I am in the later half of an adventurous and successful career. I continue to grow, have a long-term stable marriage, good savings, great life. I went to my therapist to handle a lingering family issue and now we've come up to the ADHD talk.
They want to run neurological tests, said I'm 'twice exceptional' and I see this as an expensive and time consuming diversion of my goals. I do admit that there is some validity in the idea, I do see symptoms, but how would this help me at this point in my life?
Anecdotally, I've seen a huge uptick in posts of the format "how an ADHD diagnosis changed my life" on Reddit, TikTok, HN, etc. Talk to your doctor about your issues and concerns but don't forget the incentives of pharma companies to push these drugs on as many people as possible.
I just turned 40 and I never thought I had ADHD until recently. Before I just thought my lack of attention on things was just the price of being a 10X on productivity (and I was a little arrogant because of it).
The reality was that I chose to put my time on tasks that I found interesting and engaging and when that choice was not available, I would feel anxious, stuck and totally unfocused. Still, I thought that was just normal procrastination that everybody goes through.
Some changes in my life and goals limited my time to act and required me to be more focused, but instead of getting into action I got more stuck than ever and very anxious as the deadlines got closer and got missed.
Treating my ADHD helped me change my relationships for better and widened the possibilites in my work and I would recommend to anybody in the same situation.
I can also if not properly focus on tasks at least force myself to finish whatever I'm working on before wandering off. I'm going to give it another week then ask for a bump on the dosage to see if that helps that one
Negatives:
Sweating a bunch, especially at night. Then again we are just about cruising into summer and in my old place I had aircon so that might be unrelated, but it is a possible side effect.
Appetite seems to have taken a hit too. While I am fully for that (I could lose a bit of weight no bother) I will keep an eye on it
Due to covid restrictions I've not been seen for talky therapy or anything yet, this is purely medicinal treatment currently but it's been a MASSIVE positive move for me
- Slept better. No more tossing and turning for an hour or two before I fell asleep.
- Ate more regularly. My stomach starts to hurt if I wait too long between meals.
- Remembered people's names when meeting them, at least to the point where I could say it again after they introduced themselves and started talking.
- More realistic outlook. Things aren't perfect and they aren't the worst, they just either kind of suck for now or this is a good moment.
- No longer have to make a giant mental effort to get something done on the weekend. If I want to read a book, I read it. If I want to play video games, I play them. If I want to clean the house, I clean the house.
- No longer a giant mental effort to get something done at work. Need to send an email? Send it. Need to annotate some data? Annotate it. Need to schedule a meeting? Schedule it.
After my diagnosis, I felt like ADHD became my superpower. I know how to play to my strengths rather than my weaknesses. I know if I have an interest in something, I can dive into it and produce great output, and for tasks that need doing which aren’t interesting, I have coping mechanisms and medication if necessary.
Emotional stability. My girlfriend had massive ups and downs, almost bipolar; the medication (slow release, concerta or its cheaper but equivalent alternative) evened things out. I have a friend who doesn't want the diagnosis or treatment because he's fine with it, and you can tell he struggles with keeping his emotions under control. He mainly gets really frustrated and loses his patience if things aren't going as fast as he wants to.
The other one is getting overwhelmed and/or having meltdowns, because one comorbidity of ADHD is sensory processing disorder. It's things like grocery stores with music and children screaming that can get too much.
Another one is things being "loud / busy" in your head, maddeningly so. I've heard that taking the meds quiets things down, and it's a relief.
Anyway, a diagnosis won't hurt, it'll improve your self-awareness. You won't be forced to take medication or anything if you don't want to. A diagnosis is usually a questionnaire and a "take this ritalin and tell me how you feel in a bit".
I recall the computer based testing before and after the short-term dose of Ritalin. The graph of my body movement and failure rate - I became normal. I could do the task and it wasn't hell under Methlyphenidate. I was relaxed.
On the downside - the change in my behaviour and my ability to be more independent with administration etc. caused my partner and I to separate. My change was too much for her. It makes me sad, however I was an utter pain-in-the-ass for her the way I was. My invoicing and personal accounts were always such a mess, but now I can do these things myself. I'm next-level organised compared to how I was before.
My core work as a strategist / developer has also improved remarkably. I don't rush in and make stupid moves so much these days - and I find myself taking the time to understand things I never had the patience to understand.
In short, I feel like I've been living my life on hard-level my entire life. At 45 everything changed. It's just a shame I wasn't diagnosed earlier, but I didn't believe ADHD was actually a valid disorder.
ADHD can be harmful and comes with a bunch of comorbidities that can also develop later in life. If you have trouble listening, tend to hyperfocus on things but also emotional states, etc. I recommend going forward with a diagnosis.
[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27495535 [1] https://www.raptitude.com/2021/03/what-raptitude-has-always-...
I went from always being clouds in the sky, never finish any project, always in my head, wasting days away on social media, both kind and loud and inconsiderate, and seriously depressed, to somebody I can face in the mirror.
It's not a cure all and it took a lot of counselling and some time to find the right medication but it turned my life 180 degrees.
I no longer feel like all my dreams are running through my fingers, and that every new endeavour I start will end in failure. I have much better personal relationships, and am a much better listener with the same kindness I had before.
I've learned to appreciate things that I never thought I could appreciate before. Working on a project for an extended period of time with progress so small you barely see it, and then realising how much you've accomplished over a long timeframe is such a rewarding experience. Before I couldn't study, either I was immediately gifted at something or I just couldn't bring myself to invest time into it. Simple things like, being able to read without getting bored or distracted by every little breeze, or not spending every night coding because you didn't get stuff done during the day and feel like you have to make up for it, is just nice.
Don't fear medication, there's so much stigma around it, but it helps more than anything else. If you got an inflamed thumb you also get antibiotics. The ones I tried first were making me emotionally very detached, but me and my doctor tried around a bit and found something that works really well, it's part of the journey.
Without the meds I feel like a prisoner in my own head. With them I still suck at cleaning my place, I still talk over people when I'm excited, and I still procrastinate regularly, but at least I got enough of a fighting chance to feel like I'm in charge of my life and no longer feel like a leaf in the wind.
If you believe you have ADHD, and your therapist believes you have ADHD, BUT your life isn't negatively impacted by it, why start treatment now?
Ask yourself if you have any negative impacts from ADHD. Ask your spouse. Personal relationships, professional work, all aspects. If the answer is no, then why bother?
Source: ADHD treatments that left me a zombie when all I really needed was therapy and help to figure out realistic, functional coping mechanisms.
