Have You Regretted Immigrating?

After graduation I emigrated from Spain to the UK at first, then to Canada, in order to make a better living. I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations, yet I have mixed feelings about it.

In my twenties I was young and hungry. It felt like an adventure, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work on projects that didn't exist back home. It was also a way to achieve independence and prove to myself that I had what it took to succeed alone and compete with what I perceived to be better educated engineers.

In my thirties I started to notice how I had become estranged from friends and family. My parents began to look old at first, and eventually weak and frail. Those fears turned true when I lost my dad in my late thirties. I've heard other people talk about the shock of seeing your parent age in discrete increments every time they travel back home, so I know I am not alone in this.

Now in my forties I finally have some free time to look back and wonder whether it was worth it. From this vantage point, a simpler life close to friends and family looks pleasant, but at the same time I figure that if I had stayed then I would have always wondered what it would have been like if I had moved overseas.

So, it's complex. These days I'm thinking of possibly going back to Spain. It has better weather and food, if nothing else.

Immigrated from Brazil to Germany.

Almost 8 years after, I don't have any intentions of going back. Sure, I miss family, friends and local food.

But living under the conditions I had to live back then was too harsh. I was born from a very poor family and it was terrible there, even as a software developer. I had to really work my ass off freelancing, making websites from when I was 10 and pay for my university. Things have improved for developers lately there, with many American companies offering very good compensation and now they can afford even to own a propriety. But the bigger problems are still there.

Money isn't everything. It sucks if you live well but there's poverty everywhere, anytime you could be killed. This is Brazil. I lost my uncle when I was 6 because he got shot in the head while working selling sandwiches... leaving behind his 8 year daughter... and it made me realize that nothing is more important than having money, which is to have some peace of mind, and this is what I get here, in Germany.

People here are rude, there are problems as well like xenophobia, being disrespected or not taken seriously by police as a foreigner, even being thought of selling illegal drugs(yet... I work in IT and I'm basically a nerd), eventually some nazi assholes giving me trouble, and of course, the people that don't have any sensibility for people who suffered hardships in their lives because they've got it easy... stuff that I truly dislike that even back home didn't used to happen. BUT it isn't anywhere as bad as it was back home.

Maybe if you are immigrating from a first world country with a nice family with money and so on it might look different. I see a lot of Americans that come here for an adventure and stay only a year or two and move back. Some of them even had their parents busting $200k in a Harvard degree for them. When you have that sort of life, I think it might be hard to appreciate how nice living here is, but if you came out of nowhere and see how there's a social system here and you can start living instead of feeling always in a "survival" state, it feels good.

I guess we all share this rare opportunity which is to be alive and live. But we are all given a very different hand of cards. Moving to Germany changed quite a few cards for me for the better.

No regrets. I can only recommend it.

Yes.

Americans are far more violent, crass, and "independent" (selfish) than their European counterparts, despite having greater opportunities for a high income.

I've seen someone get knocked unconscious because he called a gentleman out for skipping to the front a restroom queue. I've seen trivial altercations over nonsense[1]. Words (air) lead to violence far too often. Whereas in Europe, people just ignore you, or brush you off as ridiculous/insane.

And you can't complain about crime because it's racist[2]. The ethnic strife is increasingly reminiscent of the Balkans. I wouldn't be surprised if the U.S. fractionalizes within the next few generations.

I don't feel safe, ever. I work from home and order everything via Amazon.

My plan is to earn enough to buy a house plus a 5-year cushion, then return to Europe or explore Southeast Asia.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muS3adntVf0

[2] https://nypost.com/2022/06/08/san-francisco-da-chesa-boudin-...

The way I improved my economic status and social skills, being able to master several European languages, alongside the programming ones, has been a great experience.

Having lost touch with many friends and relatives, not being able to follow some cousins growing up, being made aware of someone's illness or death, without being able to be present, or having thoughts where would I live as last country, not so much.

So while I don't fully regret it, as I wouldn't be the same without those experiences living 20 years abroad, I surely have mixed feelings about it, and might in retrospective taken other decisions along the path.

I emigrated to the UK, spent 10 years there and moved back. For me things worked out quite well in terms of education, career and etc. The thing that frustrated most was that London is very expensive and salaries don't match the cost of living,so you get subpar quality on pretty much everything unless you shovel money. Also,I don't quite miss those who look down on you just because you have a foreign accent.

I don't know how to put it, but you lose a piece of yourself when immigrating. Like this sculpture: https://media.architecturaldigest.com/photos/5699809f12582c2...

That was my experience anyway, YMMV.

Ultimately it depends on how entrenched you were in your original culture.

Personally I don’t regret it one bit. Built (and still building!) a life here; actively working for being “just another person in the society”. However I have almost zero connection to the society I came from, and not much to look forward to if I were to go back. I hated the culture; and couldn’t come to terms with it - even though it works well for some.

That being said if the only reason was economical I think it wouldn’t have been worth it. Especially in our line of work remote work for developed countries yield a much higher quality of life. Just my 2c.

I immigrated from Austria to Germany, and don't regret it. Both are very nice countries.

I also lived in the US for a while, which was extremely interesting as historic lesson, to observe how my grandparents lived in cruel times.

People emigrate to places where they can have a better lifestyle. But that's not a static situation. Very often, the economic situation becomes reversed, with the new country going downhill, and the home country booming again.

It's quite common for people to return to their home country as the economic conditions become variable. It's not a failure, just that conditions change all the time.

Sometimes young people emigrate to 'make their fortune'. Then they come back to their more familiar homeland bearing those riches with them, and looking for a spouse and a home. That's a different situation again.

Regret is a strong word, there are pros and cons! I’m from the same country as you and lived in the UK for a year before moving to Canada, where I’ve been for seven years. So eight years total.

Family from both me and my wife (who is from yet another country) are the only things that make me think about it sometimes. It sucks seeing your loved ones getting old and not being there day to day.

We do video call a lot, and try to travel twice per year to each country, the end goal is to bring my family to Canada with family sponsorship.

I get some regrets but realize its a choice and each path has benefits and drawbacks. I've missed loads of family, the big holiday house, my father is getting old, my childhood friends. I miss the lifestyle and culture. I dont feel American, my kids do though. I thought I'd move back after a few decades but now see that the children never will, which makes it another tough choice. My career here has been great, if it wasn't in a highly paid area I'd never stay.

https://youtu.be/0a5BJxrarL0

I don’t. I’ve been an immigrant all my life. I actually like that I’m not attached to any particular country, or any kind of patriotism.

I could be wrong but should verb be emigrate here? I.e. you are leaving your home country.

My mother would definitely not do it again for a multitude of reasons and definitely regretted it.

Why do you regret it?