If I am motivated and the task/project/product is fun I throw myself into it but that isn't sustainable. I've read a few of these posts from people at FAANG doing almost the same so I don't really feel bad about it. I'm just wondering how wide-spread this is. One of my theories for this behavior is that this is related to 40+ hour work weeks. I think I'd be able to get my devopsy work done in ~3 hours/day if I manage my time well and schedule most meetings on Mondays.
I was diagnosed at 33, and it changed my life infinitely for the better. YMMV, and you may not have ADHD, but if you do, it is nothing to feel guilty about - it, in fact, gives you some insanely useful abilities that others simply don't have, as evidenced by the number of comments on this post explaining you have no guilt to feel, and your positive performance reviews.
But being able to understand why we do these things, and being able to understand how to adjust for them (whether through medication or coping mechanisms) is, alone, insanely relieving.
Consider picking up 'Driven to Distraction,' or 'Delivered From Distraction,' or check out these posts by Mark Suster which was what led me to get started on the path:
* https://bothsidesofthetable.com/how-to-know-if-you-have-add-...
* https://bothsidesofthetable.com/why-add-might-actually-benef...
* https://bothsidesofthetable.com/developing-an-action-plan-fo...
Plus, those other things you're doing sound like they overall, in the long-term, probably give you a wider range of knowledge, improving your usefulness.
Just wanted to add a voice against that sort of Taylorism perspective on work.
When I'm working on a personal project I'm really passionate about, my productivity is literally orders of magnitude higher than at any day job I've had. Months or years are compressed into days.
For any ambitious personal project that I'm intrinsically motivated by, I'm working on it and designing it pretty much every free moment I have. It's actually crazy to me how much I can get done if there's absolutely zero "ugh field" [1] inhibiting me. It doesn't feel like work at all. I'd happily take 20% of my current salary if it meant I could do that all day instead.
Even if it's stressful and even if I might fail miserably, I think life should be lived. If there's even the tiniest sliver of a chance that I could support myself just doing something like that, I know I'd be much happier. And if turning such a thing into a job or organization sucks the fun out of it, then I'll just keep trying again and again until I can find a project with a sufficiently viable enjoyment:financial stability ratio.
[1] https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/EFQ3F6kmt4WHXRqik/ugh-fields (Regarding the author's username: yes, it's that one.)
I'm not suddenly working 40+ hours always in the zone. What has happened is that I've been better able to enjoy/engage with coworkers around helping them. Instead of feeling stuck and anxious, it's been easier to feel at ease at work and less fixated on metrics or usefulness. That engagement with my coworkers coupled with lowering how much effort was needed to do work that was previously seen as "busy" work has done wonders for my outlook about work.
In my case the benefit/problem of hyperfixation due to ADHD meant that when I had an interesting bit of work in front of me I could knock it out the park and it didn't feel like any effort. Those infrequent home runs were enough to make up for the times where I just couldn't be bothered to do other less interesting things. Didn't want to do them and because no one was asking me to do them it was ok that I didn't. Deep down I knew I was overcompensating in my strong areas to avoid the uninteresting items. This may not be you but if it is you may want to think on it. It's helped me outside of work as well. Parenting and dating.
Being competent (top 20%) and working 3hrs / day is way more productive than a middle performer working 12 hrs / day.
In my personal experience:
I work with people that, in 5 minutes, I can accomplish more than they can in a day. And those people are not stupid / unmotivated.
I also work with people that, in 5 minutes, can accomplish more than I can in a day. I'm not stupid, or unmotivated.
Some people are just more experienced, have better judgement, are smarter etc.
Output is what counts, not time.
[0] https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/in-an-8-hour-day-the-aver...
Before that I had worked at least 6 hours a day. And I assumed that to be "right" i should be working at least 8.
From the feedback I got, I wasn't much more productive working more hours. At first I felt guilty and then I realized in my career that working harder isn't going to make any difference in terms of $, career security, or opportunity to work on cooler stuff. So, I just upped my anxiety meds and got back to working 2 hours a day.
Management tends to set a bar for effort based on how hard our peers work. In a competitive environment this can lead to an ugly race to burnout. By straining to meet expectations, devs inadvertently increase the pressure on each other to perform - higher and higher - to the point that 60+hr weeks are normalized.
By doing the minimum, you're pushing back against that and helping to keep the bar in a reasonable place. It is really a favor to other developers (and in many cases to the company, since burnout can destroy whole projects in the end).
Jobs like these are a warm and cozy trap. If you're spending time reading blogs you may not be spending your time in a way you can look back on with pride. Time is your ultimate limited resource and the one thing you will regret not spending more wisely.
Depending on your risk tolerance I recommend:
1. Quit, start a company of your own.
2. Quit, get one or more remote jobs.
3. Work on open source during work time.
4. Volunteer for something that benefits you and uses your time better (e.g. running training sessions on tech you know / want to know)
5. Reduce your life costs, accumulate money, retire early (FIRE)
Yes, I currently for the lack of a better definition coast at my job. I work maybe 20hrs a week and get paid the full degree, increased hours a bit to still get a raise after my last review.