I currently only use my meds (specifinally, Vyvanse) once per week, because I don't love the side effects and I can manage fine without most of the time. On that one day per week, I do everything that my brain chemistry usually makes difficult, which is mostly paperwork and cleaning.
The difference it's made is HUGE. I went through a whole grieving process when I realized how much easier I could've had it all along. I can sit down, spend four hours doing my taxes, and then be done (and then realize the bathroom needs cleaning, and also do that), instead of sitting down, getting a snack, doing ten minutes of taxes, cuddling with the cat, starting a conversation, going on hacker news, doing ten minutes of taxes, going on hacker news, and finally finishing the taxes ten hours later at a quarter to midnight.
It's also made a huge difference to accept that some things are simply symptoms, and not signs that I'm a disorganized failure who'd too stupid to manage daily life. It's also helped to live with people who know and accept this about me, and who know that although I'm very good at managing my symptoms, sometimes things go wrong.
Yes, sometimes everyone is mildly inconvenienced because we were about to leave and now I have to go on a ten-minute WHERE IS MY WALLET tear through the house. It's fine! Sometimes, we're mildly inconvenienced because my girlfriend's insulin pumped is clogged and she needs to spend ten mins fussing with the catheter. These are things that happen when you have a chronic health condition, and no reason for anyone to get upset or berate anyone else. Accepting that has made me a much happier person.
I was a consistent grade D student in high school, I was that werido in class who everyone hated. In my final year my parents realizing I was not going to have a great future, decided to bring me to our doctor, I was prescribed Dexedrine for ADHD.
That Pill completely and utterly changed me in my final year, i could think clearly. I understood what was being said, it completely changed me. I suddenly decided to go to University for CS, forcing me to do a victory lap in high school. I was able to get into University on an amazing scholarship.
However the biggest thing was the few people who i was vaguely friends with me praised my 180 personality change, they liked being my friend.
I am now 36 years old taking the same dose of meds i have been for the last 20 years. It works for me, immensely. At the same time there is a huge stigma around ADHD medication. My ex hated the idea of me taking meds saying its big pharma pushing this, i don't need this, i just need exercise, etc. She changed her tune after she saw me not on my medication.
I know there are probably people out there that don't need this or abuse it. Sure, but that is true for almost everything.
When it comes to stimulant medication anecdotes, it's important to separate them by how long the person has been taking the medication. You'll get very different answers from people who have been taking stimulants for 1 month, 1 year, or 10 years. One of the side effects (key phrase: side effect) of the first few weeks or months of stimulant medication is a sense of euphoria and extra motivation. Be careful, because this effect fades with time.
In general, I'd recommend focusing on anecdotes from people who have been treated for at least 1 year or more, while taking any reports from someone who just started medication with a huge grain of salt. In particular, I'd recommend ignoring any reports from people who are taking excessively high doses of stimulants, dosing stimulants sporadically ("as needed" isn't standard practice), or who just started taking a stimulant medication. The realities of decades of prescription stimulant have pros and cons, which aren't apparent in the first few weeks or months.
Also beware that some psychiatrists greatly overdiagnose certain conditions. Unfortunately, some practitioners are known to overdiagnose their pet condition, from depression to ADHD to anxiety. If a practitioner is pushing you toward a diagnosis or treatment you don't feel comfortable with, don't hesitate to get a second opinion.
During college and my first job, I was constantly stressed and depressed from my terrible productivity. I couldn’t even bring myself to do things I wanted to do —- the only thing that mattered was the next dopamine hit. I made so many goals and failed every single one, and with each failure I blamed myself even more. The problem with having ADHD is that it causes you to procrastinate on getting the diagnosis in the first place! In the end, I had to accept that “just try harder” isn’t a valid strategy.
OP, I know my experience isn’t similar to yours at all, but just know that mental illness treatment almost always helps you reach your goals, and don’t procrastinate on it.
I very well know that my sample(ing method) could be wrong, it can be a coincidence, etc etc.
So my questions are:
* anyone else have similar experience in their friend circles?
* is there a higher number of ADHD diagnosis in tech / wealthy population? (considering that most of my American friends/colleagues are from tech, this would somewhat explain)
* do I miss something obvious? (e.g. maybe Europeans would never discuss their diagnosis with friends, etc.)
I took Ritalin for a brief period and it opened my eyes to different ways of seeing things. I actually believe in Ritalin more than adhd diagnoses. But it stopped being effective for me after a while, and same for most people i know. Also, side effects. But getting perspective helped me change certain behaviors which were causing problems for me.
But honestly, and this is very forward to say, I would stop seeing this therapist. I have had similar experiences to you, where I try to go to a therapist for one thing, and they send me down some other road entirely. This has never been helpful. Generally it has been destructive. Therapists are like everyone else, in that many of them aren’t that good. And just like how a bad mechanic can cost you money and ruin your car, so can a bad or even mediocre therapist screw up your life. Seriously. Don’t be pushed into some random diagnosis by some therapist who has some idea in their head.
I went to the therapist to ~figure out if~ confirm that I was on the Autism spectrum, and they pointed out that it sounded like there was some ADHD too, so it was something very unexpected for me. In hindsight, very obvious too.
It's been very insightful. On the more personal side, it's helped me understand a lot about my life and why so many things went they way they went. It's now clear that some teachers were _hinting_ the issue at my parents in school, but they never picked up on that.
On a more practical side, medication has helped a lot in focusing better and work and alike. However, it IS a tool, and you need to learn to use it. Having ADHD is like aiming your attention at things with a shotgun, and medication turns that into a sniper -- you can direct your focus very well, but it takes some training to learn _how_ to do that.
It's also important to balance it out. I take far less on the weekends since that helps wind down a lot.
I came across this youtube channel recently which is pretty interesting. It's always useful to hear how others have dealt with the same struggles: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-nPM1_kSZf91ZGkcgy_95Q
I was 'high-functioning', in much the same way as OP: stable marriage, successful career, not much savings but at least not in any debt.
But I also suffered from depression, anxiety, extreme procrastination, substance abuse, risky and impulsive behaviour.
Of course I saw psychiatrists, and they stopped listening the moment I said "depression" and prescribed the usual drugs, which did nothing for me. Luckily my 3rd psychiatrist listened a bit better and referred me for tests.
Since diagnosis I have started medication (methylphenidate/Ritalin, the only real option in the country I live in) my life has significantly improved. My procrastination is almost entirely gone (now maybe 4 hours a week "wasted" instead of 3+ days of being unable to do anything productive), my work performance is drastically improved, I'm losing weight (no longer dopamine-hunting with food), my wife says I'm doing more 'chores' and forgetting little things (spoon in the sink instead of the dishwasher) less often.
