How can I stop worrying and start living?
I am constantly worried that (1) I'm missing out on things, (2) something bad is going to happen and (3) can't see the point of it all since one day all will come to an end. I want to start enjoying and living a happy life. What are some steps I could take to achieve that?
This is a silly little mindgame but it really does help with worry and stress. You basically flip all worst-case scenarios on their head to see the advantages of whatever situation you're in.
Good Game: Good! Now I can ....Eg. My husband is divorcing me. Good! Now I can find someone who loves me deeply and doesn't leave ice cream containers composting on his desk.
My upstairs neighbors are hella loud and annoying. Good! Now I can spend more time visiting family, out and about with friends and at the gym getting ripped.
My research study failed. Good! Now I can devote my extra time to writing up another protocol and considering what else I want to work on.
A massive pandemic has me working from home and not leaving the house. Good! Now I can read all those books I've been wanting to get to and haven't had the chance.
There's actually a good book by Dale Carnegie with the same title that has some great advice. It's called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and the audiobook is available on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7VBziVvJNY
My favorite tip from the book was to think of the worst case outcome of whatever is stressing you out and to realize that in the grand scheme of things it's probably not that bad.
I'd recommend trying daily meditation for a couple weeks, see if it helps you. Otherwise check in with your doctor, you could have anxiety. It's normal to have these feelings every now and then. It's not normal to feel like that all the time.
Exercise.
You are missing out on things, bad things will happen, and one day it will all come to an end.
Now that we got that out of the way, recognize your body is a machine and you have at least some control over it. Get some exercise, change your location, give some attention to what you eat, connect with some people live. Make your body do something other than what it is doing.
You sound like you have General Anxiety Disorder, something that many people have. You should talk to a therapist that specializes in anxiety, and she can guide you in ways to figure out why you are feeling this way and coping mechanisms to help you get past it. And if need be, anti-anxiety medication could be prescribed by a doctor.
Try this: when you feel (1) or (2), turn to (3) to rationalize why you shouldn’t. The trick is keeping (3) at bay during all other times by identifying the things that you do enjoy in life - however insignificant they may seem - and take steps to do them more frequently and with greater depth.
Please reach out to me (same username on Twitter) if (3) ever gets out of hand or if you have any questions about my suggested steps.
Have a great day and I hope others chime in with some actionable steps, too.
I've done three of seven Mindbloom sessions so far. The first gave me a resolution to a deeply ingrained and painful pattern like the one you're describing, which I have worked on for years, in a matter of minutes. The second, which I did on a day when I felt rushed, was disappointingly mild. The third, during which I wasn't rushed but was pretty tired, was intense and pleasant, but didn't offer any epiphanies like the first session did. I'm planning to give mindset and setting very high priority on my remaining session days in hopes of having more significant experiences.
One miracle out of three attempts isn't bad, so I'm very happy I gave it a try. For an interesting overview of psychedelic therapy generally, check out "How To Change Your Mind" by Michael Pollan.
I think the first piece of real advice I can give you is to seek therapy. Find someone who listens to you and try to explain what you are feeling to them. These problems are not unique to you, but your version of them is unique and giving prescriptive advice here will likely miss the kernel of your truth.
Beyond that, the most simple advice is the best that I think you can hope for here. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself, deeply. What do you need right now? To eat, to sleep, drink water, go for a run? Listen to those needs and act on them before anything else.
Good luck. You only have one life. Make it the best you can.
Don't fear emotional or physical pain. Letting yourself experience it and accepting it as a normal part of life will help you be more present and enjoy the considerably more numerous good parts of life.
Try to always remember that bad things must exist so that good things can exist. Without bad things, we cannot have good things. This is called duality or inter-being in Buddhism.
Take water as one example. It causes trees to grow that we use to build our houses, but it can also cause wood to rot and decay. Water gives life, but it also takes it away. If rot and decay were to disappear, we could not have solid wood to use and enjoy. We can replace rotting wood and rebuild houses when they decay.
Everything will be OK. Both good and bad things are part of life. They need each other.
I think some of the advice here is quite good, but especially given the title of your question, someone has to point out that there's literally a book on the subject called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," by Dale Carnegie.
It's a good book. It probably won't solve all your problems without you needing to do some inner work, and I generally recommend meditation as a way to find peace, but also you should read the book since it directly answers your question :)
While there may be some good life wisdom dispensed in this thread, honestly I think it will all amount to armchair psychology. I think some individual therapy may go much further here. Have you been to one to specifically talk about this? If not, start there.
This could be a mindset thing, or it also could be a specific to a diagnosis that may be helpful to have to better understand yourself. A qualified therapist will be able to help you figure that out.
therapy is the thing that will help you.
Also medication can help. Taking anxiety medication felt like turning off a switch that controlled an alarm siren in my brain. Some people are opposed to medication, and to them I say: grow up. Talk to a doctor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYi5aW1GdUU
take everyday as it comes.
You will miss out, something bad is going to happened.
