May be I also have ADHD, since sometime I get really excited about things and do things energetically, but sometime I get pretty down. I also prefer work on only things I care about or interested in. My mind get flooded with thoughts most of the time.
After finishing college I was working on projects, but I was not able to finish any of my projects. I sometime gather courage to work for a while but fall of the wagon after a week or so. In recent months I have not done anything useful keep procrastinating on things. Over the years my obsessive thoughts have evolved with the age, these days I mostly battle with ethical, legal obsessive thoughts, while I can control the response to these thoughts with meds. I seem to have complex obsessive thought which revolves around perfectionism, where I plan things and work for week then procrastinate, replan then work for while then procrastinate and so on. But last recent days I have lost the energy and have not done useful work, keep procrastinating.
Note : As the procrastinating I do household work, work in the garden, help family members and relations, check email Reddit, HN, watch TV where any of the things are not urgent. (I also seem to have addiction to information since I regularly check HN, Reddit, PH, RSS reader.)
My mother have Parkinson, her condition also deteriorating slowly. Father also have health issues. I am the eldest son of the family, my mother constantly worries about me and my brothers future. We recently showed my mother to psychiatrist where he said my mom is depressed, this probably due since she worries about me and my brother, since she have strong bond towards us due to past unfortunate events with my elder brothers. (My brother does not have any psychological disorder) Even with enough stress I keep procrastinating. I have to get this projects done and make my parents happy before it is too late.
So please any advice would be highly appreciated?
By the way I am from South Asian country where doctors (in my case psychiatrists) are expensive when you made a private booking, they just ask some questions give some meds and take the money without taking things seriously, sometimes does not even take ten minutes which was my experience. Even in the public hospital they pay less attention to me. There are good doctors who are caring but they are really rare which I had at the very beginning after my diagnosis of the OCD, when I was suffering from depression.
You are cruising along in your new project, making good progress, then you get stuck on a difficult problem. You understand the solution and it's tedious. You stop and take a break. You try and think of a better way that isn't tedious, but you never do. You keep coming back to the tedious solution.
The break never ends, and now you are procrastinating. You know the solution but don't want to do it. Too tedious. The project slowly loses your interest and before you know it, the new shiny has popped up and you have a new project.
If you don't want this to happen then you need 'suck it up' and do the tedious work. Get over your emotions. It's always less tedious than you imagine it.
0. Remind myself that work is a cruel mistress and a crummy source of self-worth. Find some hopeful, bedrock truth to fall back on when life doesn't seem worth living. (God, in my case. YMMV.)
1. Focus on the good things happening in my life and in the world. Along those lines, I cut out all news and any social media or entertainment that leaves me feeling worse afterward. Even HN can be a source of emotional drain -- some days my brain translates every headline into "that person makes $10K per week without even trying; what's your problem?"
2. Find a partner to work with closely on a day-to-day basis both to share the load and to build momentum.
3. Iterate (and fail!) faster to establish a fast feedback loop. Even weekly is too long. For my most successful projects (not saying much), I found a way to "ship" my project at least daily, even if "shipping" is just showing it to a friend. One time I modded a video game for a 4-year-old, the two of us taking 5-minute turns at the computer.
HN doesn't appear to have a DM feature but reply if you want to connect on Discord or something.
But also be aware that with respect to evolution this kind of sedentary work is completely unnatural. Also assuming most work from your country (as most of this industry has become) will be remote, it might be hard to ground it in your life, which is OK. The problem here is that we don't live in a world with basic human rights guaranteed.
I hope you find a way to break out of that rut, I'm thankfully in a position that procrastination doesn't affect my life that badly (I still do my job just fine, it's other areas that are suffering).
The other, is to develop some habits. Maybe commit to doing a certain task progress for at least a certain time, say 1 hour (or even just 15min) every day. Embrace imperfection! (or, more poetically, "Embrace Jank" :) )https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26481837
Give space for your ideas to evolve. Projects evolve with work. You don't even need to publish them! Simply move them forward. Take a holistic view on how you are improving the world, and improving your own life.
Make sure you have "baseline" issues in control, but keep in mind no one really has them in perfect check: https://lorienpsych.com/2021/06/05/depression/ (This page has great mostly evidence-based advice on lifestyle interventions)
Here's my take on ethics: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26481837
Good luck, and Hack the planet! :)
Find a small area of bare earth, not too dry but not muddy. Clear it carefully of rocks and twigs and such. Then stand on it barefoot, or sit on a chair placed so that your bare feet rest on it. Take several deep breaths and feel into the earth with the soles of your feet. Take about ten minutes.