My depression and anxiety have disappeared. I still get overwhelmed in loud/busy environments. I still have emotional overreactions to small annoyances. I still forget things, and procrastinate a little. But the key thing is acceptance. I understand why these things are happening now, and that understanding makes them less hard to do live with.
Even if you don't start medication (and I suggest you do, it's provably incredibly effective for most cases) the biggest thing you can do is learn. You will be amazed for the first 6 months at least that such a massive amount of your life has truly been affected and so much of your 'unique personality' is shared with other ADHD adults.
My psychiatrist answered my same question "How can I have ADHD if my life is like this?" with "But how hard was it?". Success despite ADHD doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means you developed coping strategies for your deficiencies. And if you're in therapy for family issues then clearly those strategies are not working sufficiently.
Personally, my ritalin prescription makes me irritable so I take a reduced dose when I'm not actively working on things. My wife has told me that she prefers my personality when I don't take the medication.
Finally, and take this with a grain of salt because I'm not a doctor of any sort, but I don't think having ADHD is necessarily a problem, and is more a problem with how society expects people to spend their life sitting still and focusing on one thing all day.
I've found that adderrall, for me, has been very helpful and has not really produced any negative side-effects. I don't take it on the weekends and will skip a week or so every now and then, just to get a read on how I'm feeling without it.
One thing to keep in mind is to check your expectations. Normal stimulant dosing for treating ADHD is not going to make you limitless. Your mind will be able to stay more focused but you need to actively use that focus to start developing organizational frameworks that you can work within. Building these frameworks and habits and sticking to them was extremely difficult prior to medication but now that I have them, I find it much easier to skip the meds and still be able to be as productive as I want to be.
I would recommend you find someone who specializes in Adult ADHD, especially one that has experience dealing with otherwise competent professionals because they'll be able to help you make the most of your treatment.
Also, no matter how much you might beat yourself up over lot being able to live up to the standards you'd like, please be grateful for what you've accomplished even with your limits. Unfortunately a lot of people with untreated (and even treated) ADHD fall into vicious cycles of risky behavior and end up with crippling addictions to drugs, gambling, sex, and other dopamine-producing behaviors.
A coworker was talking about their kid’s diagnosis and mentioned a bunch of the things they checked for and a little light bulb went off like “maybe I really do have it?”
I did well in school, tested extremely high in everything, and the few times my IQ was tested it was quite high. I also spent a lot of time in the hallway at school because I was a disruptive pain in the ass. Impulse issues (not violent) like class clown type stuff. I was popular, was good at sports, and got good grades- had any of those things not been in my favor I likely would’ve been sent to an alternative high school due to disciplinary issues.
I managed to accidentally find many of the coping mechanisms they teach about by myself over the years: - EVERYTHING goes in the calendar - Everything has a place and ALWAYS goes there or it will not be found - I cannot over schedule my day, but I must have routines
After my formal diagnosis and months of therapy I reluctantly agreed to give a stimulant a try. I opted for one that is longer acting and takes longer to activate so as to avoid any “sped up” feelings.
It’s been amazing for me. We found the right dose fairly quickly, and I don’t even notice when it kicks in. Usually an hour or so after I take it.
It’s just like if a loud party was going on in your brain and you stepped outside and shut the door. All your competing thoughts quiet. I am so happy to have found it and it has allowed me to be more present and less internally anxious in most of life’s situations.
Could I live without it? Yep. I did for most of my life. Would it be as effect without all the work I did before? Maybe. I wouldn’t bet on it though.
My recommendation for anyone is basically this: the pills can do wonders but some day you won’t have them or can’t take them anymore. Make them the backup to the skills you’ll have for the rest of your life. Do the therapy, read the books, get the help. Then try the pill.
I was "gifted" in school growing up. I breezed through school ages 5-12 with ease but loathing homework. At 11, a teacher told my parent and I that I'm able to get great grades now by intellect, but when college comes I'll come to a reckoning unless I also learn to study and put in time to do the work.
Ages 13 - 20 were just a continuous slide down in academics. I spent all my time zoned into various MMORPG's, video games, and obsessed about an outdoor sport. Couldn't stay awake in class and never did any homework. But I'd manage to skirt out some A's on math and chemistry tests (learning on the fly), do some crucial projects at the last possible minute, midnight to 5am the night before, and managed to graduate with a 2.5 gpa (C's and B's).
When it came to college, it was the same until I realized I needed to get better grades to transfer to a real University, so I had one amazing year I got A's, got in, and then it was business as usual. Worst person at staying on top of homework in friend groups, constantly more distracted by video games, only completed C's by doing projects at the last absolute moment midnight to 5am.
At work, I'm constantly distracted by HN, and only get through projects by a sudden burst of sheer deadline fear at the end. I was falling behind and finally buckling, until I tried some Adderall secondhand. Suddenly I felt like I had X, Y, Z to do, and I spent my day going from X to Y to Z and couldn't believe how much I was getting done. Eventually I lost this source, used it 1/3 tapered down to little effect, and stopped, conflicted. Due to various reasons, I've burnt out and haven't been able to attempt any real work for 6 months, basically spending half my time on HN.
Guess I'm just hoping someone knowledgeable would be able to confidently tell me what's been going on. I probably need to see a psychologist.
I decided against medication for a few reasons, but to deal with it is a daily exercise. I have to put up guardrails or I can lose hours / day with distracted activity. I find it’s tightly correlated to how much time I spend on technology.
Meditation, prayer, down time from technology (physical news paper and Economist in the mornings) all help to start the day focused. I’m considering re-arranging the house to have a room dedicated to technology and everything else in the house be low-tech, higher quality forms of recreation (books, musical instruments, board games, etc). That will, in theory, allow me to put time boundaries on how often I’m around technology. Another big thing I did was stop drinking. I did an A/B test at the start of 2020 - 2 months not drinking followed by 4 months of drinking, and by June I decided I was done. I still taste different things if my wife has one or I’m making drinks for others, but haven’t had a full drink since last June. NA beers have been great.
Books that helped me: make time, essentialism, digital minimalism, (an extreme but easy read recommended on here) - “better off”
Part of my hesitancy for medicine was that I didn’t want it rooted in self-improvement / optimization. I think there was some burn out mixed in and I was looking for the next step to optimization with medicine. I figured it would be better to fix the system rather than over-optimize for what I was doing. If I can’t naturally deal with it, then maybe I shouldn’t be running that hard.
If I get two-three hours of focus now per day it’s great.
