HACKER Q&A
📣 dsattt

How to overcome job search exhaustion?


I've been applying to jobs since February and I have reached a point where just looking at another job post gives me anxiety and makes me depressed.

I've done around 40 interviews in the past couple of months alone and I am exhausted. It looks like I will be unemployed until the next year and I have no idea how to get a job.

Technical lead with over 10 years experience. I often get praises during interviews, but never an offer.


  👤 wincy Accepted Answer ✓
I don’t know OP, I’m a tech lead who has done his fair share of interviews and based on your few comments on HN there seem to be some red flags with how you’re viewing the interview process. Saying “one person derails things because I’d outshine them” seems to externalize the blame. I don’t know that I’ve ever worked with any engineer who thinks they’d be worse off by hiring an extremely intelligent engineer. I’d love to be “outshined” as it’d make my life easier to have someone competent writing code with me and teaching me new things. I have a strong suspicion “I’m too smart” isn’t the issue here.

Also, do you honestly think this has been the case at over forty places? That in dozens of separate cases you weren’t the problem, the interviewers were? This seems like an extraordinarily hostile and pessimistic worldview and I’d guess it’d come across in an interview. Eventually you need to do some soul searching into what’s going awry in the interviews. I have a good friend who is a software engineer and is autistic. He speaks about his interviews similarly to what you’ve said. Maybe ask a friend about what they might think is the problem. Be prepared though, because often if you solicit honest feedback from friends you won’t like what they have to say.

Also why are you only applying at places that do leetcode style interviews? There’s plenty of places where that’s not the case, especially if you work outside of tech companies. There’s plenty of great Fortune 500 companies that will expect a 9-5 and are doing good engineering out there. Most of them are hiring remote. Although if you’re expecting FAANG salaries it might be harder to find that type of place.

I wish you the best and hope you get to a better place. Good luck!


👤 ilc
Principal Software Engineer here, 25+ years, been a team lead, and architect.

Frankly: You are "on tilt." Every interview you take right now, you are throwing out an opportunity.

"It looks like I will be unemployed until the next year and I have no idea how to get a job." - This is a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you believe that... stop interviewing and rest, let yourself recover from the burnout and grind of interviewing. Let yourself feel like actually wanting to interview and work again.

After that:

Go back to the leetcode grind, make sure you are RAZOR sharp. Make sure you learn from the stuff people post to brag. Start writing stuff you'd brag about.

How do I know all the above: I've tried not doing it, and doing it... I can tell you resting is MUCH better, and the market reacted MUCH more positively to me. I'm talking in terms of offers etc, not just the feedback.


👤 m0llusk
Similar situation here with over 30 years experience. Early on there were some obvious flaws in my resume, cover letters, and interviewing. Some of that can be fixed and some of that is just me being anxious and autistic which isn't going to completely go away though to some extent that can be controlled. In general there is a problem that I mostly interview with people who have around 5-15 years of experience and to them my resume and skill set don't fit in the usual boxes.

Many replies in this thread are suggesting that there is one thing going wrong but in my case a potentially interesting conclusion is that there are lots of different failure modes coming up. Mostly things come apart in coding evaluations where I get nervous and make mistakes and in general go too slow. Other points of contention that have come up is a lack of experience with specific tools and libraries involved in the work. Experience and methodology with testing and ideas about management is also a big deal. Several interviews have gone off the rails when my take on Agile didn't completely mesh with what companies are doing. So it is good to always look for what in yourself you can improve but also be aware that no one is completely perfect and in many cases even one minor issue can prevent an offer from being made.


👤 dirtybirdnj
I'm right there with you.

I was a backend web developer for 10 years until COVID hit, and after getting laid off I've been bouncing between menial low-wage jobs. I can be a capable, productive member of a development team but the experience I've had makes me look unhirable? I don't really understand it.

Once you get "high up" enough in the job market and fall down, there is something that is perceived as wrong with you. It's unfair but it's real. I've been in it for 2+ years.

