But I essentially had no internet access, then I got the internet and came competitive gaming, seeking public reward came to be the norm for me, yahoo answers, then youtube, then multiple tabs in chrome... now i can't even watch videos longer than 2 minutes, i cant read comments longer than 2 sentences, i actually hate talking in full sentences.. instead just feel inclined to use acronyms: lol, wdu?, sus, ngl, g, cap, gl... I find myself trying to come up with funny comments for reddit all day (sad actually), obsessively updating news sites for no reason...I have 80+ tabs open any time, (all todo readings)
I struggle to code for day job.
Obviously social media is a big culprit, my question is something wrong with me in addition to that? I still can focus on things that I've innate interest in (got fascinated with video editing and taught myself after effects after obsessively learning from all resources)
I found writing physically on a notebook kinda helped me, also going on long drives 4+ hours and reading a book (one time i knew i was gonna go so found a book i could read and didn't wanna use mobile data, ended up reading half the book and came back home and read the rest... huge accomplishment for me to read the whole book)
on good sleep days im better
now that i think about it i always had this side to me, rewards didn't motivate me, punishment didn't matter. good grades, more money, reputation... led to some temporary motivation, only thing that motivated me was if it was intellectually interesting if not i knew i should do it but just couldn't bring inner me to accept the compromise.
so what do you do, or i should do?
I understand none of the comments are medical advice
There are stimulants (amphetamine) and non-stimulant medications, which your doctor can go into detail to decide which is right for you. It's also possible you may need to try a few different meds before something "clicks", so don't be surprised if you're taking Adderall one week and Vyvanse the next. You'll likely start with low dosage like 5mg, and work your way up to 30mg as needed (which usually means taking more pills until your next script ups the dose).
If you don't have insurance, expect to pay $200-400 for your first 90-minute session (1st session runs long), and anywhere from $20-100 for the prescriptions (generics can be pretty cheap). Should also expect to have a session at least once a month to every six weeks otherwise the doctor may not renew scripts. Some are fine with sessions every other month, but they need to have regular check-ups to cover their butts since they're dealing with controlled substances.
ADHD has high comorbidity, such as with depression and bi-polar disorder, so the psychiatrist may expect a more holistic approach including working with a therapist, but it's usually "optional". Your psychiatrist and therapist can also discuss your situation directly to improve your treatment plan.
In my personal life, when I’ve had friends mention that they think they might have ADHD, I have always been very adamant that the very best thing they could do for themselves is to schedule an appointment with their doctor and ask for an assessment.
For me, the assessment was very simple— I was given a self-reporting questionnaire of 20 or so questions and told to monitor my symptoms and be mindful of what I was doing during the next week, and bring it back in at the end of the week for my Doctor to have a look at my answers / questionnaire. I did that, and my Doctor agreed that my symptoms were strongly correlated with ADHD, and gave me a two week supply / trial prescription of Vyvanse 20mg.
The first time I took my ADHD medication, it was like a light switch was flipped on in my brain. I was immediately so much more productive, less lazy, more capable, more focused, etc. After I finished the trial I scheduled another appointment and told my Doctor how I felt about it, which was that I felt it provided me a great positive effect. It was at that point that I was then “officially” diagnosed with ADHD, and six years (and a few dosage / medication changes) later, here we are.
Personal anecdotes aside, I highly recommend that you take the time to simply schedule an appointment with your Doctor as soon as you can. Once you have the appointment, the first step is complete and the process is more or less on autopilot from there (provided you show up to your appointment, that is).
If you’d like something quantifiable to help you determine whether or not you’re likely to have ADHD, you can take the questionnaire I took and see how you score [0]. I am Canadian, but I have an American friend who told me he filled out the exact same questionnaire when he was being assessed for ADHD as well, so I believe it may be standardized to some extent, at least for Canadians and Americans.
[0]: https://www.hcp.med.harvard.edu/ncs/ftpdir/adhd/18Q_ASRS_Eng...
In my very humble opinion, the diagnostic category of ADHD isn’t particularly helpful, it’s too broad, one person with ADHD looks completely different from another. Additionally it’s very easy to identify and over-identify with diagnosis to the detriment of your personal potential. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy and all to common trap.
As other have said, you can go see a psychiatrist and they’ll evaluate you and maybe you end up with stimulant meds. Attentional issues are not just due to ADHD, they can be part of anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.
If you do get an ADHD diagnosis, The meds help some people (actually they make everyone focus, i.e. why they gave them to fighter pilots). They also suck for other people.
What I believe will be helpful is learning how to live your life with your unique mind. If you can find a therapist who practices mindfulness-based interventions, (ACT, MBCT, DBT) it could be incredibly beneficial. Good luck on your journey!
Please consider consulting with a specialist.
By definition then, focus/attention is available to you.