Perfect is the enemy of the good, and I am generally happy and see no need for that much optimization. If it was really impacting my work and life, I’d reconsider medicine.
I've been seen as gifted as a child so fit within the so-called twice exceptional criteria...
I don't regret getting diagnosed and having confirmation of it (I ran relatively extensive tests to confirm this which took 8 hours in total and cost me quite a bit).
In my case, it's been helpful because I'm moving more and more towards management and ADHD is sometimes detrimental to some of my new responsibilities. Knowing that I have ADHD and reading about resources to manage it has certainly been helpful.
I was prescribed Concerta which is helpful on some days when I need to work on things that are extremely boring and that I'd normally have a hard time doing. However, I take it less than 4 times a month, so extremely rarely. I have however noticed that I cannot take it on days when I am sleep deprived as it would cause me to become extremely sleepy.
She got her life together after starting treatment and can now handle a lot of responsibilities and a demanding job. It only helps me a little, and I still have trouble with motivation and self-discipline. She divorced me.
I find personally that it's much more comfortable working from home, and while there have been many 'blown days' due to lapses in discipline, I can have days where I crush it as well. Open plan office environments are like someone is jamming my brain with a microwave, I can't accomplish anything. High-walled cubicle environments are better but all it takes is someone with a smelly lunch or wheezy breath and I'm off track.
If you're inclined to not treat your ADHD with drugs, I think that's admirable. But IMO it's important to have a period of time in therapy where you don't hold back and really try to understand everything that's going on with you. There's a great answer to your question in one of my favorite podcasts [1]. The wife in that relationship was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and, similarly: recognized herself in a lot of the symptoms that she didn't actually think were typical of ADHD. She's now on medication (some of the time, I think), but just knowing that was an underlying condition helped her, her husband, and her family manage a lot of relationship problems better.
[1] https://www.nottheworstmarriage.com/episodes/mental-health-a...
I was diagnosed over a decade ago at the age of 19 and have been in treatment ever since. The changes as a result of getting medication and attending therapy have be profound and decidedly mixed. One thing I'm just going to say upfront is that if anyone reading this thread decides to seek treatment, please don't solely rely on medication. The medication allows your ADHD to become manageable, but crucially it does not manage it for you.
Good changes:
1) Social life immediately and greatly improved. I was able to hold my attention when talking to people. My tangents became less wandering and frequent. I had the focus to make plans and actually follow through with them. I texted people back (this alone was huge).
2) I lose things less often. Before starting treatment I was notorious among my family and peer group for losing things. I still lose things all the time, but now it's usually because I put something down in my house rather than losing things in public.
3) Improved physical health. The appetite suppressant aspect of stimulants play a role here, but I think the bigger thing here is less impulsive food choices. Because I just don't feel as hungry, I have to plan my meals better and so I eat healthier. It's also easier to stick to an exercise schedule.
4) I can sit still and be quiet. Looking back at my childhood, it should have been fairly obvious what was going on, but I believe the mindset was medication was only for kids with poor academic achievement. The scale of lost time has been personally frustrating, but I am grateful for not being put on medication when I was young child.
Bad Changes:
1) Massively increased libido. The stimulants can increase sex drive, but can also make orgasm more difficult while also sometimes making it more difficult to maintain an erection. While these last two can be frustrating on a personal level, the hyper sexuality can be quite destructive when not kept in check.
2) The hyper focus aspects of ADHD are now basically on all the time. Medication is less a guided missile and more a laser. Instead of taking it and 'magically' getting things done, your attention is now dialed into whatever you point it at. This can be extremely productive, or not. I have less 'lost days' than I did before seeking treatment but those days now have a greater intensity.
3) It can be easy to get into stimulant fueled cycles of self-destruction. I need to be very disciplined about getting enough food and sleep. The drugs make it easy to shrug off a night or two of little sleep. But using drugs to ignore my body leads to much worse ADHD symptoms then if I hadn't been taking the drugs at all.
4) There is a distinct difference in my personality on days when I take my drugs and days I do not; see Good Changes, point (1). This can be hard for other people, especially romantic partners, to deal with.
Overall I'm happy that I've pursued medication in combination with therapy. It has let me get a handle on my life, but anyone who says it's all good is not telling the truth.
During this time of getting my daughter tested and researching the subject I realized I have many of the same symptoms she does. My wife for years has thought I have ADD which I would casually brush off since I was (and am) a successful electrical engineer. But the WFH was a real struggle for me and my focus and I think I was able to mask it for years. So I went through a full neuro evaluation and it turns out I don't have ADHD just slow processing. I struggle to really dig in and get started on a task for longer than 10-20 minutes. So after talking with my doctor I started taking Amphetamine Salt (aka Adderall).
I do notice a difference on and off the drug. On it I can sit and focus for long stretches of time. It is not a "miracle drug." I still struggle at times with getting started on a task. It won't help the what do I work on first problem. But once that decision has been made I can sit and flat grind through stuff. I don't normally take it on the weekends.
The neuro eval was good to help me better understand my brain and why I do certain things and so it helps me know what to work on. I recommend getting it. Think of it like any other diagnostic tool that a Dr. has (ekg, colonoscopy, etc..) - it just gives you more information on your body.
File this under Know Thyself.
You may not actually need the professional diagnosis to confirm this hunch. Moving forward, assume it’s likely true.
Incidentally, Peter Shankman has an excellent podcast where he interviews people with ADHD from all walks of life. > https://www.fasterthannormal.com/a-special-love-w-shauna-dan...
Second, getting help. I got the most from HowToADHD YouTube Channel, the "Driven to Distraction" book, and conversations with friends having ADHD and working in tech (some other life situations are no that relevant).
Third, started taking Modafinil. It helps me a lot!
I had to come to terms with the fact that I had not grown out of it, I just subconsciously geared everything (my environment, the kind of work I took on and was good at, my compartmentalization) around it, and honestly not in a very healthy way.
(P.S. I just recently wrote a piece about my experience with ADHD and how it presents to me <https://aarontag.dev/2021/05/13/adhd.html>)
My experience with meds might be interesting: I work in a customer-facing technical role where my soft skills are paramount. Taking stimulants was disorienting, but helped me manage emotions very well. They worked well for focus, but killed my ability to be fundamentally nice. I might have been able to adapt in time, but I would have had to change careers in the meantime. I now take buproprion and it works well enough on motivation without causing social problems.
I learned to recognise the signs. I think just being aware of something going on your mind is enough to cure.
ADD/ADHD, I don't see it as a decease, more as a gift. Take the good things and learn to recognise the bad.
