Is there a simple online medical diagnosis tool?

I want to just plug in a bunch of symptoms, maybe like a Todo-style checklist, one symptom per line, and then say, 'Tell me what I have, doc'.

e.g.

  - persistent cough
  - birth of daughter last year
  - cracked rib
  - cough getting worse
  - hurts to breath
  - excruciating to cough
  - pain worse on right
  - achy body
  - stiff joints
  - pain in ears when i wear a hat
  - pain when I sleep on my side
  - nose gets sore when i wear sunglasses

I suspect it does not exist or cannot be found because:

  - it's illegal
  - AMA sued whoever tried it
  - it just can't be found, b/c of spam sites
  - it exists but you need to be a professional researcher/doctor/etc. to gain access.

I will post the actual diagnosis tomorrow. This is not me, this is from the internet. A google will find it if you're curious.