It sucks too because i really just want to talk to my dad because he always knew how to help me and what to say, but he passed three or four years ago so i feel very Alone.
I know it’s better to just move forward, should i block her on everything and just really quit social media? Should i just start grinding code and learning more? It’s sucks because i was trying to build for my portfolio to find and internship for next summer but i keep getting hit with hardships this summer that are making it hard for me to motivate myself. I guess if there’s anyone out there that read this and been in similar shoes, what is my best course of action
Find ways to stay distracted. How you make it through these times is what will build you stronger mentally and physically. Maybe do some traveling, take up a hobby. For example, a lot of people that take up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or a martial art say it changed their life positively mentally and physically via losing a ton of weight. Me personally, I'd take this time to go off the grid a bit, go hiking, camping of some sort and clear out my mind.
Also ignore social media at least for a while because it never makes one feel better.
Good luck.
You are suffering from a loss and you are heartbroken. My advice is to allow yourself to cry. Try to cry as often as possible. Doing so will help you heal. As the days go by, you will cry a little less each day. Eventually, there will be days where you don't cry and you will start to feel better. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will feel better. Hang in there.
- make a list of things you're interested in
- find groups that are also interested in it.
- make a list of things you really wanted to do but didn't because of her.
- look up old friends
- maybe find some other people that want to build a portfolio project with you.
- and/or block off some time to work on your project.
- download a dating app/website
2) See a therapist.
After the last one of those ended in my mid-30s, I dated around a bit again but being more experienced, more mature and knowing myself better, it was pretty easy to tell in the first couple of dates whether the relationship had any real potential. None did and I'd break them off nicely but quickly. I sort of got fed up with repeating what started feeling like a cycle. Pleasant enough but ultimately treading water.
After reflecting on things, in a moment that felt like remarkable clarity, I decided I'd rather spend the rest of my life "alone" rather than another minute dating women where I felt I was compromising. By "alone" I meant "without an ongoing romantic partner" and instead spending time socially with my friends, family, coworkers, etc. I just felt like it would be more true to myself if I spent the time and energy I'd been putting into the search for the "special someone" into myself instead. So... I just stopped looking. There wasn't much externally observable change but internally I felt a lot different. I put more time into myself, my hobbies, career, friends and focused on my life priorities, which no longer included a gaping desire for that "someone".
The next couple years were remarkably productive. Good things happened. I made a lot of progress toward things that mattered to me and I felt 'satisfied' in a way I hadn't before. I liked who I was becoming and didn't feel like I needed someone else. My attitude was: if a relationship happened, that would be fine but I no longer feared that it wouldn't happen. Instead, I kind of expected it not to happen, because I wasn't doing anything in that direction, and I was perfectly okay with that.
So I was getting close to 40 when I finally met someone who was different. She realized I was different too. Technically, according to my friends, she was "way out of my league", over a decade younger than I but I never really thought about that because I had no pressing need to make anything work. I was happy to spend time with her but also remained focused on my journey. She was focused on herself too and wasn't looking for... anything really.
And it worked out. After having assured each other that neither of us wanted to ever get married to anyone, we moved in together as romantic partners "for as long as it lasts, which shouldn't be a minute longer than it should". We're still together today, our kid is in middle school and doing great. We did get married along the way but more as just a formality than to 'keep' one another. My wife says what made me different was that I didn't need her. She says she was attracted by my 'calm confidence' which she felt was rooted my being being "a whole person, instead of a person with a hole they're trying to fill".
I think my earlier romantic relationships didn't work out because I wasn't the right person yet. First, I needed to become a whole person on my own terms. Other people and relationships may be different but for me it really was that internal shift in perspective that enabled breaking out of the cycle I was in and growing to my personal 'next level'.