This is okay to heal and get back to normal, but will undoubtably stagnate your motivation, mental health and career advancement long-term.
I'm probably going to leave this current job (since perception of my velocity is now set in stone) take a 2-3 weeks off and then start interviewing for a job with better pay.
The way I see it, I'm just gaming the system to maximize my efficiency with a large bias for recovering my mental health. This is why companies are scared of work from home long term ;)
You’re just a living sign that we could work 3 hours a day and still create good value, and that our attempts at maximum efficiency isn’t actually working.
If you have any interest, consider trying management? A lazy manager is a good manager, in the same long-term sense as a lazy developer is a good developer. Knowing what the real priorities are despite the bluster is a key manager skill. Nothing more wasteful than putting in tons of hours on a project that sounds important but ultimately isn't to the stakeholders that run the company, and the best managers have an incredible ability to read between the lines and predict what will end up mattering, and prioritize their own teams work accordingly.
1. Do you find yourself avoiding work you don't want to do outside of the job? 2. Was this a problem in school? 3. Have you talked to a doctor about this?
Number three is the most important. I have ADHD, and it sounds like you might too. Go see your doctor as soon as you can. Once you know what's going on, you can make yourself a plan to improve yourself.
One thing that works for me is pair programming, but I can't do that every day because it is so exhausting.
I work as a dev now, but worked as a gas station clerk for 6 years starting at the age of 16. If I came in for an 8 hour shift, I honestly think 7 of it was spent doing 'work'. I would have to pretend to go to the bathroom for a #2 just to get a 5 minute breather(and thats not to say the environment was oppressive, but the work standard was high and we felt valued at the company).
Focus on you. Don't look at the other animals in the cage to try and measure yourself.
I had a slack job for my mid career when I should have been busting my ass and positioning myself for my later career. I wasted tons of time and regret it. You may have ADHD. You may just be lacking self discipline. I don't know. You should get your shit together now when you have the option and not wait for life circumstances to demand it.
It's not about what you owe the company. It's about what you owe yourself.
From my perspective, as long as you're not holding anyone back, I think you're doing a decent job of modulating your energy for moments when you need it, as opposed to marathon running all day long.
What you don't want to find yourself in was my system administration job. At first there was plenty to do, my manager had me keep a log, so if a problem re-arose I could solve it more quickly. I did that, and things were good. After a few years, I'd done such a good job that I had a lot of slack time. There were some changes I wanted to make to the database, so I built a prototype of a new system that would have made things a lot better for everyone, and the production manager wouldn't even TRY it. I did this three different times before I finally gave up.
For the last few years, I showed up, jumped on any problem that arose, and waiting for quitting time, all the while knowing that I wasn't really delivering much value (other than absorbing uncertainty as far as the computers were concerned). Eventually economics caught up, and they outsourced the job.
You've got a steady flow of work... you'll be fine.
I expect that if you forced yourself to slack less and do more hours of "real work", you would get less done in more time, and with degraded quality.
If you can change your perspective and feel less guilty, I recommend you keep doing what you do for both your sake and your employer's. It's a long term win-win.
The trick, I've found, is to either find ways to enjoy what you're working on if you don't enjoy it. For example, gamifying it or finding some other challenge in it. Or try to insist on specialising on what you do enjoy working on more.
Read the following as well (if, of course you haven't already): - Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - Deep Work by Cal Newport - Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey
Oh, and don't beat yourself up for not feeling 100% productive or enthusiastic all the time. Most of this expectation is a tech culture thing and it's just silly. Most jobs don't expect this, most jobs people assume you're sat around talking and eating biscuits several hours a day. Our brains aren't designed to work in well defined, lengthy chunks of time, it's absurd we expect that.
As a few others haven't mentioned as well, it's worth getting screened for ADHD if you haven't already, the meds can really really help. They were a revelation for me anyway.
It is a way of life at FAANG, Uber, etc.
Don’t feel guilty. These companies will eventually realize they need to change, or perhaps they are okay with it.
---
> Church members seek to acquire Slack and believe it will allow them the free, comfortable life (without hard work or responsibility) they claim as an entitlement.
> Sex and the avoidance of work are taught as two key ways to gain Slack.
> Davidoff believes that Slack is "the ability to effortlessly achieve your goals". Cusack states that the Church's description of Slack as ineffable recalls the way that Tao is described, and Kirby calls Slack a "unique magical system".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius#Conspi...
---
> Unlike those Christians and their tirades about Original Sin, The Church teaches us that all of us, humans and SubGenii alike, are born with Original Slack. As part of their mission to suppress and subjugate the SubGenii, The Conspiracy starts stealing your Slack from the day you are born.
[1] https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.24.2.254.6...
[2] https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/0003-066X.40....
My solution was to just switch jobs and take a pay cut. I work a lot less now (with the same kind of arrangement), but I feel a lot less guilty about spending chunks of my time on my own thing.
