I'm disabled and out of money. Now what?

I'm not sure what the cause of your chronic pain is, but I would highly recommend reading John Sarno's "The Mindbody Prescription." I've dealt with chronic pain for years and it's the only thing that's had any effect. Please, please, don't write it off until you've read the book. Note that Sarno's work focuses on back pain, but it applies to all types of chronic pain (including migraines, which he discusses in the book).

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jQtmSZetJM

- https://aaroniba.net/how-i-cured-my-rsi-pain

- https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/09/well/mind/john-sarno-chro...

- https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/well/chronic-pain.h...

Do 1 task a day, no matter how small it is, do it consistently for a week or two. Then every other day you do 2 tasks for a month, and you start working up to a point where you feel you do what you can within your limits and get joy from that 1 (or 2) items you can scrap off.

If you live with family focus your tasks maybe on easing their life, pull out 10 weeds out of the garden, take out the trash, fix a squeaking door. Small but attainable things.

Chronical pain is a mess, it's relentless and it's always there, it doesn't go away, but you learn to deal with it. Focus on the pain initially, learn what pain you have and focus on it. I learned to focus on it and make a mental note (do not know how else to say) that it's not worth paying attention to, and I get by without medication. It's not always easy and there are days where you want to cry and cry and just fall asleep so you do not have to feel it. It's normal and accept that not all days will be the same and successful.

It's a tough hill you are up against, but all shall pass and all will be well in the end. It's unbelievable sometimes, but all shall pass. Remember that.

Good luck, don't falter, reaching out is the first step!

I was in a similar situation, minus the physical disability (I was mentally in a really bad place though). The only advise I have is to not think of any job as below you. I don't know your exact situation or your disabilities, but if you can deliver pizzas to at least keep your head above the water, do that. Having gone through YC you're obviously also a bright and intelligent person, how many different companies have you tried consulting for? Some companies could be more understanding than others of your situation, in which cases making 1500 a month shouldn't be a huge problem in this industry. Sorry you're going through this friend..

Do you have any particular IC skillset? E.g., software development, QA, UX. Would you be willing to learn a new stack if you had to?

No promises but, if so (and assuming you don't get plenty of better suggestions and offers here), drop me an email: bart PERIOD read THEALIKECHARACTERTHATISNTANAMPERSAND savanta DECIMAL POINT com.

I'm the CTO so have a meaningful level of influence but can also tell you that what's most likely to scupper us working with you, apart from a skillset mismatch, will be some BS about creating IP and taxation within a US state (or some other legal nonsense that makes it hard or impossible to work with you even though we are incorporated in the US).

I'm sorry I can't be more directly encouraging but do reach out if you're interested and I'll see if I can help.

EDIT: One other thing that might be useful to us, doable part time, and would I think sidestep any issues around IP creation. How are your management skills? And might you be willing to work slightly odd hours? E.g., afternoons, to cross over with the UK (obviously depends where you are in the US).

Not to derail this thread or to sound like I am criticizing OP, but everyone should take this post as a reminder to look into having a disability insurance policy. Your megacorp may offer a policy, but look into getting your own guaranteed renewable non-cancelable policy, as it provides greater protection. The Bogleheads wiki has a good page describing what is important to obtain in such a policy.

I’m sorry you live in one of the worst countries in the world to be disabled in. While this can be challenging everywhere, the US is especially bad at providing adequate support, both financially and otherwise.

What might help you is looking for a job with part time responsibilities and part time wages and investing full-time into that job if you need to to keep up. If this is viable for a tech role you’re likely to easily afford your fairly modest lifestyle living with family. I know this sounds a bit depressing as you’re essentially taking on a full-time schedule for part-time pay but it’s better than not having a job at all. Other options include looking at work where pain isn’t likely to substantially impair your performance so that you’d be able to get things done. This may involve drastic pay cuts as well, but again while you’re living with family and have a modest lifestyle even a drastic pay cut from peak of the tech market can lead to affording what you need.

As far as therapists go, I’d be considering reevaluating the ones I’ve talked to if you talked with them about your dwindling financial resources and none of them attempted to find an adequate solution or tried to help you get back on track. If you haven’t mentioned it at all you may want to consider doing so if they might have useful advice.

If all else fails, cut costs aggressively. The lack of freedom from not having your own car sucks but it’s better than being bankrupt or cutting needed therapy (if a family member can drive you there). If cutting a car is absolutely impossible for your life then it seems essential to figure out what work you can manage to handle and seek employment in that quickly.

Debt: Can you sell the car? Now is a great time to sell. If it's a lease, you could post it on leasetrader.com (or similar)... again, it's a great time to get out of a lease. It's nice to have a car, but it seems like getting out of that would be a healthy financial decision. Remote jobs are a plenty, and you live with family, so you can tag along with them when you need to get groceries until you've got a job and can afford a car again.

If you live within a couple miles of a cafe, then you can walk there and back everyday to get out of the cabin fever feeling, get some exercise, and change up your scenery for a boost in energy. I know a couple miles sounds like a lot, but you have to recalibrate your thinking to your current needs. When I didn't have a car, I used to walk 4 miles/day. Then I got a bike, no car payment or insurance. Then I got a car. Find your path back to what makes you happy. Chances are, that doesn't require a car.

Depression: It sounds like you've gone down the clinical route, so there's no need to cover that. From there, I'm not sure what your aspirations were in the startup world, but you might have to be honest with yourself about what is realistic and where your skills are now. Again, recalibrate your thinking and take it one step at a time. Your immediate task, besides your health, is to get a job that you can do.

Again, remote jobs are a plenty. What are your skills? Keep applying, keep working, eventually you'll find a remote job were the expectations are low and you can keep up. If we knew what your skills are, maybe there's even someone here who needs a part time person with those skills. Avoid startups and consulting, those are going to be high demand and that's not right for you right now. You've got this.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I'm going to mostly share info about public benefits in case it's helpful, just because that's what I know (and I don't have as much knowledge about some of your other questions.)

What state are you in? I know you mentioned SSDI, but just to relieve some of the stress of getting by, you should try to apply for as many public benefits as you might be eligible for (SNAP/food assistance, Medicaid [medical care], affordable connectivity program [internet], Lifeline [phone.]) With little or no income, you should get some decent support from these programs.

For getting disability support (SSDI, or SSI), you might consider getting a lawyer. You're right it can take a long time to get this, but odds go up if you have a lawyer helping you. You can also contact your local legal aid which you may qualify for based on income.

In terms of jobs I'll do some thinking and see if I can post more. Are there any activities that you can definitely do without getting stuck due to your disability? There are definitely options for flexible computer work, and also things that are more phone-oriented.

Hey there! I was in a similar boat. This might not be a popular solution but what got me, "out of the poverty trap" was going back to school. I have high ACT scores so I can get all my housing, meals, transport, paid for by grants and scholarships and what's left over I can always manage with student loans. I keep a part-time (Wednesday and Thursday) job so I have modest disposable income. I'm still in the thick of it; I won't receive full financial aid until the fall so family's helping out.

Don't lose hope! There are workable solutions to social problems.

Can you write code? Plenty of places will hire part time, let you work from home, etc. Don’t look for big companies, look for small and mid sized private businesses. As an aside, I think this is an important reason to develop and maintain a social/professional network that you can lean on in times like this. I’m sure I have friends that would give me a chance at work under these circumstances. Maybe you have some of those from years past that you could reach out to? You may be surprised who is willing to help.

Radical idea: try a long meditation retreat. Some of them are free or by donation (e.g dhamma.org, a little cult-like but I think well-intentioned). It also forces a rigorous routine on you for a short while, which can help a lot with the aimless feeling. The challenge of getting through the full ten days gives you some purpose.