I always worried why I would have amazing productive hours and then sometimes days of inproductivity. Now I now (and everyone around me) that I'm best when in these 2 states. It took a lot of mental stress away by just accepting instead of trying to change.
It was also very important to let my surroundings know how my clock ticks. Really high highs and sometimes pretty long lows. In the end I get the job done and thats what matters.
The diagnosis, and resulting treatment, changed my life.
Not sure it will help you given you don't seem to be suffering from it.
For some people the medications Just Work, with no negative side effects. If they do that for you it could be a big win, but one you can't safely or lawfully test without getting a diagnosis.
It also gives you a well-defined problem statement for tackling the "lingering family issue" and for communicating with your family about differences between your neurological wiring and theirs that all of you need to cope with, if you do come up with a diagnosis.
After all, a therapist is a partner in your treatment, not a dictator. If you express discomfort at this idea and tell them so, they should be able to work with that.
I ended up seeking out and went through the entire process of neuropsych evaluation, never having been in therapy or anything similar in my life. The experience felt thorough and science based.
The outcome was inconclusive. I scored abysmally on many parts of the evaluation, and my history was pretty typical of someone with ADHD - constant academic struggles, a hard time building interpersonal relationships, trouble managing my emotions… amongst other things.
The counter-points they offered - on paper I’m in a successful career, have a successful marriage, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m obsessively organized in some areas of my life (probably to a fault. As a child I definitely was not.) They chalked my struggles up to anxiety and I pretty much stopped pursuing the idea that I might have ADHD.
Stumbling across a lot of people here who seem to have had similar experiences I’m back to wondering if it’s something I should explore again. I feel like every day I’m struggling through things that come easily to a lot of people, putting in 3x the time for 0.75 the output. I also know that I’m someone who, for whatever reason, has a high tolerance for un-ideal situations.
Getting the diagnosis allowed me to be open about this with my peers, and understand that while I am flawed in a way I can't really control anymore. I will never have focus, but I pay off by being passionate. It helped come to terms that I will never be a specialist, and accept that I am a generalist, and that's how I bring value to the world. Nowadays, I bring ADHD and generalism during interviews, because not every company has processes setup for the kind of work I enjoy doing.
It made me better understand why my partner is not able to take the same risks as I do. For example, if I don't like my work I just quit, I don't overthink. But risk-taking behavior is an ADHD trait, so it makes sense that other people don't want to take as much risk as I do, and in our relationship it's actually good we have someone more stable.
The diagnosis helped explore my frustrations, helped me be ok with the fact that I will change hobbies all the time, that I will change jobs all the time, that I will change roles all the time, because that makes me happy.
Please note, I am not saying ADHD does not exist, nor am I saying that the Rx's are not necessarily wonderful for some people, nor am I anti-drug. I have no doubt that for some people ADHD medication has been a life-saver. But it doesn't sound like you necessarily are one of those people, and there is no doubt a problem with a segment of the psychiatric profession being very quick to prescribe drug based solutions. The fact that you exhibit what your current doctor calls symptoms is not necessarily justification for changing anything or adopting a new drug regime. And we can all benefit from the mental discipline of CBT practices. I had an ex go through a CBT program for social anxiety and it was life changing for her - without drugs.
Have you gotten any encouragement from people in your life to investigate ADHD, or is it just this therapist? I was encouraged by teachers and loved ones to look into it starting in grade 2, finally got a diagnosis about 5 years back.
They wouldn't be exploring this unless it was presenting an issue that's reasonably explained by this, so I'd say it's worth doing. It may or may not be helpful, but putting your goals ahead of therapy seems unwise. And actually now that I think about it, this is one of the things an adhd diagnosis did help me with. Perspective. I'm much less self-absorbed and try to be more open and caring where I catch myself being dumb.
So I suggest you explore this to learn about yourself so that you can take the newfound information to make the best steps toward your personal/career/etc goals. That may be disregarding everything they suggest and refusing treatment, but understanding more about yourself and how your mind works cant be a bad thing can it?
just a note, i’m not looking for feedback or criticism of these things im experiencing.
accepting i might have adhd helped me in a few ways:
1. i could stop being quite so hard on myself for fucking up (usually organisational stuff)
2. i’ve started separating the parts of my identity i took on as an explanation for my needs (e.g low frustration threshold means i need minimalism and convenience). which is useful because now im starting to see what i “need” to function well and what i actually value.
3. ive started to build my life in ways that enable me to overcome stuff. e.g i thought i was very introverted and need alone time (and it turns out i am and do) but i need things to help me engage with boring tasks and other people are so engaging. so now i try to book in time to pair on boring tasks.
5. i absolutely cannot live without a todo list and a calendar. of i do not write it down, it is gone. i can finally accept this and stop trying to get better at remembering things.
there are numerous other things too that i will likely think of / discover as time passes.
I took the help, and I feel better for it.
You should at least let them run the tests. What do you have to lose?
I don't take any medication for it. Never have. It felt a lot like when I started going to therapy. I was able to learn more about myself and point to some things that I do as ADHD related. It helped me understand why I am the way I am.
I've considered exploring this because my level of productivity varies pretty widely, and I've had experiences that partly match other people's descriptions (broken sense of confidence in prioritization, too many ideas/interests)... but I also wonder:
How do people who diagnose ADHD reject the diagnosis? Or do they? Software professionals tend to see software solutions to domain dynamics whether they're necessary or most productive; it seems to me it's possible that medical-psych professionals might tend to medicalize personal dynamics... in particular, how does one tell the difference between outlier levels of OCEAN/Big5 trait "openness" and ADHD?
Or is it simpler than this, and you find someone who treats ADHD, try the treatment, and if it changes your life, the label is the least important part of that?
My diagnosis also helped my family, after I got diagnosed my dad and younger brother were diagnosed too. It saved my parent's relationship because my mom finally understood that parts of my dad's personality and his behavior were caused by the ADHD, not because he didn't care enough or because he was a bad husband/father.
I never got to medicating, because i lived in a country where, any kind of ADHD medication is either illegal (stimulants) or not yet licensed (non-stimulants). There was a third option, sort of a third-line, anti-depressant that had a ton of side-effects, which i decided to skip.
Now i moved to [Northern Europe] and started the process of getting diagnosed here from scratch, since i am unable to transfer my records. Time consuming and expensive? Very much. Not sure that the whole thing will result in anything useful for me, but i still feel that i have to try.
Try the meds. For me, it has been a complete life changer. Many many small things that I’ve always seen as part of me, or symptoms for which I’ve over-corrected for in my personality are suddenly changeable. I’ve never been more emotionally stable and effective in everything I do.