What you wrote overlaps a lot with the description of someone who has a lot of stake in their personal values. Not everyone does, but it's OK if you do! It can be a great inner compass.
I would define and rank every like/dislike or interest/disinterest you can, ASAP and quite often, so you can start being more focused.
I would also allow for shifts in interests on intraday time scales. Like look, you were interested in coding 30 minutes ago, but right now not so much? Fine, go back and rerank your interests. Find the thing for the next 30.
Surf the waves like that.
Bigger/longer waves will emerge over time. The bigger waves will be high-focus, career-defining areas. More energy will be more available and it won't cost you as much energy.
If that doesn't work for you, then yes, I'd look at medical stuff.
But this isn't medical advice.
Solving that same problem 33 more times for different clients... no fun.
(Sound familiar?)
But do think hard about that route. Included in your treatment isn't a pathway to getting off them one day, so you'll be taking these forever basically. They have a high potential for abuse/addiction, especially as they can become less effective over time, just like caffeine. They're illegal in many countries (eg Japan), so you'll have to stop taking them for a bit if you travel there. There's also side-effects, like heart palpitations, anxiety, increase risk of heart attack/stroke.
That's not to say you shouldn't take them. Personally I have been diagnosed with ADHD and do take stimulants (though I work hard to keep the dosage very low).
However I'd like to point out that there are many lifestyle changes you can and should make before you leap immediately to a ADHD diagnosis.
- Sleep. Get enough, but don't get too much. 8 hours. Get up at the same time every single day.
- Eat well. A healthy diet has an enormous impact on the brain.
- Exercise. You don't need a six pack, just go for a run in the morning or do weights a few times a week.
- Look into dopamine detoxing. Smartphones are toxic!
- Write down a list of tasks at the start of a work day and tick them off. Trust me, it helps.
- Consistent schedules. Eg if you work remotely, stick to 9am-5pm. Schedule lunch time at 12pm-1pm. Of course different times might suit you better, as long as it's consistent.
If you have bad habits, stimulants are just a bandaid. In fact, they can lead to much worse habits, because suddenly you can sleep less, swallow a bunch of dexamphetamine and code for 12 hours. Of course you'll probably have a heart attack when you're 30....
One additional thing I'd say is consider talking to a therapist, not a psychiatrist. Maybe you have issues with depression, which can lead to a general lack of motivation. But either way a therapist can give you great strategies to help overcome your issues without having to resort to medication.
And finally, if you do end up taking stimulants, you should still be doing all the above! Sleep well, eat well, exercise, etc. There's a reason these are cliches!
Good luck
We can't answer the question in the title for you, because that would be a diagnosis, which we are either unqualified to make, or would only be able to do so in an explicit professional setting.
We can - or I can (hopefully) - help you get a better handle on the surrounding context of ADHD.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is one of the most unhelpful acronyms I have ever seen.
- For those with ADHD, hyperactivity is an emergent effect of the more fundamental symptoms, and many with ADHD present with hyperactivity inconsistently or not at all.
- Attention Deficit isn't even a symptom. It's just what most of the base symptoms look like to an outside observer.
We should really start calling it EFDD: Executive Functioning Dysfunction Disorder.
- ADHD's primary symptom is Executive Dysfunction. We have plenty of attention, but can't choose where it goes. We can listen intently only to have our focus unintentionally moved elsewhere. We have a very difficult time starting or switching tasks, which makes us appear lazy, uninterested, and distracted.
- The next major symptom is a deficit in working memory. We struggle to hold more than a handful of data points - or even 2 or 3 - in memory without writing and referencing them externally. This compounds on the executive dysfunction, because we often can't remember all of the parts of a conversation that we did listen to. It also means we have an easier time focusing on subjects that we have built contextual long-term memory around.
The executive dysfunction part is because we don't feel enough dopamine.
- Specifically, we have too many transporter proteins at the "synaptic cleft" that are responsible for "reuptake", which is how dopamine gets put back in the neurotransmitter to be used again later. Because reuptake happens too quickly, we don't feel the effects of dopamine long enough to utilize them effectively.
- Not enough dopamine leaves us "understimulated". It's hard to get up and do something, because we don't feel ready.
- Our brains are constantly trying to find easier sources of dopamine, like novel hacker news arguments, or that annoying ticking sound from down the hall that no one else noticed or cares about.
Getting diagnosed and starting medication and therapy is the most meaningful thing I have ever done for my mental health.
It was incredibly difficult, too, because I had to find affordable insurance that would cover therapy, find a therapist that accepts that insurance, set an appointment with them, wait about a month for the earliest appointment I could schedule, set another appointment with a psychiatrist that could prescribe me medication, etc. etc. all on my own, all while struggling with the very disorder I was seeking help to manage. It fucking sucked, but it was absolutely worth it.