I’ve noticed on dating apps, it takes maybe 10s to 100s of swipes/likes/what have you to match with a few people, and many of those people are generally flakey and disinterested.
Once texting I’d say maybe 50 percent of people I’m chatting with flake, citing the same 2 or 3 excuses (unless food poisoning is secretly at epidemic proportions here in the bay, or people are constantly forgetting their relatives/friends are coming into town for the weekend. More recently COVID is cited as a more valid if not slightly suspect example)
Despite the above, I’ve always eventually managed to find great dates, and even build deep relationships, but it just feels like a ton of extra work from what should be a theoretical “normal”.
Anecdotally, I’ve heard from various unrelated friends who left the bay that dating in other places is “way better”, people try harder, the “ratio is better” etc.
Is dating actually better in other cities for single straight guys in their 20s/30s? _Why_ is it better? Help me understand what the difference is
The Bay Area is my only context for a baseline so its really hard to get a feel for what other places could be like.
When I spent time around the bay (20ish years ago), I thought it was a pretty good place to meet people, no worse than LA, Chicago, NY, Honolulu, Vegas, or whatever.
Though I think you’ll find people into different things and with different beliefs in different places.
There are many worse places for dating in the world, like I imagine somewhere in the Andes the options would be quite limited, but in terms of high-populated areas, man, the Bay Area is for sure something. Some generalizations are following.
First, people are generally not good looking (like you swipe on Tinder or similar apps and you think, jesus, where are this people coming from and why anyone in their right state of mind should want to match with them) and they have very little style, where style is intended as a way to express one personality and ideas through physical appearance—and I don't consider looking terrible as a style. While there are beautiful people anywhere, including the Bay Area, outside of the top 10% (maybe 5%), the rest is quite depressing. Reason unknown, because as we know, if someone has not been blessed by beauty genes, with some money, and if there is no money in the Bay Area where is the money?,they can certainly become much better.
Second, people here are very needy and somewhat ignorant despite the money flooding the area and the "presumed" intellectual dynamisms of the region. It is challenging to find light-hearted people who want to have a good time (a distinctive trait of the person of culture, do not believe that people of culture should be profound-looking, always pondering, and boring af) and the emotional baggage most are carrying on their backs is in the hundreds of pounds. They are all reading the same books and watching the same movies, or if they are not, there are the insufferable nerdy types that want to shove down their throat their favorite Japanese black and white silent movie. You might think it is the same all over the world, but you'd be wrong.
Third, lack of personality. Now this is more challenging to explain, but you know when you meet up with someone and you feel they have something going for themselves? It can be called charme or style, it is the "je ne sais quoi". You get it from a way of walking, of talking, maybe an unexpected observation that made you laugh or think.
Well, I had many troubles finding anyone who I am interested in dating with that"je ne sais quoi" in the Bay Area. And there are very smart people here, accomplished, ambitious, but I could not care less of those traits if someone has not something attractive about themselves that is not "being outdoorsy" or "wine tasting" or a myriad of made-up hobbies that most do just to fit in. Take Bezos. Wealth, power, smarts, ambition, now he is fit as a young college athlete. But I would not get touched by that man with a 10-foot pole made of 100 dollar bills. Zero style.