I’m generally handsome (afaict), fit, basically happy enough, in therapy, have decent luck with dating, on senior staff at Google if that helps (i.e. financially secure and with good benefits for trans matters at work). But have struggled deeply with this question and sexually my gender seems to get in the way of my ability to connect physically.
I’m asking HN as it tends to be a curious, yet skeptical and sometimes rigorous community.
My question is: how can I know if this is the right decision for me? Are there good ways of “prototyping” this decision? Is there any great scientific research that is good at predicting outcomes (i.e. whether transitioning improves quality of life or not)?
Thanks so much. Anonymous account for privacy, but a long time poster.
You need to get professional help from people who handle gender specifically. If I were you, I would get a referral from someone you trust.
You should get that help because getting this identity stuff wrong will come with serious consequences one cannot come back from.
You run the very real risk of having to cope with worse than you do now. And while the matter seems minor the way you present, it just may not be.
One other thing:
Fact is a whole lot of people, myself included, want you to be you! Living a lie sucks man. No judgement here. People should be able to present as who they are period.
Fact also is the numbers on that are not great. Some parts of the world are better than others. Same goes for the town or city you live in too. Be careful.
The answer to your question is generally yes! And self discovery is fun!
Doing that yourself with gender in question is high risk.
Doing that under professional guidance is much lower risk.
The people I know, who got this right, are happier, confident, and just are where they were putting on a show of sorts before.
I say get that help. Go figure out what you need to be you and live well and full.
However I don't even remotely understand what you're going through emotionally/mentally well enough help you on a personal level and I don't understand the physiology and medical implications of transitioning.
However, I truly hope you figure out what makes you happy and wish you the best of luck.
> how can I know if this is the right decision for me?
I cannot offer you a solution. But I can offer you an angle.
Under what circumstances would you decide to emigrate to a country you know very little about?
If you are like me, the answer is clear: Only, if life at your present location is unbearable and is likely to get worse in future.
You may want to think whether or not this analogy applies here. That is, ask yourself:
1. Are you totally, completely miserable in your current state and with your current gender? (I am not talking about mood swings that all of us experience.)
2. If the answer to question 1 is yes, are there reasons for your misery other than gender dysphoria?
I've only read a bit on the topic (I had a trans ex-co-worker who was an activist and I was curious about the movement) and I am not an expert by any means, but AFAIK, you specifically should talk to your doctor to rule out autogynefilia because my understanding is that hormone therapy affects libido and could be counterproductive to your actual goals if that's the underlying motivation.
As for "prototyping", I think dressing as a female in public (either full time or just socially), make-up and laser hair removal are common ways to approach it.