At the end of the day you’re the one that makes the assessment whether you have it. “Professionals” know only what they see for the 30-45 minutes that you come in.
That said, getting help at all if you have no other choice (i.e. you are objectively incapable of functioning) is a good idea. The real challenge lies in knowing when to call it a day :)
Caution to anyone else, the default dose they gave me was far too high. Had to change it down to the lowest long release they had. There's different kinds of stimulants, Adderall based doesn't work for me.
* ADHD diagnosis could be useful for self-knowledge and for maybe acquiring medication;
* not sure what the neurological tests give you above and beyond a psychiatrist's expert judgement. Seems like they've got incentives to run expensive tests/use expensive machinery that don't necessarily align with the patient's.
I benefited from Concerta at a job but the self-knowledge gained from looking hard at my own abilities and disabilities was much more valuable. You might find the same.
Here's a resource on adderall you might find valuable: https://lorienpsych.com/2020/10/30/adderall/
I also have anxiety and disthymeia, so meds were complicated. Stimulants send my anxiety out of control. Ultimately, I'm unmedicated for the ADHD, now.
It's been 20 years, and I'll admit, I fear any major med changes, because it can be ~1 year to get it all worked out.
I would say, make sure you are working with a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and a psychologist who will partner with them to aid your treatment. Their experience is key and can save you a lot of time struggling with meds, I wish I did that from day 1. I originally started with a PCP and then psychologist + PCP and really struggled from bad treatment advice.
I was "smart enough" for it to not seriously impact me until later in college. I would dive into 1 class and neglect the rest.
But my career is pretty tolerant of it. In some ways it is an asset. I have developed a ton of coping mechanisms to compensate, and have also learned to build in time to let myself go. It took me a while time to "forgive myself" for needing that, but a good therapist who also had ADHD helped me.
Taking sensory breaks is really important for me. Shifting to working from home meant I had to learn when I should take breaks from notification overload. I only allow my calendar to notify me then. I do benefit from working with people who really know me and help support.
I also cannot track time internally (I do not know if that is common or not). So making sure to schedule things like lunch has been important. It's easy for me to get lost.
My wife is also amazingly supportive. We complement each other very well and have for years. We are very communicative and that has helped a lot.
I'm sad that my one of my daughters is struggling is struggling with it early in school. School in general is just so incompatible. I can sympathize in many ways with the "inattentive" aspects, but she is also hyperactive which is foreign to me.
There's no obligation to be on any sort of medication, but having the option never really hurts. Knowing is more than half the battle, if only to make coping skills much more effective (if you have it you are likely coping without realizing it). You are in control here.
Unless you desperately want to be a pilot, in which case getting a medical is now difficult. Though wanting to be a pilot with even a mild executive function impairment is IMO disqualifying for poor judgment anyway.
Personally, the stimulants helped quite a bit along with an improved ability to cope. YMMV.
> I am in the later half of an adventurous and successful career. I continue to grow, have a long-term stable marriage, good savings, great life.
This passage could describe me as well, but as I look back on high school and college I've become convinced that if I'd been born 10-15 years later I would have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD (I don't know if the 'hyperactivity' part is a distinction psychologists make anymore.) I struggled in school but in an unusual way: I got As in some classes and Cs (or worse!) in others.
In school balancing my attention between more than three different classes was an impossible and mystifying task, but generating very intent focus on a few very interesting things was easy (e.g. programming, playing guitar). In college, I found myself dropping down to the minimum full-time course load often, and I envied my friends at schools on the quarter system who took only three classes at a time over shorter terms.
When I started working as a programmer, I found things much easier, had fewer things to divide my focus between, and could arrange my work (mostly) as I pleased, and I had a lot of success. I also discovered coffee, and looking at my coffee consumption over the years, one might reasonably conclude I'm self-medicating with stimulants. Even now, this XKCD resonates with me: https://xkcd.com/1106/
I'm moderately curious about whether I would be diagnosed, in the spirit of self-knowledge, but I don't feel the need to engage professional help to figure it out.
My issue was primarily of chronic fatigue from inadequate sleep through my teen years, informed in part by high levels of anxiety and stress at home. Conversely as a kid, diagnosis came recommended by a teacher (!) because I was "daydreaming in class" - that's it. Details of my fatigue were made aware to the psychiatrist I was sent to at the time, but perhaps because I was scheduled for focus/attention issues, it was completely ignored.
I eventually regained my focus in adulthood, after pain and trepidation, with a multi-pronged approach that included reinvigorating sleep, reducing my anxiety levels, and diet / regular exercise.
Make no mistake: this is not to proselytize that "ADHD doesn't exist". But I would put it to you that since there is a perverse incentive to diagnose it, it's diagnosed as though everything is a nail in North America. There should be more credence given to the possibility that focus issues can be symptomatic of other problems.
I also find it dubious that children can so easily be diagnosed by virtue that a long day of boring lectures and sitting still is difficult to pay attention to. This is almost ubiquitous among children, though yes, it will exacerbate things more among kids who have more of a difficulty with focus. This brings to mind the story of Gillian Lynne, choreographer for Cats, who was brought to the doctor for her fidgeting - he suggested she go to dance school where she excelled. Why is it unthinkable that certain children be allowed to flourish in more appropriate environments? Because they're an inconvenience to adults - that's all. It's not less virtuous to be a person drawn to more physical engagement with the world.
Also see: A Disease Called Childhood: Why ADHD became an American Epidemic, by Marilyn Wedge, Ph.D.
I think 'How would this help me?' is a great question to explore. I'm quite different to you as I struggle to maintain a full time job or a consistent relationship. Adults with ADHD have often developed coping methods and systems that work well for them.
Even if you are diagnosed you don't have to take any particular course of action. Medication is not mandatory.
After I was diagnosed I tried concerta. I didn't really feel it helped me a lot. I am currently in part time work but struggling to progress in my career. 8 years in and I'm still a junior and I think my condition is a big contributor.
Even I f you don’t have the diagnosis, most tricks may improve your life (the difference being: if you have the condition, you have to do many of them just to function at any level).
If you don't believe you're negatively impacted with ADHD type symptoms, it probably won't help you. It did help me manage the 'cycle of anxiety' brought on by ADHD-induced lack of focus and procrastination.
Stimulant medications do help, I'm on Concerta which is an extended release methylphenidate (Ritalin). It is not magic. I see a therapist to help with accountability and manage the chronic anxiety as well as develop systems to help me block my time and limit distractions.
I wouldn't say not to explore it, but it has been debilitating in my case. If it isn't in yours (or hasn't been), I personally think you might not get much of a perceived benefit.
