HACKER Q&A
📣 readonthegoapp

Have you ever taken a 'How Not To Be a Jerk' training class at work?


This, I guess, would be pretty close to, or inclusive of, any anti-sex/whatever harassment training.

In this case, though, it would actually include training on how to do things like:

  - how to ask again/remind someone of something they said they were going to do for you but have not yet
  - how to communicate non-violently -- e.g. you would learn _not_ to say things like i heard a jerky coworker tell others repeatedly in the not too distant past, "I already told you yesterday, blah blah blah".
  - the appropriate way to deal with situations when they're going sideways -- i.e. remain polite, at a minimum, e.g. another recent experience had a co-worker basically going off on a customer because the co-worker was impatient and incompetent.
Lots of thoughts behind this, but a couple are:

  - people don't know how to act *even when* they want to act correctly. the world is complicated, we don't all grow up in the same cultures, same happy/broken homes, etc.
  - postive reinforcement in small drips/snippets, say, at the beginning of each day, can help not only train people properly, but also actually improve behavior
  - this type of training _could_ greatly reduce worker suffering, whether at the hands of managers or non-manager co-workers

There are a few ideas here, but that's the gist of it. It's like morality training for the workplace.

I think a lot of the School of Life site/store/school/whatever:

https://www.theschooloflife.com/

I think of them a lot because I often think to myself, 'man -- we need a school of _life_ or something'.

And then i look them up again and see how they're doing some of the things i think are cool, and some that are less than.

but in these times of civil society breakdown, i feel like this type of training could 'help the centre hold' -- in this case, the centre of the company, or a single worker's professional and/or personal life (as affected by what's happening at work).

so, maybe you're about to tell a co-worker to f-off, but...your 'keepin it real' morality lesson this morning told you how to deal with bottled up frustration -- e.g. go chill, take some time, wait until tomorrow to ask/say/do anything, ask co-worker if you can chat over coffee in the breakroom, break out the non-violence communication skills, talk it over, etc.

Benefits would in theory accrue to company bottom lines, worker happiness/satisfaction/dignity, etc.


  👤 afarrell Accepted Answer ✓
This would be described as “how to communicate and lead more effectively” and yep, such courses are occasionally available.

If you find yourself advocating this, that tells me that either:

A. You’ve observed someone else needs these skills —- in which case you probably would be more effective by being direct and using NVC to talk to the other person or their manager.

B. You’ve noticed yourself lacking these skills —- in which case I encourage you to do yourself the awkward kindness of admitting your shortcomings to yourself and asking your boss if you’d get reimbursed for such a personal development course.

C. You’ve observed general culture problems at your company…which I have no good advice on how to handle as an IC. You can either change your team or change teams.

D. You enjoy talking about this sort of thing, in which case I encourage you to dive into it because it is fascinating. Google “clean language questions”.


👤 4x5-Guy
Not a class per se, but a former company I worked at was trying to get the technical staff working closer to the business side a little better. There were several books we were asked to read. Dale Carnegies, "How to make Friends and Influence People" was one of them, along with a few others. Since I read a lot, and they were going to let me do it on company time, I gladly did it. Then we had to discuss them with our manager on our one on ones.

It made me look at my behavior a little bit closer, but a lot of that book was BS from what I remember...


👤 jschveibinz
> but in these times of civil society breakdown…

A few weeks ago, I would have generally agreed with this statement. But I have just driven across the US and visited a dozen or more different towns—-big and small—-along the way.

Everywhere I’ve been, people have been kind, generous, well-behaved, mannerly and law-abiding.

I now believe based on this experience that the sensationalism I am being fed in the media is negatively affecting my view of society.

Perhaps your course or workshop could include some real-world experience with real people acting civilly and productively.


👤 raxxorrax
> but in these times of civil society breakdown

My favorite times!

I don't think corporate etiquette should be sold as "not being a jerk", nor would it help a dying society. A professional elevates the needs of the customer above his own. In other forms of interpersonal conduct that is not recommended.

Otherwise, sure. But I believe that a lot of people would be more repelled if conduct is formalized into rules (See the COC wars). It is a form of artificial rule set in favor of something larger, mostly the interests of the respective company.