I have reached a point of toxic burnout that I'm having incredible difficulty recovering from. I spend my days at a menial job that causes immense stress and mental anxiety, and then I come home and try to look for jobs, apply to a few before getting discouraged and pass out. The suggestions to "take a break" seem cruel and mocking to someone who desperately needs to pay the bills and can't find a way to work harder to earn more. My only other options are things like housekeeping, diswashing, or other out-of-tech jobs.

It's almost impossible to overcome self-hate and shame when every experience you need to "prove yourself" fails and you are unable to justify your value or existence to family or peers. I used to be a software developer now I'm just an angry wage slave.


👤 paxys
Assuming you are making it to final rounds, 40 interviews, at an average of 6-8 per company, means you have been rejected by 5-7 companies. If you are aiming for only FAANG-equivalents then competition for the open positions is obviously intense, and your experience isn't too out of the ordinary. I'd wager the best programmer on the planet will have a <50% success rate at leetcode-style interviews. Remember that you are aiming for $300K-500K/yr salary at age 32. That puts you in the top 0.01% of the global population. It isn't meant to be easy.

You have two paths forward. Either double down, do more coding prep, more mock interviews, keep applying, and eventually you will get that offer. Or aim for one tier lower and find a smaller company or startup that is a good fit for your skill set.


👤 kleer001
> gives me anxiety and makes me depressed

Nope. It may not entirely seem like it, but our emotional response to things are ours, they're not inherent in the objects of our focus. At least that's what my old and moldy stoic teachers tell me.

> I am exhausted

That's the key. That's real. There's no arguing with that. That you know it is the first step. I agree with another commentator, take some time off. But I'd add that the time off should be smaller and more frequent, something calming and sustainable.

> I've done around 40 interviews > Technical lead with over 10 years experience

Holy smoking duck nuts, that sounds exasperating! You have my sympathy.

Someone once asked a man how he was. He replied, “I’m going through hell!” Said his friend: “Well, keep on going. That is no place to stop!”

Best of luck!


👤 hellolemon
If you have done 40 interviews, you are clearly qualified for the roles. I think you need to be more selective about what roles you apply to, and spent more time preparing for the interviews. Answer basic questions like why are you applying to that company? What do you gain from that role? People can smell desperation.

I only started job searching seriously in July and I even took 2 weeks off in August. I was also unemployed. I only interviewed for the roles that I clearly felt was what I wanted. I spent weeks preparing for them and only did 2 final interviews. One I got rejected due to hiring freeze, but I got an offer for the second one in mid September.

So my advice is to really ask yourself why do you want to apply for a role. Don’t machine gun it.


👤 jedberg
You gotta change something up. Get a certification or learn a new skill if you have the savings to do it. Get a job in another field that hires everyone -- I once took a job as an SAT teacher while I was between jobs because at least it gave me something to do.

Volunteer. Especially if you can volunteer at a relevant industry conference, where you can at least mingle with people who might be able to give you a job lead.

Since you said you had 10 years of experience I assume you haven't gone through a downturn before (or maybe got in right at the end of the last one). It's tough but it's a numbers game. Eventually you'll find someone who is hiring, but you may have to do something else for a while.


👤 drewfis
>Technical lead with over 10 years experience. I often get praises during interviews, but never an offer.

If you have 10 years tech lead experience I assume you are applying for 200k+ base salary positions. The competition for these staff/lead roles is steeper, especially for remote roles during a recession.

Take a couple interviews for less senior positions and knock them outta the park, get your confidence back. Probably won't require too much prep and will be low stress if the job is in your stack.

Getting an offer feels nice - it's validating, especially in a dry spell.


👤 thisiswrongggg
Job market is weird and gets weirder and more hostile as you grow more senior and older.

Yet, it is a numbers game. Just keep at it and maybe change your focus a bit. E.g. if you target startups leave them aside and focus on banks or health sector. Pivot around.


👤 deckard1
There's a lot of woo-woo going on in this thread.

You need to find the actual problem. You're making it to the interview, so all these companies feel you're at least minimally qualified for the job. Are you just getting unlucky that all these companies are in a hiring freeze and aren't willing to commit right now? Have you changed up your interviewing, tried anything new? Are you having further post-interview discussions that are turning sour? Money discussions?

