How to Handle Help Vampires?

I like to ask people what they've tried so far so I can understand their thought process - but also to give them a hint that I expect them to use brain a little bit.

With every client I've ever worked with I always have a wiki page with common Q&A, some "required reading" and links to other wikis / docs.

If people do the incredibly annoying thing of starting conversations with "Hi" or "Hey Sam, how's it going?" Or even worse "Hey, can I ask a quick question?" I politely share this site https://nohello.net if I feel it likely won't be taken with (much) offence.

If they always send you a DM/PM rather than asking in a shared room I ask them to please start a thread in the room so that others can learn and the help can be load balanced, I often link people to this article: http://blog.flowdock.com/2014/04/30/beware-of-private-conver...

If none of this helps and they really are just being lazy - I all have a direct conversation with them and be pretty frank that the value people add to a team / company is the effort and how they go about problem solving - if they're just acting as a middle-person passing questions and answers around it becomes and highly inefficient system.

Not thinking before asking someone else for the answer is a learned behaviour. It can be learned from being out of your depth, low confidence often combined with a lack of context, laziness or general incompetence. Most people aren't generally incompetent but have become comfortable with their learned behaviour.

Assuming it's about https://allaboutberlin.com/tools/tax-calculator you can have a few canned answers like

> I can help you to use my tax calculator estimator, but for more complicated task you probably have to ask a tax advisor. For example, there is a list in [link]

Also, don't answer instantly. Apply exponential backoff. Just delay the answer a few days even if it's trivial. (Gmail has a delayed sending option :) , but I never used it yet.)

Another trick is to just repeat the same polite answer, like

> Sorry, I can help you to use my tax calculator estimator, but for more complicated task you probably have to ask a tax advisor. For example, there is a list in [link]

here in Argentina we call it the "broken record" (disco rayado). It's useful with small kids, because otherwise you are tempted to loose a lot of time making a new "better" explanation each time the kid repeat the question.

Groom them into knowing http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html . Help them build a basic mental model of the discipline. Teach them how to google but have them send you the thing they want to do before they implement it. Explain why it will or won't work. After they got good at it task them to send questions about the answer they consider implementing in addition. Give them answers on the questions and rate the questions. Build their confidence in trusting their own reason. The make them research the answer to some questions they raised with you about an answer to another question. Give them time to figure out the answers themselves and get them out of the critical chain of business processes while they learn and complete their mental model. If they are unable to adopt or improve see whether them switching employment, ignoring them and ot you switching employment is possible.

>How do I deal with these people?

You don't. Tell them that you're not going to offer support until they can provide you with / talk to you in a way that respects your time. Sounds harsh but is reasonable because you're time is valuable, they're hopefully going to learn to acknowledge that, and it gives you more time to help people who can be helped effectively.

Julia Evans has a really great strategy for helping folks learn how to find answers themselves by writing (but not necessarily posting) an email or forum post:

https://twitter.com/b0rk/status/1546875361002135554/photo/1

This not only helps you, it helps them too. In fact, many Github repos force you to fill out a template when you try to open a new issue.

I can't tell you how many times I've found my answer in the middle of writing an email or forum post (which I never end up posting). The act of writing helps me clarify my thoughts, and maybe it can help others do that too!

(also, it's a life skill that applies to more than just finding answers to technical questions. When I'm stuck on a life issue, I start writing and recalling what I've tried, what worked, what didn't.)

The verbal version of this is called Rubber Duck Debugging, but I find that doesn't work as well for me since I'm not a verbal person.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging

I keep a snippet for that.. (something like) “if you would be so kind as to provide some details? What are you trying to accomplish? What have you tried? What problems have you encountered? Help me help you.“

ITT we have OP complaining that people don't say hi, and another poster complaining that they do say hi. On cultural internet norms, y'all are going to have to accept that there's a wide range of opinions.

"Thanks for the message Here's some things to try: Here's some FAQs: If that doesn't answer your question please try to be more specific and state what you've tried and I'll try to review it. Due to the high volume of requests I can't guarantee I'll get back to it. Thanks for understanding. You can also ask in our community forum: "

I would add a notice on the contact section of your website saying "if your email is not written in a proper manner, you are unlikely to receive a response from me" and then list a few examples of emails of the kind you describe that you've received. Then just don't reply.

Kindness, regardless of who “these people” might be. Patience and generosity — thank you for asking, what a great question, I wish could have thought of asking those questions. Yesterday, by the time I had looked up in the manual, the technician had figured it out — they then told me they appreciated the support even though I didn’t provide a solution.

If support is sucking your time and energy, you need to stop. Maybe hand support off to someone else.

Ignore or send them Stack Overflow's guidelines for how to ask a good question.

e.g., "I can help you if you provide [this]"

https://stackoverflow.com/help/how-to-ask

Some people ask for help in a low-effort way: (1) out of sheer laziness, while others (2) just don't know better yet. The SO doc is pretty good for (2).

Are Help Vampires related to Attention Vampires? Those folks who message you in chat, “Hi”.

I always wonder how many people they ‘Hi’ at once.

Oh its my time to shine.

I lose my shit on these people if it becomes a too common of occurence. I straight up tell them to google xyz, try xyz. No spoonfeeding. It creates some drama sometimes but hey it moves things forward and really teaches them to fish on their own.

Louis Rossmann did a great video on this.

https://youtu.be/Rufif247scI

You're asking how to tell them to fuck off.

The answer is that you tell them to fuck off.

Put a dollar amount on the help. More potent than garlic.