It helped a lot with my depression, and some people have found serious benefits with chronic pain. It seems to help people disconnect from the physical pain and not have it affect other aspects of their life as much.

If that doesn’t appeal to you, look for other changes that can enforce some routine in your life. Taking in-person classes at a college, joining a yoga class, meeting a friend for coffee every morning, volunteering at a shelter, cooking breakfast for your family every day… something that turns your focus towards others a little can be helpful.

Your story is sadly not unique: being broke and unemployed is awful, and there are millions in the same situation. You are not alone! Firstly, this post you made right here and now may be the turning point, at least your story is known by others and maybe the right person will read it. Secondly, although it may sound a bit trite, perhaps now is the time of your life to really decide what matters the most to you, and focus just on that. Whatever it is that you really love, try to make it your primary thing. And the better you get at it, the more likely there is someone out there who needs your help. It is a big world and no matter what your skills are, there is someone who can benefit from them if you are an expert. Keep putting your name out there and make sure people hear from you. It sounds as if your mind is still working just fine, and it is your greatest resource, and can be a source of wealth to come!

It sounds like the root cause of all your problems is this chronic pain, and you need to focus all your efforts on solving it first. One option is to sign up for clinical trials at various chronic pain research centers around the country. Stanford is one of them, there are plenty others, hopefully near where you live.

https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-clinics/pain-manageme...

https://med.stanford.edu/pain.html

https://med.stanford.edu/pain/about/chronic-pain.html

Some years ago I developed chronic lower back pain from poor sitting posture. It was partially debilitating - not to the level yours is, but it significantly negatively impacted my ability to stay active and thus healthy and thus able to maintain peak performance at work. But I joined a Stanford clinical trial on lower back pain, and it cured me permanently, and they even paid me a small stipend for it! So I think it’s worth a try if you can swing it.

Playing Video Games, Smoking Weed, Jerkin Off, etc isn't going to get your life on track.

I'm a traveling controls engineer, systems integrator, it is not a easy life. I've had plenty of burnout moments, those 100hr weeks where you worked everyday just getting the job done. As that is what needs to happen when a scheduled shutdown of a facility that pulls in over a million dollars a day is non operational. Falling behind is not an option. Luckily for me I've had pretty good luck for the most part and have always been on top of things.

But issues do happen, like the electrician landing 120v to a analog card that the lead times for makes it unobtanium. And with that the old VFD's that relied on that card for a return speed reference. In those times using generic remote IO you had in your truck with a analog card can get things up and running, and make you look like a hero. But going without sleep to get it workin is not enjoyable. Anyone that knows AB Hardware and its shitty support of Modbus would know. Using a add-on you've never used, as you'd normally use a red lion in this use case.

My body aches all the time. and I always have a full work load. On top of three kids at home.

There is no excuse to being lazy. Even pain. Disability is min wage, it is a sad shitty life. My wife's mom is disabled, she has to live on what would be considered poverty wages. She doesn't do anything with her life, and she can't drive because of said disability.

Get to the Gym, get a job, get life back on track.

If you are done with programming, deliver pizza.

My best friend is a full stack web dev, but he too would rather not work as the idea of having day to day responsibilities is too much. He moved homes a year ago, and it still looks like he moved last week. Issue? he smokes pot non stop and gets by on minimal contract work while his wife bring in 80% of the income.

I'm working on a bootstrapped SaaS, I didn't plan on hiring developers because I just don't have the budget for it but I've been where you're at. I'm disabled and severely ill, with not much to look forward to in the future, thankfully I'm still employed and have enough to survive.

If you can program elixir and you can settle for a below-market rate I can give you a few billable hours and whatever schedule you can accommodate with your difficulties. It's not a long term solution but hopefully it could help patch the leak in your finances.

Hang in there. You have the courage and intelligence to write such a thoughtful and articulate message. There’s fight left in you yet. Reach out to me directly, and I’m happy to just talk. You can find me online as I’m a member of the Sort Benchmark committee. We as a community are here for you.

I went through a very similar thing with ME/CFS and hEDS (which has a chronic pain component). Before I even knew what was I knew that I was on the decline. I was doing ok at work but my ability to maintain a working pace kept diminishing. I went from full time to part time to less than part time to the occasional contracting. I ended up having to do a bit of a Hail Mary to try to save myself. I took a bunch of stimulants for three months and made some software that I was able to sell for enough money to keep afloat. It was niche software that was obviously going to make money but it was a lot of unpleasant work. I likened it toilet scrubbing work. I knew if it didn't work I'd run out of money and without family support my backup plan was to take a long walk off a short pier. Since then I've been able to find out the underlying problem, no thanks to doctors who were all less than helpful, and now treat it fairly successfully with a variety of meds.

I guess my advice would be, do whatever is needed to make money, no matter how unpleasant, so that you can survive long enough to figure out what is wrong and get treatment. And don't rely on doctors for treatment.

I heard good things about Viktor Frankl's books, e.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning. He went through Auschwitz and learned (and then tought) how to deal with hardship.

People who are willing to work with you, who you can help, even in the context of your handicap, exist. Find them. Be honest about your handicaps.

> In 2018 I started having problems with chronic pain and gradually became less and less capable on the job

Tame the Beast — It's Time to Rethink Persistent Pain, Lorimer Moseley This 5 minute animation explains how pain works, how our nervous system can learn pain, and explains new approaches to help reduce an individual’s pain. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikUzvSph7Z4&vl=en]

Best Advice for People Taking Opioid Medication, Mike Evans This 11-minute video is great for both patients and clinicians. It explains what chronic pain is, what we know about the benefits and risks of opioid medications, and how to avoid the pitfalls that can be associated with opioid treatment. (11 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Na2m7lx-hU]

Understanding Pain: What to Do About It in Less Than Five Minutes? This easy to follow 5 minute video about chronic pain helps individuals understand what current research has been saying about chronic pain - that it’s not a joint or muscle problem, rather a 're-wiring' of the brain’s perception of itself. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_3phB93rvI]

Chronic Pain Self-Management Resources This document provides a list of recommended chronic pain self-management resources that might be useful for primary care practices and their patients. Materials listed include three provider workbooks/manuals, along with resources your clinic might consider suggesting to patients. [https://depts.washington.edu/fammed/sixbuildingblocks/wp-con...]

Have you considered technical writing? I don't have experience with chronic pain but if you can still comfortably play video games maybe you can also write articles?

I used to do this as a side gig and collected some resources and places that pay here [0]

I have since started a technical publishing company [1] so it's a full time focus and most of our writers work 20h/week or less. Feel free to apply if it sounds interesting.

[0] https://github.com/sixhobbits/technical-writing

[1] https://ritza.co

You have big problems. How do big problems get solved? The best approach is to take the big problems and break them up into smaller problems, divide and conquer. Get out a whiteboard and go over your problems logically, as if you were a different person looking at your life from the outside. The key problem in your case seems to be a lack of money. My best advice is to solve it and quickly by finding a job. You don’t have to find the perfect job, just find a job and then work on improving things step by step. It might not even be in tech, there are call center type jobs you can easily do from home. But my advice would be to find a coding job. Don’t try to completely switch fields right now, you’re not in a good place to do that, try sticking with what you already know and build up from there. Take a course in modern web development maybe and brush up that resume. Getting your life together is hard and it takes a lot of work. But luckily you have a lot of options. Try taking things step by step, day by day. It doesn’t need to be the perfect job, just a job that pays the bills. Once you have your basic needs met, then you can begin to focus on finding an even better job, learning more skills, becoming healthier. Ultimately, Rome wasn’t built in a day. The one thing you shouldn’t do is give up, even if things seem hopeless, it’s just because you haven’t found the right plan yet :)

Same, disabled. Luckily I paid into insurance and got disability coverage but even still it isn't enough to make ends meet in Los Angeles. I haven't found a solution. It sounds like you're doing better in some regards. I would say do what you can to improve your situation like the claim and what not as early as possible and say fuck you to the negative self talk that might be holding you back from getting help. Talk to some disability advocates or lawyers to help out as well.

