but I don’t like working on big teams/big companies. I’ve never given myself the space to think about how else I can make money by coding (something I truly love) that suits my values and stage of life better than just continuing to grind in bloated FAANG companies.
Compensation is trending to the lowest it’s been in years due to depressed RSUs and potential of growth for those RSUs. In other words, this is kinda the lowest opportunity cost time to quit, I think. I’d be missing out on a period of very low compensation.
And I’ve been at my last gig for a LONG time. We all know that the longer you stay at a tech job, the more undercompensated you became, at least in terms of base. So leaving and then coming back to a new company, if couldn’t find a new non-FAANG path, is at least likely to boost earnings (reset RSU value too) and hasten retirement.
So why not do it?
* Unsure how far back it sets retirement. My FA can’t/won’t tell me. He just says I can afford to take a year off.
* Re-employability. I’m obviously “old”. My resume is great, but I feel like age + gap year is not to be trifled with, esp if hiring is still icy a year from now.
* Might not want to go back ever?
* Medical catastrophe? I guess I just need to make sure I buy really good insurance during this time?
Should also mention I have a wife and kids and am also partially supporting my parents. I’m the sole earner. So the responsibility is large. Still, I can afford the year, but it’s scary.
Would really appreciate the wisdom of anyone who’s been at least close to this situation before.
I sympathize with your post-LOA feelings; going right back into the same environment is hard.
"Giving myself that gift … is a level of generosity that almost feels unimaginable." Well said and agreed; it can be emotionally challenging to name and act on doing good things for ourselves, particularly if supporting others is part of our life and identity.
The pros list is pretty significant in my opinion; it's a great strength to enter a sabbatical with a clear idea of how you want to use that time.
Not wanting to go back ever seems like a positive outcome :P
Could you get a more specific measure on how far back a break would set retirement? Are you in a position where you could retire now - sub chunky - and still survive?
When I got to the point where my barriers to leaving were mostly psychological, I ran through the following exercises to build the self-confidence I needed to put in my notice.
1. Writing down all the things that I was unhappy with in my current position, just to get them down on paper and make them more tangible.
2. Writing down all the things I was excited for, so that I could change my mindset from "I hate my job and should have quit a year ago" to "I'm excited to have the time and space to do the things I want to".
3. Writing down all the things I had achieved at work in a way that made it feel like a complete project that I could feel good leaving.
4. Reviewed the non-monetary needs my job fulfilled (social network, work impact, etc.) and sketched out how I would meet those needs during my break.
5. Gave myself a semi-artificial deadline of leaving around my 10 year anniversary, for no reason other than it was a nice round number.
Let me know if this is helpful!