This should help you calm your mind and ground yourself.
Dr. K a Harvard psych on gaming addiction and online communities has a youtube channel explaining how coaching. This isn't a replacement for therapy however his explanations of the science and walking through these ideas as a coach on how to apply these yourself. From my exp has very healthy approaches for just feeling less judgmental towards yourself, so you can get out of your own way and just get things done
Of course a psych will be better however this in my opinion is like fun workshops for myself to understand myself and others. So this might be a great starting point before putting money into a psych/therapist, like starting calory counting and walking more before getting a personal trainer.
If your default is being seated, change the default to standing or being in motion instead.
Then only sit down for one particular reason at a time, most deliberately.
Whether one seated session naturally allows the eventual feeling of completion, or OTOH far from completion, as soon as that session is drawing to a close get ready and go back to the default for a bit of time.
Standing up, moving around, accomplishing something that doesn't require sitting (housework & gardening are good in moderation), all can help give you better perspective before you commit to your next seated session. Whether you are picking up where you left off or leaving that alone and going back down for something completely different.
At the other end, it's not just procrastination, but productivity.
Things like this really helped when I had 5 desks with various combinations of ambitions & obligations.
It ostensibly focuses on procrastination among grad students, but the analysis and strategies discussed there are applicable to all sorts of procrastination.
I've watched a lot of videos and read a lot of books on procrastination, and this is by far the best.
Julie Yau has a "trauma workbook" with many exercises you can do on your own. She is also a very compassionate woman with deep knowledge about the nervous system, though her book is practical, not theory.
If you really want more theory about nervous system to "trust" the above advice, look into "Nurturing Resilience" by Kathy kain
All the best to you.
First and foremost is to find a talk therapist who will work with you long term on helping you develop a mental mapping of your emotions to your physiology. When you are feeling an emotion, there is a corresponding physiological change throughout your body. The key here is that when you find yourself obsessing or avoiding or focusing on other people’s problems instead of your own, you will begin to notice the physical correlations in your own body. You will learn to use breathing techniques to notice your mental states. Emotions like despair, vulnerability, resentment, shame, guilt, etc all have physical correlations. As you begin to map the language of emotions to your physiology, you will begin to find ways to short-circuit these patterns through physical regulation and asserting emotional boundaries with your family.
The most important aspect of this… you will discover that regulating your body and your environment is the same as regulating your mind. The harder you push your body physically, the less you will feel mentally adrift or obsessing over external information to contain your emotions. Your attentional willpower will improve in parallel to your physical confidence and you will choose to care for your self.
Some other practical basic tips to self-regulate
Find some activity that keeps you centered on your own body - hard exercise, yoga or physical games are best — gardening and hiking are good too. AVOID all activities where you are constantly cognitively systematizing information. As an Information Age worker, you MUST take regular breaks for 5-10 min each hour - especially when you are in the hyperfocused productive zone. Go for a walk or do some pushups or yoga. You also cannot sacrifice sleep to the obsessive mind — if you can’t sleep or don’t have the will to sleep go do some physical activity.
Info Hygiene is key
Delete most non-utility apps on your phone and turn on time limits/screen time. Unplug from real-time digital media in your life - especially interactive media. Email and forums are fine - but not as realtime activities - check them at 2-3 fixed times each. Reading and writing are fine - but set limits.
Hope this helps. Good luck
(P.S - search for Andrew Huberman Willpower on YT)
My advice when you are feeling that way is to tell yourself "I will work on this for just 10 or 15 minutes and then if I feel like it, I will stop." That way you aren't under any pressure.
I find this works because it's harder to get motivated when you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to spend hours working on something. Instead just commit to a little bit - if you enjoy it, then keep going. If not, no big deal - at least you did did a little bit. Maybe tomorrow you'll want to do more.
Then you can work with other modalities if needed, but fix the hardware first.
This book isn't specifically about OCD but Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts could be helpful as well. It talks about how to observe and accept thoughts, even if they're unwanted, repetitive or disturbing, instead of trying to suppress or fight against them.
First time on my life I was able to stay on task for sometime that wasn’t super interesting.
I can’t tolerate the meds, but I do a lot better since I lost the mental pain of being bored.
Stop seeing salesmen of the drug cartel. Their job is to get you addicted to various drugs for life. That's what they are trained to do.
See a psychologist... or even an alternative therapist. Placebo works and it works specially great for psychosomatic conditions.
Also lift weights and eat healthy