Write. My career blew up early and I've clawed my way back, but can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes, but..

I read a Priceonomics article entitled "What it's Like to Fail" and it really moved me during a low point in my life. The subject of the article wrote over 100 episodes of the TV show Roseanne, and wound up living in a van. The article, and the book he wrote to earn money, put a lot of emphasis on writing jobs; gig jobs. He wrote, wrote, and wrote more and slowly pulled himself back up.

https://priceonomics.com/what-its-like-to-fail/

Also, when I volunteered with the homeless I found the mormons to be an incredible resource. Most people don't know this, but the Mormon church is VERY giving and expects nothing in return. If you live near a larger city, the church has stores of food and supplies, and produce food to give to those in need.

Call your local mormon church, talk to the Bishop or a Missionary, and they will be slap happy over the moon to help. At the very least they can help supply food and other necessities.

When it comes to SDDI, don't do it alone, hire a firm that specializes in disability claims. Expect to be denied at first and to need to appeal.

I want to present you with the Gate Theory of Pain [0].

Think of an area of your body as only being able to transmit one signal to your brain at a time, i.e., only one signal may pass through the gate. If you are experiencing chronic pain in an area, you can apply a different (non painful) stimulus to attempt to override the painful stimulus. To achieve this, many physicians recommend wearing and applying a TENS unit (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) to the areas you experience pain. It is around $30 on amazon. Cheap solution that is worth a try.

There is more to say on this topic, and I am happy to discuss further. I wish you all the best.

[0] https://www.physio-pedia.com/Gate_Control_Theory_of_Pain

Sorry to hear about your pain =/ That really sucks. I have had friends in similar situations and without friends and family to help, they're pretty stuck... the US is terrible at taking care of its people. That's not on you, our social safety net just sucks. Have you looked into local instead of federal (city/state/NGO) support systems? Some areas have better support than others.

I'm glad to hear you at least are able to play video games and lurk on the net... having SOME activities and socialization is better than nothing!

That said, in terms of income... if you can do computer stuff, have you considered doing some freelance work from Upwork or similar? It's not consistent, offers no benefits, doesn't pay that great... but it's better than having no work at all. And maybe that would let you build up more of a portfolio for other companies to see.

Maybe the tech sector proper is at a glut right now, but other sectors (manufacturing, retail, etc.) still need devs & people with tech skills, and presumably the big ones are better about ADA accommodations. Maybe those are worth looking into, whether you want to go into the office or find a job that can accomodate you working from home?

-----

Also, work aside... it sounds like at least you have time on your hands, and have some mobility. Do you have national parks or monuments near you? Can you get an America the Beautiful National Park Access Pass? https://www.nps.gov/subjects/accessibility/access-pass.htm For a one-time $10 lifetime cost, it lets you access all of our national parks (which often have good ADA accommodations and interpretive systems) and similar recreational sites... a great way to spend a day or two away from the computer. A lot of them offer volunteer or limited part time work opportunities too. You won't get rich out of any of them, but it's a good way to feel better about the world and yourself and meet cool people to boot.

I was in your situation. Degenerative Disc Disease in the neck gave me unbelievable headaches every single day for half a year.

Without knowing anything about your disease, I know this is a moonshot, but try the carnivore diet for one month, then progress to the keto diet.

There are COUNTLESS reports online from people with autoimmune diseases and chronic pains from inflammation that all report that just eating eggs and beef basically cured them. I have experienced it on my own body and have seen 6 of my friends transform to vastly healthier selves as well.

I know beef is expensive, but so are your medical bills. If nothing else has worked, this is worth a shot.

Lots of good advice already, but if I can make another one -- find a different type of company to work for/with. Not all companies are, can be, or need to be the go hard get big get out YC companies. I don't really like or work for those companies anymore. They chew people up and spit them out.

There's tons of small companies that have real products and that are profitable but are structured with much more realistic growth expectations and targets. I work for one that is largely homebound or disabled people. We work when we're able to, we don't stress much when we can't work, and we do good work.

Get rid of your car. If you aren't working then you don't need it. The cost of registration, gas, insurance, maintenance, and the payments are things that you don't need. Use public transportation or Uber/Lyft. Your costs will be far less than now. SSDI became much easier to get a little over 10 years ago. You should be approved if you are unable to work and need financial support. Have you tried pain management? I have some experience with chronic pain, but I am still working thanks to some really great pain management doctors.

I've never had a medical condition that took me out of the workforce. It's sad that you've been dealt a bad hand in life. It's got to be hugely frustrating. You seem to have (correctly in my opinion) concluded that given your current limitations, there is no point in you applying for jobs. Most people who have been out of work for a year never return to the workforce. The majority of them might enjoy a "retired" sort of lifestyle. However, since you describe your life as "absolutely soul sucking", I would recommend that you remedy that by, from 9AM-5PM Mon-Fri, take the following drastic steps: Turn off the TV, video games, and aimless web browsing. It sounds like you are still capable of making money with online "gig" work of some type. Given your medical condition, you may or may not be able to perform the type of work you would enjoy. You should ask yourself what sorts of endeavors you are "world class" at, and then see if there are online gigs that are suitable for you. People who are detail oriented can make money at a wide range of online jobs. You should try to find an online gig type of job that makes you excited to get up in the morning. You need to make money, but you also need a reason to get up in the morning. I realize that the advice I've offered will not be easy. Most people in your situation would prefer to simply relax and take it easy. The easiest thing in life is to do nothing.

I would solve money problem to not stress too much. Maybe try more social job/gig if you are burned by tech. Also to alievate stress I recommend trying "square breath" exercise. Reading less bullshit also helps to quiet mind.

I don't know what kind of pain you are experiencing but just as a litmus test I would try to go trough easier yoga positions to check out where your body has deficits and visit a good sport physioterapist. I also got very good set of exercises from personal trainer that unblocked full mobility in my body and mobily has a lot of downstream effects. One of my best money spent IMO, just after surgery that got rid of nasty medical condition (in gut). After this relaxing morning yoga wins and is free.

How does the pain stops you from working? Can't focus? Stressing too much? Can't move? I had kinda chronic pain(lighter one) pre surgery and only thing was that I was tired all the time and depressed but I could work kinda fine but my stress management was bad (as any stressor got amplified by pain).

From health perspective I would check spine > gut > fascia/tendons/joints/muscles in this order. You can also get common hormones/markers checked to see if everything is all right.

I can also recommend sauna, massage or floating for relaxation of musles and mind. Maybe some of these will help you.

There's not a lot more exhausting than chronic pain. I spend 6 months of the year not working because I need time for other parts of my life, otherwise all I do is work and rest. But after many years, I've found a good balance.

The best thing I found..

- Find out how much you can work. If it's even just 1 hour a day, you can still make a living.

- Make a list of people you don't want to lose contact with, you need to plan your visits and reaching out. Otherwise you'll end up alone, on your own. That makes everything harder.