Relevant pg essay, under the 'working harder' heading: http://www.paulgraham.com/wealth.html?viewfullsite=1
Things work differently in 21st century highly intellectual job. Doing that is a straight recipe for burnout.
I'm the kind of person who typically overly engages in every job but I'm tired full time as a result. I actually think I need to work less (but be better organized).
Some ideas:
* Can you do a rotation on a different team? (For example, if you're devops, you might learn a lot on SRE/ops.)
* Can you start side projects at work, for work?
I've come to the conclusion that I am usually as productive/more productive than those around me and I tend to think it is _because_ of the way I work rather than in spite of it. When I do sit and do some work I am less stressed and can use a couple hours of motivation to knock out a days work in 2-3 hours usually in the morning. The rest of the day might be meetings/exercise/reading/social media/youtube and perhaps an additional 30-60min of work.
Ultimately I've found that the reason not to "slack" so much is less because I am not productive enough and more because when slacking I often lean on high dopamine activites like social media/youtube etc. that ultimately make me less happy than being with friends/going for a walk/learning something new.
I will also say I have done the "grind" for months at a time and looking back I know that I would have gotten the same amount of real work done at my current pace. The issue is the added stress makes it harder for me to think, I often end up working on the wrong problem as I am trying to move too quickly, and having too many pending tasks makes it harder to make decisions/prioritize.
I've also worked with those that grind and I've noticed they don't always work on high priority tasks. Often they are too focused on grinding they might not be able to step back and realize they could use their time better.
I know people who "waste" a huge amount of their time talking to people in the office and probably do less than ~3 of real work a day. They also distract others. But they would call that team building.
This gives me wiggle room, working from home I'll take a longer break at lunch, going for a walk after eating and I like to read up on tech news etc as well.
I wouldn't say I do the bare minimum, but I also have a strong sense of not letting people down.
That being said I'm quitting my job as I'm not super motivated by the work and have a side project that I get joy out of every time I touch it.
One thing to think about in terms of slacking off is what you're getting besides money in terms of the work you're doing. I suspect that if you aren't getting much personal growth from the work then it's easy to see how you'd be unmotivated to put in more than the bare minimum. In which case you might want to change job / project etc and work on something you feel will allow you to grow.
Are you sure you're in the right career? Maybe there's something else that you'd be good at and actually interested in?
I've found myself in this sort of situation a few times, and every time it's been due to either me picking up a job for the wrong reasons, or the job just not being a good fit to begin with. I'm not saying this is the case for you necessarily, but you should probably think about it a little bit, and if it is, find something more stimulating to do. Unless, of course, you find the situation you're in acceptable to you.
I was similarly surprised by hearing great things about me and how fast things get done (man, I did 10x the work for my own startup in the same time), but I think it boils down more to interpersonal skills, chatting on slack and showing my knowledge, solving problems quickly in the presence of others. People's feedback is not a good metric to estimate how much work gets done.
At the same time I can work hours straight with no distraction if I enjoy the problem or if I'm working on my business.
I can really pump out code with my own projects but doing the same to finish a bunch of nameless JIRA tickets isn't really the same. What do I get for providing some corporation more value? A pat on the shoulder? Hah.
A hyper motivated developers who starts lots of projects and don't finish them, or who writes buggy code, or who creates social problems in the team, will raise more red flags than a "slow but consistent developer".
I started doing that a couple years ago. I'd scout and talk to people about what they needed. Eventually we'd find a project that was worth working on.
It's gone really well. I was okayed to basically choose what I worked on after a while, so that made work more fun. And your employer may recognize that and reward it.
But: Turning it back to you: how is that working out for you? The title of your post — "feeling guilty" — may be telling you something. Either do it and enjoy it or don't.
You can be a genius "slacker". If that's fulfilling for you, great. Otherwise, focus on what you want to be getting out of the situation and not on the guilt.
Worried? Maybe. Deliberately positioning oneself as a C- (bare minimum) performer might work OK in a time of plenty.
What happens when your skills and endurance have atrophied, but the pressure is actually on?
I call folks like you "the expendables". It's a job with a purpose and I appreciate your sacrifice.
That five hours a day of paid time off is the profit you earn for doing a good job. It is up to you to efficiently reallocate those resources as demanded by CAPITALISM because the company is unable to.
> reading blog posts, HN, often even reading (tech, biz-related) books
You will gain knowledge from doing those things, that will aid you in your job. Technically demanding roles require constant learning, not just bums-on-seats bashing out code.
You say you're feeling guilty but you also say "I don't really feel bad about it". Which is it?
127.0.0.1 arstechnica.com
#127.0.0.1 news.ycombinator.com
127.0.0.1 reuters.com
127.0.0.1 techcrunch.com
127.0.0.1 slashdot.org
127.0.0.1 www.youtube.com
127.0.0.1 youtube.com
Do not worry about it. It's not your job to worry about it.
If you want to work more, then get paid more.
Maybe the theory you should post instead of an excuse is that you are lazy and the skill you perfected is hiding that you don't do anything.