I don't take any medication for ADHD, mainly because I also have general anxiety and my understanding that is anxiety and ADHD medications tend to interfere with one another. I need the medication for my anxiety more; I've gone 30+ years coping with my ADHD symptoms and working around them, so I don't really need medication for them. But an official diagnosis is remarkably freeing, because at least I can finally say "THIS is why I'm like this".
I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult after struggling with my jobs for the first 10 years of my career, and getting fired from my previous one.
It so far feels like being medicated helps me switch contexts easier. It has not helped my focus really. Just that when I get distracted from what I was doing I can get myself back into it again more easily, instead of browsing my phone for 30 minutes before I get back to it.
This has improved my personal relationships so much. You wouldn’t believe it.
Previously, everyone loved me because I was the life of the party etc etc but now I can also form deeper connections because I can listen.
If you're happy with your life, why change anything?
Assuming you're considering medication, be careful. Remember that ADHD medication often very similar to methamphetamine, (or is methamphetamine.)
Those drugs are addictive, and when prescribed incorrectly, it's often hard to be objective about if the drugs really benefit you, or if you just enjoy the drugs.
I could never manage to save anything longterm and when I started wanting more responsibility in my career I hit a wall without treatment.
Once I started treatment at 35 I was finally able to start making progress and being seen as reliable by management not just good jumping from project to project or great in an emergency, but being able to follow through with projects long term.
Not in a "wow this is fantastic", rather the opposite. Old sorrows surfaces, forgotten experiences had to be dealt with, but I was finally able to start moving forward and deal with the reality outside myself.
It's hard to explain, but now I am growing older, not only my body as it used to be.
It's a red flag to me. Who's they here ? What kind of setting, health insurance, country's social net are we talking about ?
Who's paying for the privilege of investigating a case that is twice exceptional ?
I take an SSRI which is supposed to help me be more focused, but I'm 5 months in an having trouble telling the difference, tbh.
otherwise, i was just guessing but unsure.
TL:DR - Therapy is also essential, especially if you have built an adult life & persona to counteract the ADHD symptoms. What is “you” and what has been a coping mechanism? It’s fascinating indeed.
I got a formal ADHD diagnosis around 8 years ago. They did prescribe medication, but I honestly do not like taking it. Sure it gives me focus and "superpowers" but it also shifts the way I think about things and I don't feel like myself on it. I personally use it as a "backup" when I have a lot of tasks I have to bash through, but for others they find daily is useful. To each their own. I find a lot of people with diagnosis and medication from a young age lean on that heavily, with less technique based change.
The benefit however has been that now I have the name of something to explore and work on. I didn't really know I was ADHD prior to my diagnosis, and it was a partner that pointed me in the direction of exploring it.
I've realized that my father's behavior was similar to mine, and it's an interesting lens to see his life through.
I've been able to lean into organizational techniques more. For me, putting in hard work on techniques is better on average than medication. I'm also not someone who responds to average organizational techniques and I often have to find "tricks" that work for my own personal motivations to keep me organized.
For example, I've never been able to keep a calendar, todo list, or schedule. I was awful in college about missing classes, running late, etc. So much of it was because I'm overly optimistic about time (so run late), and also about my ability to keep things in my head (which I'm actually terrible at, but in the moment think I'm clever).
My solution to this has been weird - it's Google Calendar. But I share it with a dozen friends. It's no longer about my schedule tracking, but it being a social communication tool. My motivation to keep it accurate isn't just about my schedule, but about letting people know when I'm free/busy and where I am. For my brain, that is a highly motivating thing and so now I keep it accurate. Same with things like grocery lists and Google Keep and my live in partner. It's not just about my list, but now it's a socially motivated list, so I'll keep it accurate. This isn't a motivational technique for everyone, but it's mine and works well to keep me organized.
Eventually you may find parts of yourself described in various literature and experience that aren't just about organization or distraction, but things about how you take feedback, etc... some of which are highly linked as ADHD traits.
There's also at least 3 different distinct types of ADHD, and it's useful to think about those and how they fit you. Your therapist should be able to help you identify these formally.
Without glasses I’d have to position myself in odd ways to get a good enough perspective of reality to interact with it in ways I want. Could I do it without glasses? Sure. Do I wish I didn’t need them? Yeah.
Vyvanse is tool. My life has been different since I started using this tool. However, I was trying to change—to be more consistent, less impulsive, and to reduce my anxiety. I can consistently practice other techniques and develop better habits long enough that they stick. Three years passed between my initial diagnosis and when I agreed to try out medication.
Since I’ve been on medication, I’ve gained a lot of the consistency I sought. I take a capsule in the morning around 6am and I go to bed at 10pm (almost every night, whereas I wasn’t on a schedule before). I have a little morning routine of reading or working on things before work (long term goals stuff). I start winding down with the fam at around 6-7pm. The daily consistent effort has helped my anxiety a lot (prior, I’d procrastinate a lot more). I can actually relax when it’s time to relax. I also need to exercise 1-3 times a week (medication isn’t a silver bullet). I don’t “take breaks.” I take it daily, as prescribed. I take the lowest dose that “works.” A 10mg higher dose delays my bed time and shortens my sleep window (fwiw I don’t use an alarm). I keep a little daily journal and I still have “off days,” I just have far fewer. There’s still things that I can’t stand doing, but I can at least articulate that to someone else (or keep it to myself) and make a procrastination plan.
I’ve been “successful” with and without medication, but my life is a little healthier now which was unexpected given my initial thoughts on amphetamines. Prior, I would pack my days so tightly I didn’t have the option of deviating. When things would slow down, it was apparent I needed to explore better alternatives. Over the past four years I’ve periodically thought “hey, I’m doing pretty good, I probably don’t need this stuff. However, one side effect of stimulants is that they can increase your confidence (just something to be mindful of).
It can take time to find a dosage that works for you. I started low and ramped up. For me, it took about 3 months of consistent use to determine if a dose was better or worse (except for a dosage that was too high). I think some people like to “feel it working,” but I would advise against using an immediate metric like that.
Unfortunately there’s not a common language that we can all speak in about these things. I think everyone struggles with some amount of the common symptoms for adhd, but it can be hard to quantify personal experiences (asking 20/20 vision people the right questions might lead down a path of “yeah, sometimes I do have some trouble seeing certain things”). There’s some things you’ve got to experience for yourself.
If things are going really well right now and this is a one-off lingering family issue, it may not be worth your time to run all the tests. I’m actually pretty impressed that your providers want to run tests (maybe that’s something you should listen to). However, it’s possible that taking medication can make things worse before it can make them better.
