Early in my career I lost a job at a startup and it also shook me up. I say "lost" because I asked if I was fired or laid off and they said I could call it whatever I wanted lol.
But yeah, basically, the head of the company had an inhuman work ethic and expected the same from his employees. I got in trouble for leaving work at 10pm on a Friday. I got in trouble for coming in late on the weekend because I was doing laundry. I got in trouble for spending time with my friends on my birthday (on a Saturday).
Basically, startups can be extremely unprofessional so if you get fired by a startup, it's no big deal.
You could look at your situation as an opportunity to develop a broader range of interests other than just work. Come clean with your SO/family. Keeping it bottled up only makes it worse for yourself. Ease off the pressure on yourself.
I thought of sending you links to read and watch, but if you want them, you’ll have to allow your curiosity overcome your fear and reach out to me (@maxharris9) on Twitter.
Two jobs is awesome. Was it easy to get that going and did they both know?