- Find a job or business that can support async work. There's a lot more options these days than there were even 2 years ago. Startups, dodgy greyhat tech businesses, your own SaaS are all options. Find or create a niche. This is the hard one, but there's opportunity out there - you just need to find it. Blog posts on LinkedIn, Medium articles, get your name out there - this is a good start. Write about what you know, then write about what you're interested in. You're already on the front page of HN, so you're past the majority of people.

Right now you're out of money though so what you need right now is..

- To be able eat, keep shelter, and a source to support those things - in your case - internet and power.

Figure out those first. Because without them, you're screwed. Thankfully you're probably eligible for credit cards and all sorts of bad debt, obviously find the "best of the worst" option and go with that if you can't sell anything or loan from family.

I can't say I have been in a similar situation or that I am qualified to be giving specific advice. I'm glad you're seeking help from a trained professional. I will say this though:

Even though it may be hard to do so right now, try to focus on the things that are in your control at the moment. What was your skillset before your disability. Which of these skills do you still hold now?

Are there any disability inclusion legislations in your country you could take advantage of when looking for a job?

I'd even do some research. What is your long term goal? You said you were a founder in the past. Do you still want to do something similar to this? Try to see if there are founders that had similar situations to yours. You can even look into their lives and the road that they took before they got to where they currently are.

As for the short term things like being late on payments and bills, try to ask a friend or family member for help with your finances. They might be able to look at things more objectively and help you make cuts in certain areas until you get back up to where you may want to be.

This is all of course going to take a lot of work, and it's definitely going to have its challenges. This fight is not going to be easy but I assure you that it will be worthwhile. I wish you the very best.

Not to pry into OP's personal details, but I'd try some "moonshot" lifestyle changes if you haven't done so already, to see if anything helps fix your health issues. Keto diet is one everyone raves about, but it absolutely does have risks. (ex: one HN'er wrote about a relative going on keto and later having a triple bypass and chronic back inflammation, possibly due to way too many omega-6 fats)

Sorry to read this.

You don't mention the cause of your chronic pain, but I'm guessing it's probably related to startup stress & long hours of tense work in front of a computer screen i.e. RSI. I'll add my experience here in case it's useful.

I went through several years of severe, disabling RSI / chronic pain in my 20s, about 6 years ago.

Have written two blog articles about it.

http://edgecase.net/articles/an_overview_of_repetitive_strai...

http://edgecase.net/articles/further_recovery_from_rsi

Recovered from 1-2% working capability to 90% (with some ongoing costs e.g. visits to osteopath).

There's certainly a mental component (you can get stuck in an emotional loop), so I haven't ruled out Sarno, mental recalibration etc. But I will say that dealing with the pain via direct loosening treatments of knotted muscle is almost definitely the right first step.

Hope you find these articles useful, and good luck.

It seems like you've done a lot of the most reasonable easy stuff already (lowering expenses, etc.)

I would assume an IC job with a single employer is easier to manage than founder or side projects or multiple consulting clients. Probably something where physical presence is required might actually be better (given that the rest of your life sounds unfulfilling). Not sure how limiting the chronic pain is for this, but finding something where you are provided housing/office/etc. at some location to do whatever work might be a good thing for a while (i.e. the tech equivalent of a remote oilfield job). These exist, but not sure how best to search for them. Might be a chance to transition from backend web dev to embedded, too.

(I was depressed/broke after a big startup failed and the dotcom collapse and crazy ex-gf in the bay area back in 2002; I went to Iraq/Afghanistan/etc for ~a decade to do tech stuff to get away from it.)

Good luck! (Also there's presumably some YC resource? idk, haven't really kept up on YC internal stuff for a while.)

Could you volunteer any of your time to help an organization that does something that is important to you? If you can, I would recommend connecting to a non-profit or public benefit organization and seeing if they have needs that you can fill, even on a limited time basis. If possible, try and do this in-person, so that you can see the fruits of your work, and the witness the appreciation of those who receive it.

Volunteering to help others has several benefits; You will have a tangible and meaningful impact on others; You will see that your skills are useful, and you are capable of employing them; You will form real human connections with other people in a context different than the one you're currently experiencing.

Another outcome of helping other people is that you will form a network people who know about you and what you can do. It's possible to use that network to earn a modest living, doing side jobs and small contracts. This is not the end-game of volunteering, that is still the help you provide to others, but it's a nice side-effect anyways.

Since you are someone with technology skills, I can tell you that there are many non-profit organizations who need a little bit of tech help, or a lot of tech help, and cannot find someone to do the things they need for nothing, or a even a reasonable amount of money. Don't be afraid to work for free, the thanks you will get are more than worth it.

There's a talk by Sandie Metz that I've shared with a lot of people called "Madame Sandie tells your future"[0] and I would give that a watch, it's quite inspirational and may help you to shift your perspective in a way that helps.

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOM5_V5jLAs&t=216s

Sorry to hear of your situation and wish you the best.

> I live as cheaply as I possibly can at this point. I live with family and only pay for absolute necessities.

My advice: sell the car or make the car generate income (delivery or app driving). Without income and near the bottom of your bank account is not the time to be driving a car new/expensive enough to have a loan on.

First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. My wife has chronic pain and had to give up a career she loved so I have some second hand experience with this.

Can you code? If so please email me and I may be able to give you some work paid per deliverable. You can work on your own schedule without pressure. Nothing huge, just enough to get you started.

Email in profile

I've been in the same situation for a very long time so I understand and feel for you. I've often considered creating something for people in our situation (a team that work together to cover the times when a member is unable to work), but I'm not a founder and don't know where to start. I realize it's not a short term solution but if you are interested or just want to talk, you can email me at my username at Gmail.

BTW, an attorney for the SSDI appeal isn't a bad idea. There are downsides but they do navigate it all the time and the deck is not stacked in you favor. Also find a pain specialist with legal experience; it's important they know what to say since there are no scans or x-rays or blood tests that can say why you are laying in bed in tears waiting to be able to take the next pain med.

What are your professional skills? I work for a chronic pain management startup and we have a lot of needs.

>>I started having problems with chronic pain...

I know this is a long shot but if you've not tried it it's worth a shot..

Buy some quality local raw honey and start taking a couple teaspoons a day. You should know in a couple weeks if it's helping.

I had been dealing with severe shoulder pain for close to a year when an old friend told to try raw honey. I was hurting bad enough to give it a shot. It worked, and it didn't take long compared to how long I'd been hurting.

Since then I've told two friends of mine about it who told me were dealing pain, one was just two weeks from surgery for it. It worked for both of them too.

You might also look into getting some Manuka honey. The antibacterial properties are a bit different than local honey so if local doesn't work that might.

I can tell you it worked for the three of us.

You can dig yourself out of this hole. It's a lot of work. You'll have to do things that are challenging, which make you uncomfortable.

I know you can. Asking for help is a huge step. You clearly want to get to a better place.

--

Ya, you'll need a lawyer for SSDI. I solicited referrals, contacted about 20, interviewed a handful, and then ultimately picked this one https://www.ddmglaw.com/about/ Look for someone similar close to you. Though everything's done remote now, so location might not matter.

You probably qualify for Medicaid too. Ditto food stamps.

Contact everyone to arrange late payments. You'll be surprised how accomodating some will be. For instance, I paused my mortgage for 9 months, and with the COVID carve outs, it was just some forms.

Your utilities might have special rates for low income. In my case, again, it was just some forms.

--

As for pain...

All I can say is don't accept "no" or "i don't know". Someone somewhere has the answers you need.

Last year I enrolled in Swedish Hospital's Pain Services program. It covered a huge amount of material. Stuff like tai chi, breathing, graded motor imagery, the latest in pain science, and more. I nicknamed the program "Pain College".

Pain College worked for me. Amazing. Beforehand, I would have bet against it.

