After a couple of relapses, today I can say that I feel way better than before. I have a decent work-life balance, I don't get stressed, I don't have anxiety, I don't have social anxiety, I do exercise, I basically don't care much about stuff. I'm really stable mentally, which to me is a big accomplishment, and have been consistently feeling like this for some months.
I'm usually alone (live alone and work on my own stuff, basically), but from time to time I meet 1 person for lunch (e.g., a colleague from work). I do this, say, once a week or so.
So, now I feel like I have a decent quality of life and good mental stability, a big accomplishment, but at the same time, it's true that I'm suppressing my instinct of trying to date people. I'm purposely avoiding any dating situation, because I know that with very, very high probability, the answer is going to be no, and this might affect my beloved mental stability. While it's tempting to think: "it's a numbers game, it shouldn't affect you, you should try it", in one of the depression relapses I mentioned, what happened was precisely that I got lots of rejections in a row; enough rejections so that I don't take rejections personally anymore; a single rejection doesn't affect me, but what does affect me is having virtually always the same result: a rejection.
So, HNers who have been a similar situation, what would you do? Would you stick to my local minimum, or would you try to leave it by going back to the dating game? If so, any strategies for getting another relapse?
Assuming that you live in a Western society, people who tend to ask for things (even at the risk of getting rejected) tend to do better in life. Not only that, but repeatedly engaging in social interactions will boost your self-confidence which is super attractive to women (the other controllable facet being working out).
Also, watch this motivational talk:
John Acuff: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking (~1 hour video) https://mastersofcreativity.stanford.edu/archive/jon-acuff
The main point of it is creating more productive soundtracks (repetitive thoughts or habits) for your life:
1. Retire broken soundtracks
2. Replace them with new soundtracks
3. Repeat new ones until they become automatic
Criteria for determining which soundtracks are worth keeping:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it helpful?
3. Is it kind?
Good luck!
There's another way that's more organic. But you need to find a social group. One that has some women involved. Preferably based around something you actually enjoy. The idea is you build a friend group based on this topic of shared interest. Then you have friends that are girls, that perhaps will lead to meeting a girlfriend. That's about all I can offer because the exact how-to is a bit difficult, depends on what "thing" you choose, and ultimately will involve taking some risk.