How to deal with an asshole colleague?

"Can you tune the ego down? Some of us just want to get work done and not deal with this' And then you do circle waves with your hands toward them. Realistically, you're going to need to bring it to their attention have to reinforce. "Constructive criticism only please" You're going to have to teach them how to treat you. Don't take shit. Assert dominance by maintaining eye contact while doing the above. "None of this will matter in 50 years when you're dead and everyone forgets you existed"

File a complaint with your HR department that he’s creating a hostile work environment. It now becomes your org’s responsibility to correct this inappropriate behavior, as you’ve created a paper trail for discovery during an employment lawsuit.

Don’t quit. Toxic people must be dealt with head on.

Well start by acknowledging you won't be changing them. You can only change/control yourself.

So you need to identify what is making you such a target. Perhaps because you're the spookie rookie? Or is it more? You have identified you feel bad but why? Figuring this out is how you fix not becoming the target in the future.

You can try manipulation. Whenever you are alone with them you talk them up, 'oh man you're too talented to be here' type of talk. It could help. Beware getting caught.

Learn from dogs. How did you respond to this person? If you respond non-emotionally or neutraly to their bad behaviour. Imagine you were dogs. You have 1 dog coming and nipping at you. What do you do? You show your teeth first, if it doesnt stop, you growl, if it doesn't stop you either leave or you bite.

Also be sure you're responding correctly. If someone isnt being an asshole and everyone around doesnt think their behaviour is wrong. When you bite back, you become the asshole. So you have to be sure you're on the right side.

If your manager doesn't help you out, it will be in your best interest to move on. I mean that's literally their job, and if they fail you for such basic asks, they will likely fail you in other things as well. If you like the company, the best case would be to get a transfer to a different manager.

The no asshole rule. I’m going to ruin the book so anyone who wants to read it can stop right now.

Life is too short to work with assholes. Call them out. If they don’t change, tell the boss. If the boss doesn’t act, get a new job.

That’s it. Oh also, don’t be an asshole. Nobody wants to work with assholes.

Tell him to fuck off. Some people only understand that kind of language.

look for a new job. ask for a transfer. accept new job, give two weeks notice, bounce.

i've read the Stanford prof's books on dealing with aholes, etc. -- it's all fantasy. maybe there's something out there that could work, but i doubt it.

my general take on these situations is that they are all identical, across industries. Things have not changed, and they will most likely not change until some crazy culture shift happens at work. I don't see it on the horizen but a 4-day work week is coming, so who knows?

and, not really pertinent to the outcome, but i am curious if he was around during the interview, and/or if you inquired if there were an aholes on the team or supervising you. i'd guess not, but i've been in situations where even people who were not outwardly prototypical assholes -- more like 'nice guys' -- turn out to be real assholes, and they hide well in plain site during interviews.

If the organization tolerates assholes, the organization tolerates assholes.

Or the team at a smaller scale.

Your third option is to talk with HR about a different position.

Without making trouble for anyone of course. There’s no point in that. All you need is to walk away without drama.

Good luck.

(Edit: there may be a simple reason the person is ex-googly).

Is he actively trying to get rid of you to free your req for another Google ubermensch? I ask as it's usually harder to counter an explicit plan than general personality issues.

The relationship with your manager is the single most important thing regarding work.

If you don't respect your manager or your manager doesn't respect you, it's probably wise to pretend that you're already getting PIP'd.

Today you are angry and motivated, but if you let this continue, you will end up burnt out with an abundance of cynicism and the feeling of defeat. You must protect yourself.

The best revenge is to live a better life.

> OTOH it is a bit fucked up to quit a job especially these days because of an incapable manager and an a$$hole colleague.

This is self talk to prevent yourself from doing what you already know you need to do. It is a false barrier and a prison of your own making.

At a previous job I worked at, the manager said there was official policy on high about the phrase "creating a hostile work environment," and that hearing that phrase invokes mandatory HR process. So if you want to go to your manager and say, "I feel like Mr. google is creating a hostile work environment," you can certainly see how that goes. Harassment is a legal claim, so you will spike anxiety. You can write an e-mail (or keep a contemporaneous journal) if you want paper trail.

Just keep in mind you're basically in the position of launching a sexual harassment claim. I have multiple friends who tried to get sexual harassment addressed, it generally resulted in them being moved teams or let go. If you're not Susan Fowler, the lesson is clear, the squeaky wheel is moved to protect the engine.

Here is some reading for you:

https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment

Don't have enough information from you. Big company, small company, medium sized company?

In work situations, if you have an utter complete and total asshole as a boss, best to beat feet and get out. Almost no company is going to back the subordinate over the boss.

If you like the company and it is a large company, and want to stay, then apply to another department, another job. If it is a small company, most likely you have to leave.

Or the third alternative is to stay and deal with it. Maybe if you "gamify" it, it will be better. Instead of getting angry, make it a game. Just like a video game, try different things to move forward and get around obstacles.

https://hbr.org/2018/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-a-bad-boss

There are many pieces of advice that can be said, but what I would say is this:

Don't bottle all of this in; it'll only build resentment.

Be humble, speak your mind appropriately and professionally, and after you've done so, lean on the tech lead and manager for direction.

Stop caring. No need to put your heart on the table.

> I'm at the verge of quitting

Quit, but have another job lined up first.

Just stop talking to them. "Send me an email".

Read “Don’t Shoot the Dog” by Karen Pryor. Use operant conditioning to change their behavior. Make them your bitch.

Quit.

Punch em in the nose

I get a strong "check your own shoes" vibe here