Here it is. https://www.swedish.org/services/pain-services Don't judge them by their web site; they have no control over it. And it certainly does not reflect what they actually do. When I first saw it, I thought "ya ya ya, I've done all that already." I'm glad I enrolled anyway.

I'll checkout all the other tips and links. My next hurdle is some myofascial pain. I'm always learning new stuff to try.

Sorry to hear about your situation, I have not been in your shoes. If you are able to work a few hours remotely have you considered teaching? Maybe something like https://outschool.com or local kids (post on Facebook, Nextdoor) and help kids get ready for AP computer science or something. I use codehs.com for their curriculum and learning platform, and volunteer with a few kids of friends.

It will take some time to startup snd get reputation on outschool but if you find enrichment with teach kids this could be something to consider.

I don't think it would be enough money to make a career but I'd you need to offset some bills it could be a quick way.

it’s interesting that no one in the comments suggets maybe we as a society should try to find a place where we could plan how to implement ubi. considering TLAs are always going to infiltrate such a group of people to stop that from happening (on twitter or elsewhere) it would be reasonable for people to discuss the massive fundamental problems with our society and how situations like the one this poster finds himself in number in the hundreds of thousands if not millions. and most of them just kill themselves. maybe some people here might be able to make the mental connection that this is going to affect their own loves at some point even if you have a cushy software job at the moment

Lean into your network. Use the fact you have access to YC. Find a company that will give you a job doing what you can with the hours you're able to do. A killer network like the one that's open to you is something most people don't have.

Here is an interesting news article I saw recently about chronic pain, in case it is useful. It seemed like it could be a balanced look at the field of managing it, now, for what it may be worth: https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/27/health/haider-warraich-chroni...

I became disabled due to chronic fatigue syndrome, and as I progressed until gradually unable to keep a job, I also went through what you are of being denied disability benefits, but a good doctor (specialist) helped me w/ an attorney referral, which along with letters from former coworkers. HR and family as to my condition, some careful record-keeping (hard and draining), and being able to stay with family until things stabilized more, were a big help when I went to the administrative law judge finally about it. My security is church and family, family and church (and given the government's track record, that is where it will stay--maybe states could do better, but I don't think the US fed ever could--long set of experiences there).

So I can sympathize: even though our conditions are different, I think there is some overlap. For my situation at least, graded exercise therapy or the belief it is all in one's head, are very unhelpful ideas (much could be said).

But now things have stabilized, I believe I will get better eventually, and there is hope for me, and there is hope for you. Don't ever give up.

Here is another recent article (related to overcoming depression with a multi-pronged approach, not trying to do everything at once but in thoughtful steps), which I thought was very good (has some religious aspects, which are actually relevant): https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2022/07/07...

Again, don't give up. It can really get to where things are OK.

I am exactly in the same boat, except I live in the UK with my British spouse (I'm American). I've been slowly rebuilding myself after heart surgery, trying to build up my physical stamina, getting therapy for depression, and learning the new JS hotness to be able to get better work to support my wife and I. Except the Home Office here fucked up my visa and it looks like I might get sent back to the US, where I have no home, no access to the medical care I need, and my wife (who is also disabled with chronic pain) needs me.

I got no advice, man, but you're not alone here. Being a 44 year old web dev with chronic pain issues sucks. I'm pulling for you.

I wish the OP the very best. I can't offer any more suggestions, as I suspect there is a great deal more to the story. I am quite aware that finding ourselves in this kind of hole is devastating and humiliating. Getting out, often requires a lot of work.

I have known (and still do know) folks in the same boat. My own "origin story" is one that has some ... exciting bits ...

Some folks have managed to do well in life, despite the challenges; some, not so well. Not everyone can climb out on their own, and the type of help we need, varies greatly, on the kinds of things we don't want to talk about or face.

Will probably get downvoted here, but read a self-help book.

Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins is one of the better ones based on the various areas of your life. (Raising Standards, Limiting Beliefs, Change your Strategy)

If you don't read this book, there's plenty of others regarding how our mental state can do more damage than good. Some are even associated with chronic physical pain such as back pain or migraines.

For as little as $10 or a trip to the local library (or online version), you can potentially change your life by reading a book with something foreign to you that you try and it suddenly works.

Consider moving to a cheaper country.

By selling everything you own in the USA, you might end up with many many years of living expenses in say Thailand.

In todays world of remote work, even getting a tiny number of consulting jobs, at US rates because you have (presumably) a US education/work history, will then pay the bills.

Many countries have small populations of American/British people you could join. Check visa eligibility first - some countries are far easier to get into than others.

Obviously this probably depends on the whole family wanting to move - and thats a big decision for you to all make together.

I will give non-standard advice.

I would argue against all the people saying you should read John Sarno or other mind-body connection books. Been there, done that, did not help with tendonitis. There are alternatives thesis that explain why those books help certain people and how the advice did not in fact help them. A good exposition can be found here:

https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/BgBJqPv5ogsX4fLka/the-mind-b...

Now on your problem. If it is related to chronically pain, you could try to come to Chile and get physical therapy for cheap. The medical system on the US cannot afford to pay for physical therapy, but can afford the pill subscription. There are friends in the US that have used pills for month for what known physical therapy exists, it is sad.

Locals tend to use FONASA, which is like the NHS for the UK. Paying from your own pocket (private) it is not cheap for locals, but for north-americans I argue it is. I would say

- 40 USD for the private medical session of diagnosis.

- 140 USD for 2 months of physical sessions (3 times a week).

You can heal a lot of stuff with those cost.

Plus the attention has a good cost / benefit ratio. Sure it is no mayo clinic, but you get cured in the end. The physical therapist (kinesiologo) I ended up attending was a college professor on the side. This was in Quilpue, not santiago! Plus he had great attention too!

I had RSI. The physical therapist uncompressed the muscles with needles and low voltage electricity. That made my brain realize "oh, those muscles _are_ overloaded" and uncompressed them; it is no acupuncture mumbo-jumbo. Then gave me a routine of exercise to develop the other half of the muscles that were overworked, so they got aligned. Afterwards on the third week I was back at work. I have to do complementary exercises every three days as a precaution (stretching, weights etc), but certainly this is sustainable. I had to do that anyways after 30.

I can see myself working for a long time. I don't feel afraid of hacking on OSS at night ;-)

I had bad RSI and lost the ability to work like I used so I adapted, can't force anything. I was homeless and worked at McDonalds and Taco Bell before getting a car and delivering pizza. Now I'm back at a startup and can work again. If I push myself too hard my hands will hurt so I don't. Only advice is fight with everything you have but don't push yourself harder than will allow you to rebuild and recover your health. America sucks. So does most of the world. There is no country to go to and be free in. Good luck!

You could try making money on a youtube channel, document your journey. Could help a lot of people and make a few hundred dollars on the side. See if there any exercise that you can tolerate. Yoga or kayaking something to keep you moving. Fishing could help with getting enough protein on a tight budget or even something like trying to grow microgreens on your window sill could help you eat healthier. Instapot pressure cooker for cooking beans and rice would also help to get enough protein on a budget diet.

Been there, still there… Also no idea what to do. I've been just doing my best to learn a buncha open source related skills (Blender modeling, Python scripting, Linux administration, etc) to try my best to keep some relevant skills alive, but the pain has directly affected my sleep, which has directly affected my skills to a severe degree, so it's slow going. Still trying though, because I'm just not able to completely give up for some stupid reason, no matter how hopeless things appear.

It seems to be a little out of fashion with the HN crowd, but maybe meditation can help you a little on your way. It is taught that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Trained Buddhist monks can endure immolation, see for example https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Qu%E1%BA%A3ng_%C4...