I would look at doing a few paid practice interviews online. Their services are designed to provide you honest feedback to help you. There may be something going on that you're not aware of and interviewers don't want to tell you.


👤 ipaddr
I tried to get a new position in June/July. I asked for slightly above top salary bands for language/stack. I also tried to find a place without daily standups. I did many interviews/rounds/tests with a dozen places but never got that final offer either. It was strange the number of interview rounds at different places without even lowball offer. It felt like people were just interviewing to interview but too afraid to make the offer. After a month I stopped the process and just remained at my current job.

I think companies are afraid to hire but hr needs to do things so they interview.

Half of the places I interviewed are still looking for that senior developer and have new monthly job ads. There is something preventing hiring and a different force pushing for conversations/interviews


👤 justanother
I have been in exactly this position. It does end. In the meantime, make sure you're getting fresh air and plenty of sleep. And try not to schedule an interview every day, you need at least one weekday away from it.

👤 umbauk
Sounds like you could benefit from a coach to help you to find out why you're being rejected. It's likely something you're not aware of and if 40 different interviewers can spot it in an hour then I'm sure a coach could too.

👤 confidantlake
If you need a job, any job, try consulting companies. Often they just need warm bodies and if you are minimally competent and aren't a jerk in the interview you will be ok.

Definitely get some mocks if you can. There may be something that is easy to fix that you are unaware of.

For better jobs, it is not easy right now. On my most recent job search I had 1.5 offers from big tech (congrats you passed but no more hiring this year!), and 30-40 rejections, from the other big tech, to large enterprise, to small startups. If you are only going for the big jobs, might be time to just chill for a while until things start to thaw.


👤 SuoDuanDao
One thing I found helped during my 9-month job search was to have a project I was working on at the same time. A huge factor why job searching is exhausting is that one doesn't see any progress. Having a 'resume filler' helped me feel like I was still moving in a positive direction.

👤 gwbas1c
Been in a similar situation. I was a lead with almost 20 years experience, and I got laid off right before the pandemic.

It takes a bit of patience. One thing that I learned is that ageism really isn't a thing, but that most openings really are for people with a little less experience than us. This is because a lot of companies are willing to take a chance on someone who costs less; but set the bar exceptionally high for someone who costs more.

To keep sane, I worked on learning projects and only hunted for jobs about 50% of my day-to-day time. My general pattern was to spend a few mornings or afternoons hunting through the "who's hiring" Hacker News thread, and then spend the remainder of the month seeing where it went. By the end of the month I was ready to hit the next "who's hiring" thread.

It took me almost a year. Thankfully pandemic unemployment kept me from digging into savings.

Some things to keep in mind:

I recently worked with someone brilliant who told me he had lots and lots of interviews before finding the job. He occasionally rubbed me the wrong way. I suspect he may have habitually rubbed people the wrong way in interviews, too.

Another time I rejected a candidate who was hired against my recommendation, who then went to be a lead. At times he was very difficult to work with, although he generally did the job well. My questions weren't hard, in this case, he interviewed for a job in C# and didn't know how to use a dictionary in a whiteboarding coding session... The interview just got... awkward.

Finally, don't forget that getting this kind of job is always a numbers game. Keep trying. Really. Just keep trying.


👤 swsdsailor
If you suspect ageism, try interviewing at large companies whos primary business is not tech. Ive rejected candidates who struggled with the basics, for not explaining their thought process, constantly interrupting me (or arguing),not listening to my guidance, some even ran the interview and didn’t think it was worth their time to solve the questions. You have to be able to do the job but also, we have to feel we can work with you and you can adapt to our codebase without having to justify every past decision to you. It’s amazing to me how many people I would have hired had they just worked through the problem step by step, communicated, and taken my feedback seriously. It seems to me there is a serious lack of basics and communication skills out there. I suspect none of the candidates were aware of their mistakes. I never ask trick/FAANG style question. However, I have noticed more junior team members are ruthless with their judgement during the interview process. Find a company with an older demographic, and treat the interview as a peer work session. Whatever you do, don’t give up.

