I feel like a fraud because even though I've made good progress on traditional goals (finished university, have a decent paying job, married, have a kid, hoping to buy a house soon) I feel stuck and unable to move forward. Apologies if this is an inappropriate topic for HN but any advice/resources would be greatly appreciated.
The best motivation for me is _social_. You work with people that want to achieve your goals. You're motivated to work with them and be accountable to others.
The other big thing is building in routine. Have a consistent schedule you follow. Your body/mind will eventually crave the routine
To quote a chapter from Alter Ego, Todd Herman, there are commonly 4 sources: Trauma, Destiny, Altruism, Self-expression.
Trauma is the Batman route. Someone hurt you deeply. You want to prove an ex wrong. A teacher didn't believe in you. Part of my motivation is corruption. I have a relative who's hardcore poor. People would give donations to her, but when the religious authorities pass her the envelopes, a little would be missing. They digitised the distribution of cash and the corruption stopped. I've been digitising a lot of third world bureaucracy since.
Destiny can be if you're in the right circumstances. Both my parents went to Harvard, in a country where it's very rare for people to have a decent education. My dad was a startup guy before the word startup was even common. So I feel it's wasteful to not be doing something ambitious. Or some people feel that the responsibility just fell on their shoulders.
Altruism can be the will to see your community improve. You might be say, the eldest in a family of people who work hard labor, with a parent who worked their ass off to pay for your education. Or go deeper, maybe you had a grandparent who migrated and worked two jobs so that your father could become the doctor. Maybe you are the one who wants a better life for your grandchildren. Maybe you're a minority who wants to give inspiration to others.
And then self-expression, where you feel the urge to experiment and build. Why do people climb mountains? A lot of techies start here; many made games or something as a kid and somehow landed in an office job.
Tap into yourself to find that inner motivation. The Five Whys are a good place to start. Why do you want to work out? Why be healthy? Why live longer? Why are you where you are?
There's a well of emotion deep inside you somewhere. Striking it will bring the tears out. You have a good idea where the well is. You'll normally dig around it; it carries a lot of weight, responsibility, and it limits your options. This is probably a good time to tap into it, though.
This varies by habit, but includes tracking at least one minute of work on a project per day, or just going for a walk if don’t have the energy to workout.
I think one has to manage expectations and factor ‘off days’ and ‘rest days’ into their model of productivity and routine.
I treat myself like a server with a bad uptime SLA. I aim for >= 90% adherence to habits, which over a long time horizon compounded is pretty meaningful.
I wrote a guide around this for a product I’m building if of interest: https://conjure.so/guides/habit-completion-types
When un-motivated, sometimes it can be cured by making a change like leaving a job for a better one.
I can’t find the ability to motivate myself for something that only might offer reward and only after a decade of focus. I can occasionally muster the motivation for maybe two weeks to a few months at a time, but it always falls apart soon after.
I'm not motivated by anything, and I don't feel the need to be. Instead, I focus on what's right in front of me—whether that's one task at a time or all the tasks in my inbox—and I do them.
There are times when I am inspired by something outside myself—a great article, a movie, or a song—but most of the time, it's just me and what needs to get done.
And this works for me! It might not work for you, but that's okay. We all have different ways of staying on track and keeping ourselves motivated.