Good luck, hope you find something helpful here.

I wonder if one could get oneself a piece of land far enough from cities and raise chickens or a cow or a couple of goats. A garden or similar helps.

In other words, back to good old days!

Is it practical?

Maybe, maybe not, but worth a try. Consult a medical doctor. You might have a major vitamin D deficiency? https://vitamind3-cholecalciferol.com/how-to-estimate-your-v...

As always, consult a medical docter, don’t rely on internet medical advice blabla etc

What are you interested in work wise, do you already have the required skills or can upskill? Perhaps gigs related to your skills? If you need to build up portfolio you could volunteer? I think everything is easier when you have a team, would you be able to join any groups online or otherwise with similar interests or disabilities? Best of luck and let us know how it goes, you’re not alone!

Did you enjoy YC? Could you do it again?

That sounds like a really difficult situation. What sort of jobs would you be interested in? What do you think are your relative strengths & skills?

> Further, all of my experience is in startups and that makes me less palatable to larger companies, but larger companies have more options to accommodate disabled people.

My understanding is lots of large enterprise/legacy companies are constantly looking for startup experience since they want to replicate the startup success with their own projects and often consider their own projects to be startsup.

For your chronic pain, I recommend reading "The Mind Body Prescription" by Dr John Sarno. Saved my sanity and my career 7 years ago.

Although it doesn't help the OP, another option in private LTD. I knew someone who had terrible bad pain that even surgery didn't help and they used their employers LTD and it was easier to get approved along with much higher payments than SSDI. And if structured right, its tax free. So even if running a startup or consulting, you should make sure you have LTD coverage.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwiDnY6F-eH4AhUECH0...

Sorry to hear that, after my startup failed I also had a very hard time, didn't want to take benefits (I thought that was below me, idiot me) and was eating the very cheapest Aldi stuff and got renting problems (no rent payed) and all credit cards and bank accounts cancelled. Got some money from my mom (they are the best). Luckily a friend gave me a job.

Have you considered a second or third tier company.

Some small SaaS that is looking for full stack etc.

Consulting and startups are wayyy more stressful than changing a tooltip verbiage in a 2 week sprint (seriously the bar for full stack senior engineer so low you could trip on it at many places).

You could be burned out and physical pain can certainly be a manifestation of mental issues.

Contact your city sometimes they have programs for people in your situation.. recently at my work we were contacted through one of these programs about a an older dev in a similar situation as yourself. We interviewed them for an internship and if we take them on the city will pay their wage for the length of the internship.

A way to make a few bucks for your side projects might be to do polls/surveys and get paid via Paypal or Amazon vouchers:

https://www.householdmoneysaving.com/free-paypal-money/

> I can't even afford to toss a few bucks into side projects so I at least have something to do with my time...

Lots of people work on side projects with no money nowadays - the situation is different than it was 10 years ago. Even putting a beta out there is doable for free with AWS credits or the free tier.

Economic hardships can take a heavy toll on one's mental health.

When you are calm, cool, and collected, take stock of what you have left, i.e. money, time, skills, health. Put them to good use. Learn to be frugal with your time. To me, time and health are more important than money.

Downshifting may be an option.

On the work side, I am surprised no one has suggested freelancing. Yes, bidding on sites like Upwork isn't a great way to make money especially in the USA, but given your situation, it's a way to earn something working on your terms and no more that you want or can.

Do Uber, or Uber eats if you don’t want to deal with people too much. It will make you more than enough to sustain yourself with your experience.

Put yourself on upwork (I assume you know programming).

If not, take up an administrative job, remote if you can find it in HR or recruiting or something similar.

If you are able to push through the pain and exercise, I have heard it can be helpful, even if it's just light stretching. You might also want to get checked for sleep apnea. I know far too many comorbid cases of chronic pain and sleep disorders.

I mean it must be obvious but the source of your problems seems to be your chronic pain. What is the source of it?

Do you need to go undergo an operation and don't have the resources for it? If not, do medications help? At least to help you get work done?

This chronic pain - what is the cause of it? Are you diagnosed with fibromyalgia?

Hey. Sorry to hear about your issues. I would love to help, but I don't know how to.

I am based in Europe, but used to live in the US. Is there a specific type of job, even if part-time, that you think you could do well?

Perhaps look for freelance gigs that are paid by the task, not the hour. Then it won't matter that you might need to take a little longer because you are dealing with the chronic pain.

Good luck

If you are in California and/or you are a veteran, then you have two avenues to explore. Both those things being true for me made it possible for me to stay off the street.

If you're looking for part time work in tech, if you're patient with upwork and similar sites you can find roles for 10-20 hours a week that pay decently.

I suffered with chronic pain related issues for some years. I might have some insights, feel free to shoot me an email if you feel up to it. Mail is in my profile.

Is there something you could do on fiverr or upwork? As these abstract you from the customer a little more, and good comms and service will get you a long way.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It may seem hopeless at times but remember working at startups is quite challenging and you did that - and faced challenges lots of people wouldn’t care to try to.

Your current assets and your psychology are two different things. Every improvement you can wring out with the latter, could be the piece of strength you need to deal with the other. Seek out any way you can to build up mentally bit by bit. Even little things if they can make a difference.

I’m no expert on this stuff but I wanted to let you know you’re not alone out there.

Since there are already lots of good ideas in this thread, here's an off-the-wall suggestion for income: cam modelling. A lot of people in similar situations (struggling to hold down a steady job due to needs for flexibility around disability, health, family, etc.) get into it because it can be a quick source of income. "Camming: Money, Power, and Pleasure in the Sex Work Industry" by Angela Jones is a great study of the industry and people's journeys if you want to read more about this.

What kinds of things are you still capable of? Can you walk dogs? Operate a pressure washer? Narrate audio books?

Can you do a dev-adjacent job like SCRUM-master or Agile coach? Corporations seem to be big into that the days.

If i were you I will do a job which while I'm doing it I lost the time and it's give me energy

>I can't even afford to toss a few bucks into side projects Why do you need money for side projects?

Is this a permanent disability or something that can be recovered with a lifestyle change?

Could you try side-gigs like online life coach, programming lessons, code review?

Say you are going to the gym 4 times a week, then one day, while running, you feel a sudden pain in your knee. Knee swells but nothing too bad, except that every single time you move your knee, some sharp, nagging pain comes back and gets you to stop whatever you're doing. You then touch your knee, move it left and right, and scratch at the pain. Makes it a bit worse.

You should rest, says your aunt and her bridge friends. You don't really want to rest, but at the same time... that pain! Right? Can't really go to the gym now.. could I?

So, you stay home for the next two weeks. After two weeks, the pain is still there; you leave it for another two weeks before going to the doctor. Doc can't find anything wrong, so you get Ibuprofen for 2 weeks and rest, perhaps a little contention for your knee. After the two weeks are done, you feel a bit better, and you gained a bit of weight, so it's really time to go back to the gym.

You go back to the gym, pumped. First move, bam! Knee pain comes back. As sharp as ever. WTF.

Thing is. Not moving for a month or two and avoiding the pain has made all the muscles around your knee grow weak. Your threshold for pain is lowered by the inactivity in the limb, and your general fitness has severely diminished.

Is having knee pain as bad as your story? Of course not. Is that a helpful story? Well, maybe, you tell me.

I believe in both cases letting the pain control your life is a mistake. Even if it is the worst pain imaginable, do whatever you can to work AROUND it. What does it mean in your case?

