HACKER Q&A
📣 jawns

Are there any online services that have helped your kids find friends?


Our 10-year-old son is having a really hard time making friends, which is all the more heartbreaking because prior to the pandemic he was Mr. Social.

He's especially disheartened that his main friend group from school mostly have parents with fringe views we don't share, and he just doesn't enjoy being around them anymore.

We're trying to (cautiously) explore in-person extracurriculars, but I'm wondering if there are any online services that might also be helpful. We've tried penpals, but he's really looking for more realtime interactions. Of course, video chats have their own set of issues, so we'd only want to go that route if there's strict vetting.


  👤 jefurii Accepted Answer ✓
This doesn't necessarily help with finding new friends, but Minecraft along with various video chat services really helped my 10yo kiddo hang on to his friends during COVID.

I made a point to get contact info for all his friends' parents so we could coordinate. I signed up for whatever voice/video chat app his friends wanted to use. With some friends he had to just use my phone.

I asked him to find out what devices his friends had, researched cross play games, and made a chart with device OS on one axis and cross play games on the other. Then we gave prepaid Steam/Google Play/etc cards to his friends along with copies of the chart so they could play together. They ended up mostly playing Minecraft.

I got both Minecraft Java and Bedrock so he could play with everyone. Seriously, that game, especially when they were able to play on servers like Hypixel, was the most like actually getting together.

His computer desk is in the same room as my worksace, so I ended up spending a lot of time helping him and his friends learn to communicate online, breaking up fights, mediating, making up, assertiveness training, empathy training, etc, etc. I think I was able to help them learn relationship skills that would have been hard to learn without a grown-up who could step in at key moments (and stay away the rest of the time).

It was a lot of work, and my employer was very gracious (my boss was doing the same for his kid).

I wish I had more to say about helping kids make new friends. I wish you and your kiddo all the best! Hang in there!


👤 rdtwo
Have you had any luck with friends at after school activities? Bike sail swim scout, legos etc? If your son got cut out of the school play group it’s going to be hard to make up for but sometimes you can still make a friend or 2 in the extra curricular activities. Now’s the time to sign him up for all the fun summer camps too. They will be full by February

👤 Dracophoenix
Video games are helpful. Minecraft and Roblox are really popular with kids your son's age. You can introduce him to MMOs like Runescape.

👤 revorad
Check out https://primer.com. It's an education site where kids learn interesting things through collaborative projects.

I don't know much about your situation but I would still try and focus more on in-person activities.