The aim is to enjoy life while you still got it.
Try to go out and enjoy the little things of life, a chat with a friend/family, a hot drink, a nice shower, a sunrise!
Hope you get to feel better
1) You are. You only get one life and you’ll miss the vast majority of possible experiences.
2) It will. Either you will die an early death, which many would consider bad, or you will live long enough for other bad things to happen.
3) For me, Christianity solved for this. I was an agnostic for over three decades and for various reasons, mostly metaphysical, I became convinced of the necessity of a nonmaterial dimension to reality. I live my life with joy and gratitude in my heart every day. Obviously I think that’s the best path otherwise I wouldn’t follow it. But whatever your conscience and intellect might lead you to, you should ask yourself how your beliefs are shaping your life experience. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.
There are of course many other more or less effective paths to take, ranging from Epicureanism to Stoicism and many more besides. At the end of the day though you either believe some higher power gives your life meaning or it’s on you to give your life meaning.
For what it’s worth procreating makes most of this seem ridiculously childish and irrelevant, but I think one had best sort oneself out before doing that.
The go-to book for this problem is "The Worry Cure" by Robert Leahy. The book starts out by explaining why many popular methods for fighting worry are actually ineffective or counterproductive - for example, trying to assure yourself that the thing you worry about will most likely not happen. There's a better way, and it is explained through a series of simple exercises in the style of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy).
I first read it ten years ago, and I still use the tools on a weekly basis. Changed my life, and the lifes of two other people I gifted the book to.
You can get a gist of his method in this podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/da/podcasts/the-aict-cognitive/d...
How about taking an everlasting perspective? Ancient wisdom provides us with a healthy perspective on how irreversible all the motion of the cosmos is. And our place in it can be significant in relation to it by informing it with motion which continues on its endless flow.
Point being: create art, which obligates one to develop an inner-confidence in one's own truth. That sense of irrevocable pride can provide one with a sense of certainty in the outcome of one's fate in life. Oh, and it will make one feel good in the process. Because art requires a communal, social, outreach in order for it to create a positive response in other people's lives, their own hidden truths which have just as much significance as yours and are being impacted by a world which is otherwise imperceptible to them - namely your own. :)
How much time are you on social media? Reading the news? Do less of that, delete the apps. Chances are, you'll find yourself going to check them several times a day if not several times an hour.
Read The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great?
http://amzn.to/1GmFRvX
few things.. How is your sleep, diet and exercise?
Have you done any therapy? sounds like you could really benefit from CBT to help you deal with catastrophizing..
"Catastrophizing is a way of thinking called a 'cognitive distortion. ' A person who catastrophizes usually sees an unfavorable outcome to an event and then decides that if this outcome does happen, the results will be a disaster."
CBT can help you understand how to get out of such negative feedback cycles in your own head.
Drink more. Or whatever intoxicant works best to make you give less fucks and is least likely to drag you into a downward spiral of addiction.
This constant worry may also be a symptom of some kind of anxiety disorder, which has its own calvacade of legal psychoactive chemicals with their own sets of side effects and problems you could look into getting someone to prescribe to you.
Look to Jesus. What is going on can’t be defused by purely physical responses. There are deeper things at play.
Spend lots of time looking after others without seeking reward for yourself. Then there will be love in your life, and happiness will inevitably follow. Happy people are beautiful and easily loved, so you'll be doing yourself the most wonderful service by giving yourself to others.
what's your caffeine intake? can try cutting out stimulants if you're using them every day
1. It is impossible to keep up with everything.
2. Probably, but you can only work with what you've got.
3. Work on being comfortable in your own mind, and make a home that reflects your mind, then you will be comfortable in your own body. In that state, your existence is self-explanatory.
Play sports. Visit the countryside.
Check out Victor Frankel's "Man's search for meaning". His story is inspiring and he invented logotherapy which has had a prominent roll in depression therapy for decades now. It gets at the heart of the question "why live?"
Do you take care of your body? Exercise and diet are critical for emotional well being.
See a therapist. (you might need to shop around, finding the right fit can be hard)
Get offline. No news, no social media.
Read old books. The older the better.
Exercise strenuously and regularly. Sweat. The best exercize is the one you do regularly.
Talk to a therapist? And try talking with a couple to see which one is a good fit for you.
And you're not alone, this has felt like a pretty stressful time to me, and I've been around for a while.
Religion helps to trust and have faith and live a meaningful live.
It's hard to answer the question without more details about your life. Married? Age? Hobbies? Job? Also, what have you tried in the past that didn't work?
you are not alone, many of us has the same thoughts. One way that I can think of is read as many books as possible, it will definitely help to alter the way of thinking. Also, we need to change with time, our priorities changes over time, to be happy we don't need something fancy, we can be happy with what we have where we are as it is a choice.
You may want to consider seeing a therapist. They can help address all three (and more) of those concerns.
Check out “Get Out of your Mind and Into Your Life”. Helped me immeasurably.