Your pain does not forbid you to take care of your lifestyle: - Do not indulge in useless behaviours that kill your soul and increase your self-deprecation: (re)Build a discipline. - Eat well, sleep well and rise with the sun. - Do every bit of physical activity you can, regularly, like clockwork.

Can you do 20 pushups? 10? 1? Well, then it goes in. Can you run for 5 min ? You start there. Can you stretch your back ? Bam, in. You find out what you can do and make it a doable and improvable routine that you do EVERY SINGLE DAY, in the morning, preferably.

Work around the pain. Do not let it control you, build what can be built.

Your pain does not forbid you to take care of your mindset: - Find goals, start small, and keep growing - E.g. "I can't hold a job" --> that's a useless generalisation. Change it to rational thinking: are you cognitively diminished ? yes/no ? if yes, how much? Are there job for cognitively diminished people like you ? (probably, given that half the population has an IQ below 100). Are you physically dimished ? yes/no ? How much? Can you find a job that would work? Remote? Coding ? Job X ? You don't know how to do X ? Replace video games by Coursera. Get a certificate in X. Is it you can't keep a job because you aim too high ? Would it be ok to aim lower ? How low ? How much time would it be ok to be there ? - Keep a vision of what the future could be. Even with the pain, even with all the failures and broken dreams. Find out what it could be as if your life depended on it.

Anyways. There is no silver bullet. You are, or have been, at a threshold for a while, a fork in the road between extinction and rebirth.

My advice is to take the Ibuprofen or whatever antidepressant you can get, whatever can help you stand a bit taller and feel a bit less of the pain. But go back to the gym, work around whatever pain is left after that, and wean yourself off everything you thought you needed to go through the days. Progressively.

Also, obviously. Stop taking benzodiazepine, weed, alcohol or any other drugs. Get help if you can. You are in a fight for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

Lots of credulity in here. "Worst of all, my life is pretty drab." I'll bet.

I wonder what the person who watches him play video games all day thinks about his inability to work due to "chronic pain".

where do you experience the pain? does it get worst or better on certain occasions?

chronic pain: Check your sitting posture and blood flow, especially upper neck. It's a modern-day epidemic among screen workers:

https://getradiantlife.com/poor-posture-a-modern-day-epidemi...

I have been where you are. It's terrible and the United States is a terrible place to have these kinds of problems.

I have a few thoughts.

1. Focus on finances. You say you're behind on your car payments. With the upside-down state of the current car market, there's an outside chance you could sell it at a profit, maybe clear 10k. (I have no idea what kind of car you have, but 10k > sales price is not unusual right now.) Maybe you could sell it, pay off the note, and have enough left to buy a very basic used car?

2. SSDI. A disability law firm can be helpful. I used them for LTD but they exist for SSDI as well. For LTD they work on a commission of your back pay once you are approved. YMMV.

3. Part-time work - at this point your focus needs to be on survival. What can you do, that's relatively in demand? Start there, worry about perfection in your career path another time. P/T flexible jobs for disabled people -- that's a need that's been unmet for years, but there are some developments in it. Try https://www.wearecapable.org// .

4. Keep up with the therapy. Also investigate nutritional deficiencies, thyroid imbalances, etc. Fixing them won't "fix" your problems, but it'll give you more physical and mental strength to deal with them. For more info see my short essay: https://radiosof.com/2019/09/22/some-interesting-tools-for-d.... The embedded links also link to some other essays on genetic and nutritional components to depression. Some of these can also affect inflammatory response as well. So finding out if you're bad at methylation and supplementing with B-12 shots and methylfolate (for example) could also potentially reduce some pain levels somewhat. Which would then allow you to think and strategize more clearly.

5. Depending on your issues, it's great to have really smart, genius-level doctors on your side. The Center for Complex Diseases in Mountain View is one such a place. I'm not sure chronic pain is their specialty, but perhaps you can call them and ask. I think Stanford has a pain clinic as well?

You're used to the YC world, where they talk about "10x" coders. Well, there are "10x" doctors. Once you get into the world of invisible hard-to-treat illnesses and you're trying to qualify for disability, you NEED a 10x doctor. First, b/c they might help you improve. And second, because they see people like you all day and they are going to be better at helping you qualify for disability than a regular primary care doctor.

I would recommend calling the Center for Complex Diseases, and asking if they cover patients like you, and if not, who they recommend. Then put the very expensive appointments on your credit card or borrow money, do what you have to. They are an investment in your ability to qualify for SSDI. A few thousands now may guarantee $18k/ year for the foreseeable future.

6. This website is the Bible for people navigating disability applications: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/

Good Luck!

At least you're not American. Oh wait ...

This is brainstorming for what I might try if I were in your situation:

- try contracting! There are a lot of people who need a basic MVP written and do not have the skills themselves. Not everyone has a tight deadline, either, and if you're paid hourly, if you are too tired to work one day, no problem, they just don't pay you. Just set good expectations ("I can only commit to 20 hrs/wk, but may be able to do more", no need to mention why). Between skills, availability, and rate, there is a lot of room to maneuver: a very skilled US developer who can only work 10 hrs/wk but who charges a low rate might be quite worth it. (But choose clients carefully) I know Toptal has had a lot of these kind of jobs, and I expect the other agencies also have a lot.

- look for companies with lower expectations. From what I've heard (i.e. HN comments :), often small, non-tech companies might find even basic stuff really helpful. Also, big companies have a lot of time spent not-coding.

- you could specialize in understanding code to fix bugs. Fixing problems in million line code-bases involves a lot of reading and experiments, not banging out code. This pairs well with contracting, but this is also an asset to big companies.

- if your pain is physical (e.g. wrists), you might try voice input. My brother knows a blind developer (who uses Linux [!]), he presumably isn't typing 100 WPM, but is reliably employed.

- consider leveraging your technical abilities in other fields that don't involve typing/standing/sitting. As I understand it, technical sales (e.g. selling devices to engineers) requires understanding how the products benefit the customers and visiting customers, not cranking out code. "Applications engineering" is sort of like high-level tech support and consulting, and some engineering companies have a group like this.

- consulting to fellow founders. I'm sure you have something to offer.

- management or PM, and I assume you have experience with at least one of these as a founder. You can also do this as contract work; I've seen contract work for PMs, small team managers, and even CTO. (Presumably the CTO contract position was for a rather small company which was either too small to need a FT CTO, or bridging the gap until they found someone permanent.)

- tutoring HS math/science/programming. From what I've heard, tutoring rates can be quite good, especially if you target the market that can pay.

- if you need money right now, $1500/month at part time (80 hrs/month) is $19/hr, which is fairly achievable. This isn't fun or glamorous, but I know second-hand that doing phone support for AT&T, Verizon, etc. is paying about this; I expect they are always looking for people. My friend, who took the job (half-time) because of some physical limitations, went through a month of frustration, but came to an understanding of what the business goals/limitations are. He also quickly got promoted to trainer, so he enjoyed his role more. Not something you'd want to make a career out of, but it would stabilize the situation, and you'd still have 80 hrs to explore alternatives.

Also, this probably isn't a popular HN approach, but if your pain is physical, you could try divine healing. Find a charismatic church and ask for prayer for healing; if it doesn't work, at least it'll probably be a new experience. If you're near Redding, CA, the Bethel Healing Rooms has hundreds of people that come every Saturday, and I personally know a number of people that have been healed. (Don't read too much on the web, though, there are a lot of opposition to Charismatics that are opposed because of doctrine and take stuff all out of context. All the naysayers are really motivated to make websites going into depth about all the failings, but all the people that have a great experience don't have a burning desire to create websites about it, so search results are really skewed.)

