I left a long term job about 7 months ago, join another company and very quickly realised I didn’t like the atmosphere so left there for what should have been my dream job, however I’m 4 months in, still in probationary period and think I’m burning out (home, kids, marriage, etc)
I’m not sure if to tell my boss, tell the company or how to deal with it, because I can’t afford to loose this job with a family to support.
I'm assuming the boss/company cannot afford to keep you on indefinitely if you're not productive. As a manager, how I react to you bringing some version of this to me honestly depends a lot on how promising I thought you were and how well you seem to be doing so far.
If you're doing really well and I had no idea you were feeling burnt out until you told me, I want to find ways to accommodate within whatever my constraints are and help you get on your feet. Likewise if your work quality and productivity varies a lot with some excellent and some disappointing, though it's critical that some be excellent, or at least excellent-given-your-level-and-how-long-you've-been-here.
If you haven't given me much reason to believe you're going to be a great asset to the team eventually, I'm sympathetic but it's going to seem like a bad business decision to pay you while you drag down the perceived 'bar' of productivity.
And no, don't tell your boss. If they haven't noticed your burnout by now, it'll only make them be super critical of everything you do. Yes, bosses can be friends but it's a new job, I doubt you have bonded that strongly already (or you wouldn't be asking this question here in the first place).
I left a job of 3 years after feeling a little bored/frustrated, thought a new job would fix things but it only made things worse. I last 2 months before leaving for another job, 3 months into that and I felt equally burned out. No amount of gritting my teeth has made it completely easy and all these jobs were paying 400k+ in total comp, so the money wasn't making it tolerable either.
Given I have a sick family member and a mortgage to pay, I can't just quit or loose this job. So I remind myself that others have it much worse and that I really need this job.
My strategy so far: 1. Set an end date, I know that I'm going to switch jobs and roll the dice again at a pre-determined time. This helps me be more sane by having a finite timeline on leaving this environment. 2. Coast as much as possible, do just enough to stay employed and don't work too hard or sacrifice your mental energy/health for things like technical debates or politics. Just do what people ask to stay afloat, don't make enemies and try to be someone non-controversial that everyone likes (or at least doesn't hate) to talk to. 3. Focus any and all free time on things that make you happy. Do hobbies that don't involve screens, make physical things, exercise, see your friends, have quality time with your wife and kids, work on developing new skills that make you feel fulfilled.
Not sure if this is relevant to you, but the most important thing for me has been recognizing that (for me personally) work is not a place to get fulfillment or meaning out of life. Can it do that sometimes? Sure it can, it has for small periods of time for me. But if you rely on it being your primary source of identity and meaning, then you are inevitably going to be burnt out and disappointed eventually. Find meaning in the rest of life and have more balance.
I know with kids/marriage/etc this can be hard to do but I (someone in a similar situation) find that an hour of exercise every day makes all the difference in the world.
I would advice not discussing this with the company until your probationary period is over. As they can let you go for any reason. Once you are through you have a firm ground to take time off and recover.
I'm not sure if you're in EU or not. But at least in Germany if you are let go during probation whilst on sick leave, your health insurer will pay out 70% of your salary until you are better. After that the unemployment office will take over. Id advice talking to a local employment lawyer to know your rights but know there is usually a safety net for these scenarios. Perhaps it makes you feel more secure in calling in sick even if you are still in the probation period.
If you happen to be in Germany and need someone to talk to to figure things out regarding your rights feel free to DM me on Twitter.
Over time, hopefully you will be able to find other ways to manage stress, and take a well-deserved vacation.
I'm sorry that i don't have a solution for you. But i just wanted to say that you are not alone. Maybe try exercise or some other distraction...again to help cope woith things. Who knows, maybe as you do these other coping activities, maybe you wil stumble on what your solution could be? Good luck, feel better, and hang in there! If you wish to chat, feel free to reach out; my HN profile has my contact info.
On the "should I tell my boss" note, I would do that after trying everything else and ask whether it is possible to take temporary 1 week off without pay to get yourself back on track. Since you barely know your boss, I think you should not focus on how it affects your work yet and just explain how it affects your family everybody has family so I think your boss would resonate.
I like to look at it this way, you are hired because you have the skill and proved to be better than other candidates and the company took time and effort to find you, I trust that they will want to work with you through this instead of abandoning you.
Last but not least, I find that for every job, you feel a little loss at first but to truly integrate and feel like you are part of the team is to start having some wins (big or small) so you should look around, find taks that you can accomplish or want to learn/work on and actively request to do those. It will help boosting your confident and make working more fun imo.
There's always going to be times in your career that you are more or less productive. Some times everything is clicking and you feel like you're firing on all cylinders. Other times things suck and you just have to show up and do your best. I've been through that pattern so many times in my career, I can't even count.
That is pretty vague. Are you home less? More stressed and arguing? Sounds like you need to talk to your spouse and go over what is going on - they should be accepting of the situation and maybe cut you some slack? Get a baby sitter and spend time with them. I know I take responsibilities very seriously and get stressed when my new boss really doesn't expect too much from the new guy. Make sure you get some rest and me time. If you're spending lots of time stressed but procrastinating you should ask more questions or work more closely with a buddy. I have the exact same problem though so when you figure out the answer tell me. :)
Do you think you could manage the job if there were no expectations on you outside the job? Could your partner get on board with you needing some time with very few home responsibilities (as it's best for the family in the long run)?
Can you find access to nature? For me, a couple of unstructured hours getting bored in a truly natural setting feels almost like a vacation.
Karezza could help create a generous, non-transactional vibe at home and help you maintain creative energy.
Best wishes as you navigate this.
Don't wait, start somewhere. The therapist can help you distill what changes you can make in your life to get to a better place.
If so, you should probably keep at it. Baby steps and try to find ways to relax in the evenings and weekends.
Check this out:
#notlegaladvice
Looking at this from another angle, you cannot afford to keep this job because you have a family to support. A burnt-out parent is not helpful to their family. You need your energy to truly support them, and if this job is burning you out, then it is not working.
So yes - tell your boss. Tell your company. Either they will work with you and fix the problem, or they won't and you need to find something else. Either way, you are acting on a problem instead of stagnating in burnout. The short-term pain of finding new work is better than the long-term pain of being a burnt-out parent.
Let's be honest here. You know the right thing to do is to tell your boss / company.
As someone who has sat on the employer side of the table, I can tell you that there's nothing that pisses off an employer more than an employee that tries to hide things, and then, by the time it becomes known, its too late. Its always better to be proactive and resolve a problem before it becomes a PROBLEM.
Speaking frankly for a moment, do you honestly think your employer will be happy if you say nothing during your probation period and then you start claiming sick leave and vacation days on Day One ?
Honestly, the best thing is to be grown-up about it and talk to your employer. Your employer will appreciate it. You will feel less stressed out about it. Win-Win.