Positive or negative or anything in between, all stories are welcome.
Everyone doesnt start from the same place. Some people have advantages, some people have disadvantages. The evaluation of either seems to be cultural for lots of situations but basically if you have more “resources” you’ll probably find greater success.
The resources your parents provide are basically monetary, emotional, and value based. The first one is “easy” to do. But the last two are the ones that make the difference. Basically if you were denied something in life, and chose some adapting behaviour, that will follow you later into life. Didnt get any validation that your emotions were reasonable? Congrats you have a higher probability of being codependent. Didnt get any attention from a parental figure? Was it dependent on external things like winning awards? Youre probably in a wildly competive profession if youre competent.
Basically your relationship with your parents when youre young is the defining relationship of your life. You can “fix” it later but it’s like sanding out grapejuice.
Three decades into life and I've got no success stories to tell. At least not the kind that the world recognizes as "success".
For almost 20 years I lived a carefree life and thought I lived in a wonderful world with wonderful parents. I was always praised for being a "good kid", especially in comparison to my older brother who seemed so much more rebellious and independent (eg my parents would complain about how he doesn't phone home or whatever).
Then after I left home during college to live with my current partner, I started to figure out myself, started to grow and mature into a more independent person, but to my parents, I "changed".
From this point on, all hell broke loose. Everything from them became negative. They attributed most of it to my partner (who had a very "different" personality from what they were used to), who in their eye turned me into some unrecognizable person.
It's hard enough trying to juggle university and then grad school and a new relationship and living by myself and trying to be an adult in general, let alone having my parents basically turn on me and blame me and my partner for everything. Tension, conflict, revisited traumas, all came on in those few years.
Fast forward, things aren't as bad now. Not because we made up in any real way, but because, as they always do, they just let problems sit long enough and hope it goes away. We barely talk, as to avoid stepping on any landmines. I step on some occasionally, and regret it immediately, and retreat back to my own life, try to keep as much distance as I can.
But, neglected problems have their consequences. Now, I'm beginning to see some of them, and it's not looking good at all. And I have no idea how to deal with any of it, because the problems have grown too large, too scary. Could I have done something earlier to prevent this? Unlikely, because it all started on day 1. Can I do something now to make it a little better? Perhaps...