With respect to the chronic pain, I'd suggest some kind of embodied mindfulness practice to help alleviate the symptoms. I assume Western medicine has not been able to help you much on that front.

There are tons of techniques out there, some of which have been proven by scientists to help reduce the symptoms of chronic pain. I'd suggest you find someone qualified teacher, since doing some of these on your own might be dangerous.

If you are willing to go for something more out there, I'd recommend reading this book https://www.amazon.com/Meditation-Saved-My-Life-Tibetan/dp/1... (it's free on libgen). It's the story of a Tibetan monk which was tortured in a Chinese jail and developed gangrene in one of his ankles, which progressed to the point of almost killing him and destroyed his joint. Doctors kept pressuring to have his foot amputated, but he sensed it'd be the wrong choice. Eventually, he went into retreat in his apartment and practiced some techniques for healing he had been taught in Tibet. Within a year, his foot was mostly healed, and eventually his body somehow managed to grow a new ankle joint.

The book is not explicit about what he did, but the two main practices he alludes to are called "tsa lung" (moving energy through the body) and reciting the "Medicine Buddha" mantra. I think you'll need an instructor if you want to practice "Tsa Lung" (the monk in the book teaches it, but he moved to France). But Medicine Buddha mostly involves reciting mantras and should be safe.

I don't have a lot of personal experience with the Medicine Buddha mantra, but reciting another mantra ("om mani padme hum") and similar practices cured a chronic depression that lasted more than five years. Saying "cure" is a bit of an understatement, because my outlook on life has radically changed. My external circumstances have not changed a lot, but most of the internal turmoil has mostly subsided. So on the base of that, I am willing to consider the possibility that a monk might regrow a joint by reciting a mantra.

You don't have to believe in cosmic blue Buddhas (in fact, the official position is that they don't inherently exist, just like you and me). I think of these practices as a technology developed by a culture that put the mind at the front and center of their inquiry into the nature of reality.

Here's some references: - Medicine Buddha mantra (so you hear what it sounds like): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoGmifZperY - A more involved practice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on7kiQawZJ0

This second one is a more traditional presentation, so it might not be your cup of tea. But I am including it anyway just so you can get an explanation from someone qualified. Again, sorry if this is too out there. But again, I doubt you posted here because you wanted to hear the same answers you get anywhere else.

Hello,

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I suggest you find work as a contractor in backend work just to stabilize yourself financially.

Try not to take it too seriously, consult with your doctors on how to manage your pain and depression and any anxiety you may have from backend work.

Once you are stabilized and maybe have moved to a low cost of living area, you can take your time to find a more interesting job :)

Good luck.

I'm 39 and disabled in addition to being politically exposed (that is, a bunch of people whom I've never met know me by my real name and, for reasons so silly it is not worth getting into, utterly hate me) so I have some insight into your situation.

To start: this utterly sucks. If it makes you feel better, it's not as uncommon as people want to believe. It awaits probably half of the people here in middle age (meaning 40s and 50s) due to a mix of random bad luck and work stress. Unfortunately, there's no easy fix. Getting sick invariably damages your life, in our society, more than it should. Money problems are an absolute nightmare that cannot be understood except by people who have experienced them.

It is truly astonishing, in the United States, how quickly your life can turn to shit, and how readily our society will let it happen. If the 99 percent of people who will not inherit high positions in the corporate system realized this--if they realized that they are not protected by their educational paperwork or "professional network" (which will disappear as soon as they need it)--then our entire society would be overthrown (good riddance) in a few nights.

It's good that you have family you can live on, and you shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that you're in this situation, because it's not your fault (shame or guilt will just make it worse). Not everyone has that. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad about people who are worse off; I'm just stating a fact. People have come back from worse.. although the path is difficult and the odds are poor.

What happened with your consulting clients? Did you inform them of your situation, and were they understanding? Would you be able to use them as references? (If they say anything bad about you, you can argue that they're engaging in discriminatory communication and sue their dicks off... but, ideally, things would be in a state where they'd say good things.) Why wouldn't they have been accepting of your scaling down your hours?

The first thing you have to do is focus on your health, like nothing else matters. Easier said than done, I know. If you can improve your situation to the point where you can work 25, then 30, then 35 hours per week... then great. It might take a few years, though; health problems do not resolve quickly, especially later in life, and doubly-especially when bullshit survival pressures do not let up.

I think you and the corporate world are, to be frank about it, probably done. For all the claptrap about corporate "mission", the truth (that everyone knows but cannot speak) is that the work has no real purpose and it's all about the money (and ego and narcissism, but those are connected to the money and the ability to get it). When you become disabled, you're no longer in the running for the executive-level jobs that are the carrots dangled in front of the masses, and everyone knows it. So, the cunts up top will take your inability to work 70+ hours per week as an "attitude" problem rather than a justifiable concession to a hard medical need. You can draw out the process, document everything, and probably collect a better-than-typical severance when they eventually fire you... but I'm guessing this isn't the way you want to live. With or without severance (which is never enough, even if you played the disability endgame like a pro) getting fired every year still fucking sucks.

You could look at government jobs. There are a lot of jobs in the public sector that are "boring"--meaning there's a fair amount of bureaucracy, and you're not going to be flown to Hawaii after a product launch--but that will allow you to work from home, and scale back to part-time if/when you need to do so. (I'm guessing that your disability fluctuates, and there are times when you can work 40+ hours and times when not.) You're not going to make a ton of money, but (let's be honest) that's never going to happen for you (unless your disability spontaneously resolves, which I hope it does, but which can't be bet upon) in the corporate world either. Plus, while some government jobs are bureaucratic waste, there are a good number of them that actually serve useful social purposes, and give you something to think about other than your health.

The best strategy, if you can get it to work, is probably to find a "boring" (boring is good, because income is a utility and having it turned off fucking sucks) job with flexible hours where you can work from home. You'll need one with good medical benefits, too. The era in which you can bet your life on a dodgy startup (it didn't pan out the last time) is over.

Good luck! You are certainly not alone in this. Infirmity happens to all of us; the only variation is in when it comes.

You don't spend money on rent, but are still spending $1500/month? On what?

Now you go on welfare and find a $400/month apartment in rural Nebraska

The question is "Can you program"?

If the answer is "Yes", then stop watching TV, playing video games and lurking on the internet.

Honestly, this will sound heartless, but if you can play video games you can also work. The problem is more in your head and you need to shed the victim thinking and start focusing on what valuable you can do.

Even if your output is less than it was before, you can probably pay for a reasonable lifestyle.

Right now there is a lot of huge companies that will hire anybody that can code anything. Trust me on this. It is total seller's market. There are people who can't code and still get the job.

You say you are burned backend-centered web developer? You can probably get hired for full time, less ambitious job or contract and do your job in a fraction of time. The key word is "Less Ambitious". Which should help with your burnout. Just put a very strict work time / free time boundaries.

My burnout comes when I can't leave work even when I am at home and the solution is to give yourself permission to have time off. It is all in your mind.

My friend, I am very sorry. Focus on what you can do right now. The first thing you can do is work hard to find joy in every day of life. Yes, it exists, and yes, you have to look for it. This will help you turn around your depression.

My wife found joy every day even though she was terminally ill, and I'd be remiss not to point you to the same place where she learned to find it:

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/living-with-...

If you want, you can email me to my username@gmail.com and I will send you her Instagram feed which is still online and you will see what she went through and how she stayed positive, peaceful, and even happy despite her awful ordeal.

Lastly, you are more than the sum of your accomplishments. Your material needs are few, and your qualifications many. Get a job doing anything you can do from home, and just start grinding. Don't worry about trying to get back to where you were. Accept your new normal and work it like any other problem.