👤 fbrncci
Just keep interviewing, in May my interview counter hit 50 for the year, and 6 interviews later I ended up with a job. I just saw every interview as a opportunity to get better at the process. If a leetcode style interview was mentioned, I would decline.

👤 lgleason
Has the market become this tough/bad?

👤 empathygeezer
Everybody else wants to give you hope. There is none. I am on a dozen slacks, and these stories of desparation are far too frequent. This downtown is far, far, far worse than 1993, 2000 and 2008.

The privileged rich libertarian crypto bros who work at FAANG are all suffering from survivorship bias. Don’t let them makw you feel like shit, their hardships will come in a year or two as well.

I am in the same boat. Nearly 25 years of experience, but I got fired a week after Covid lockdowns began and haven’t been able to find anything since.

Covid was really hard on me, I’ve lost both my parents, my best friend and maky others. I caught covid while holding my mother when she died of the same disease, and my body has never recovered, nor has my spirit.

I ran out of short term savings about a month ago and now I’m living in a friend’s broken down sprinter van after having sold everything I owned.

Just sold my laptop, and promised my mother’s ghost I would try until 1 January. Then I will stop taking my medicine and within a day or two I will join her and my dad. This way I wont have to eat into my estranged son’s college fund.

Good luck.


👤 crnkofe
Having gone through a similar but maybe less stressful experience during first COVID wave my suggestion is to take a break and act on the feedback. I applied to remote only positions and found companies would generally send me some feedback after the interview or some hints as-to what they didn't like. I probably rewrote my CV up-to 5, 6 times over the interviewing period. I also spend way too long digging into standard interview questions and leetcode madness which I'm still not particularly good at.

Also don't stress too much over failing interviews. Especially for full remote positions companies are trigger-happy. One, two mistakes and you're out. Request a wage that's too high and you're out without any feedback. Not to mention all the companies that are just doing the interviews but not really hiring and those special cases where they simply ignore take-home assignments.


👤 powerslacker
1) Take a short break of at least a full day and do something you enjoy. Get some exercise and some fresh air if you can.

2) Mentally prepare yourself for the grind ahead. A lot of the jobs you are applying to are already filled by the time you get there or the job has been pulled due to economic slowdown but the company is still interviewing because they are disorganized.

3) Try and make a list of the reasons why you are pursuing this job and this career specifically. Clarity around why you are choosing to take on potentially hundred of these gruelling interviews can help you keep your eye on the prize.

4) Be conciously grateful for your blessings. Some people never make tech lead but want it, you seem to have accomplished it early and have acquired a ton of valuable experience. There are others in far worse circumstances. Take heart, although this situation is very tough, because you have a set of problems that many would love to have.

Hope this helps you in some way. May God bless you.


👤 dbert37
Interviewing is "selling" yourself. Do you have a portfolio of some kind that you are actually showing during the process? Are you asking for feedback from the organization interviewing you? Following up til you get a "no" is also important. If they say anything besides no, you need to keep following up.

👤 j45
It's really hard when there isn't much feedback provided.

Tech interviewing sucks because it asks you to present linear in the interview to measure alignment but the work is anything but linear most of the time.

The phrase be so good no one can ignore you comes to mind for me, but that isn't the only or best way. There is a book by that name that might help you find things about you that you undervalue but are very unique and valuable compared to the rest.

I try to think about it in terms of "how many other candidates that you are speaking with have done x?"

While searching, spend as much time learning and building something not just with emerging tech but maybe some things you see int he job posts. Level up. Setup a Youtube channel with a daily video journal of what you're learning and keep it in line with a daily slide deck. Embed both in the resume as a link so any technical person seeing it can get to meet you and see how you communicate well before they start interviewing.

Ask for feedback on what you could add to your skillset or present differently on from each interview. Maintaining that kind of relationship will help them keep you in mind and hopefully you get some meaningful input.

Attend a lot of meetups and local groups for tech, software, or whatever in your area. You will meet employees and the more you can show and tell there as a beginner and as you get to know them they will naturally invite you to things you might be a good fit for without asking. The route of an invitation is much better than applying online.

Applicant tracking systems are pretty poor filters, and then HR also is a poor filter because they are illiterate in tech for the most part and play keyword bingo. It's true you can get in front of someone technical and work through that process, but having a warm intro and learning about the company by dropping by to meet someone for lunch, and then learning about it can go a very long way when something becomes available, or a new initiative is in place.

If you do find any of the above helpful or useful, happy to chat as peers via email (anyone). Finding and securing your next opportunity to improve your life shouldn't be this hard.


👤 durnygbur
Having similar professional experience I'm thoroughly interrogated by people much junior. They're looking for lies, for fraud, for incompetence, for inconsistencies. Once a week or so I just drop CV compiled for the specific opening. My motivation to answer to their sorting-tree-hashmap-angular-state-management teasing is below zero. I'd been hired and I know how it feels like to be hired, if they are into butt sniffing I disconnect. I'm haven't been working for over one year now and I don't care.

👤 dudul
To me it doesn't sound normal. Yes there are layoffs, but I feel like the market (at least in the US) is still hot, especially for good senior people. If you truly went through 40 interviews without ever making it to an offer I'm sorry but there is a problem somewhere with you.

At what stage of the process do you usually get rejected/ghosted? 40 seems like enough data points to try to detect a pattern. There is something you're doing wrong, but you can learn what it is and improve.


👤 erehweb
Where do you think you are falling down in the interviews? Is it technical Qs? Behavioral? You might try post interview analysis with a friend or professional.

👤 d11z
I’ve been trying for abour 5 years now, longer even; and I’ve too given up. I work for myself now, because I have no choice, no voice, no house.

👤 snarkypixel
I wanted to make an app to make job searching easier. It's a pain in the ass on both side and imo current tools on the market suck.

👤 purpleblue
Which part of the world are you located?

When you say 40 interviews, do you mean 40 separate companies?

You probably need to get your interview behavior evaluated by a friend or someone else. Either your technical chops are not good, or you're giving off the wrong vibe. Maybe get rid of Technical Lead off your resume and shoot for a lower-level position, and see how you do.


👤 uptownfunk
Do mock interviews and get feedback.

Look at good interviewers and take tips.

It never hurts to: Be right. Be humble. Be polite. Be practiced. Be introspective. Be experienced.

Ultimately you’re meant to go where you’re meant to go. You need one job. There’s a huge dearth of talent.

Rejections can be exhausting, take time to find an outlet for the stress and anxiety - strong exercise is a good one.


👤 ericfrazier
There's a blue tent waiting on the corner for me to live in if I quit job searching. That's my motivation.

👤 Minor49er
I wouldn't get discouraged since most people don't even make it to that stage, and being exhausted is certainly understandable after 40 interviews. But have you analyzed or asked for feedback on what it is that was missing from the interview step that the employer was looking for?

👤 jesuscript
The point where you about to give up is the point where you are about to make it.

👤 ravenstine
At this point, I would start asking employers for feedback after interviews. Most may not tell you the whole truth, but some might, and that could be valuable information.

👤 drivebycmmnt
At this point in your career if you are good at the people side of things you should have former cow-orkers who want you leading a team.

👤 shadowdevvv
honestly its such a grind with leetcode and system design these days. Just dedicate a certain amount of time everyday towards interview prepping.

btw if you need help grinding leetcode, ive created spacedleets.com which helps practice leetcode with spaced reptition. (its free)


👤 dev_0
Hiring freeze in tech now....and more people are trying to find new jobs

👤 sjducb
If you're a former tech lead with 10 years of experience, and struggling to get a job then you're doing something wrong.

Have a friend / former colleague who knows you and the industry. Get them to look at your CV and do a mock interview. Then listen to their advice.

You are probably making a basic mistake like badmouthing former employers / being bad at leetcode / not having good reasons for gaps / unreasonable requirements ...

Increasing resilliance will just make you keep failing. You need to fix the problem that has caused you to fail 40 interviews despite 10 years of experience.