To actually answer your question, an adult adhd diagnosis helped group together some observed effects under one name. After this thing had a name I went about making improvements that helped my situation (both with and without medication). To be honest, I have to read between the lines of your description which is “my life is going great, but I have a lingering family issue and my doc thinks I have adhd because of it.” I can imagine a scenario where this adds up, but I’d keep working with your doc and I’d get a second opinion before subjecting yourself to (possibly invasive) time-consuming testing.
I still feel like a person whose character is underdeveloped. My life in the present is a blank slate. Not many ideas come to my mind, and I feel as if I've closed myself off to everything.
The fact is, when you read things like books on developing self-esteem, the issues make no mention of ADHD specifically in the context of the larger issue. ADHD can be a single detrimental component in a life that is, on the whole, dead and unfulfilling. It might have been part of the reason for that unfulfillment, but you still have to put in effort to go outside and meet people, or choose which books to read, or decide what's interesting to you. The medication at most gives me the opportunity to make that choice, a choice which I can then deliberately refuse.
It's damn near impossible for me to stay positive or see the value in accomplishing things. For example, I can't seem to decide if the fact that I lose interest in video games after a day, on medication or off, is because of a lack of executive function or the fact that I've spent my whole life beating myself up over losing, and still remember even the smallest losses years later in excruciating detail. Or maybe it's something else entirely. The loss of interest could be explained by multiple factors, and maybe all I've done at this point is break through the first barrier. It's my responsibility to decide what narrative makes the most sense, and act accordingly.
I think the diagnosis has given me a license to stop taking responsibility for a lot of things. I can deliberately stop taking the medication and point to me stopping as the reason I didn't do X today. Why didn't I do X? "Because I'm not the kind of person that is able to just do X." That's the default mindset I carry, one that has persisted for well over a decade before I was diagnosed with anything. And now that I have a diagnosis I supposedly have concrete evidence that I can point to so I can claim that mindset has been justified the whole time. And it's easier for me to keep confirming that attitude by sabotaging myself than changing it.
My problems extend far beyond the limitations imposed on me by something like ADHD. The diagnosis did not flip a switch that let me proceed on to a productive, fulfilling life. It gave me crucial knowledge about some of my behaviors that has materially benefited me, and it also gave me ammunition which I can use to absolve myself of responsibility in unproductive ways and delay my self-improvement further and further.
Honestly, I'm most inclined to believing the people that respond to my grief with things like, "well, in the end, living life as an adult is hard. Take responsibility." Those people include my current therapist, and I don't think she's incorrect in saying that. I can't count how many times I've wished someone would essentially come along and help me, by drawing over my blank slate with new ideas that I can pursue and new modes of thinking to believe in. No such person is supposed to appear. I still don't have someone I can always feel at ease communicating with, as equals.
To start with, it wasn't a surprise when I was diagnosed as an adult. Teachers suggested I get tested for ADHD throughout my entire childhood but my parents held off since I wasn't a disruptive student, did well academically, and had often voiced an interest in joining the military and a childhood diagnosis of ADHD could potentially be disqualifying.
Ultimately though my goals changed and ended up going to graduate school with an aim to study cognitive science. That's when I decided to get tested, and not surprisingly, I was diagnosed with ADHD predominately inattentive subtype and prescribed Vyvanse. The change was profound. Before medication I would start books and never complete them, but suddenly I was finishing several books a month. I found keeping tack of things and cleaning and organizing my environment became second nature where I had struggled deeply with those things before. It also lead me to a career in tech. Prior to starting medication I had always had an appreciation for formal systems and logic, but Vyvanse super-charged that. I was suddenly able to deeply engage with math and formal logic in a way I hadn't been able to before because of my lack of focus. I became interested in software development. Taking Vyvanse and writing code became probably my favorite activity, and it's because of medication and my ADHD diagnosis that I ultimately became a software developer. I excelled at coding because I loved doing it. I would pop a Vyvanse and code for hours. Ultimately however, it became the only thing I really enjoyed. I would take an extra pill to stay up late and finish tasks, or get work done on a side-project. I ended up taking more than prescribed and I would run out before my refill was available leading me to have huge surges of productivity at the beginning of the month and huge periods of inactivity at the end when I was out of pills and suffered rebound effects like a complete inability to focus and extreme fatigue from not sleeping or eating correctly while on meds. In the end I realized it was also starting to take a toll on my personal relationships since I was living in my head all of the time not giving my live-in girlfriend nearly enough attention and instead just working and coding. So I decided to quit. After quitting my productivity took a hit, but ultimately I was able to reach a decent level of performance, though no where near what I had been doing previously. But I realized I was no longer deeply engaged with my work and I ended up transitioning careers from software development to becoming a sales engineer/solution architect.
Now, several years after quitting, I'm much happier. My live-in girlfriend is now my wife and I have a much better work-life balance. I'm still a bit of a workaholic, but I can disengage and maintain a better balance. Working as a sales engineer is also a really nice spot for my ADHD mind as constantly jumping between tasks and moving between technical and non-technical activities keeps me stimulated. I could never have done this job while on Vyvanse, as the focus I got from the meds would actually make it difficult for me to effectively move between so many different events in a day. Of course, I also can't code like a used to, but I do still enjoy engaging deeply with technical topics of interest. The odd reality for me though is that without that diagnosis and the medication I never would have been able to find a role like the one that I have now, which is such a good match for my unmedicated brain. I was able to derive a foundational knowledge about tech and computer science that I use today because of medication, and I don't know exactly where I would be if I hadn't gone down that road initially.
Looking back it's not too surprising I ended up abusing a prescription. Substance abuse disorder is a common comorbidity for people with ADHD and while that's often attributed to self-medication, I don't think that was the case for me. I just like altered states. I experimented with a range of drugs in college but it's easy to put up boundaries around things like that when you know it's recreational. When you're using a prescribed medicine it's much easier to justify the behavior. I think most people who are prescribed stimulants will take them correctly and will likely see a benefit from doing so. I don't think that's an option for me though and I've found more success building a life compatible with my condition rather than trying to fight it. There was a now deleted site called Quitting Adderall[1] that shared other people's similar experiences and it really resonated with me when I was considering the change.
That said there's no obligation to take stimulant medication if you do pursue a diagnosis, and I wouldn't tell you not to try stimulants if you think there could be benefit. I would just advise you to monitor yourself if you do take them, especially if you have a personal or family history of substance abuse.
1. https://web.archive.org/web/20210125224905/http://quittingad...
1. If your ADHD hasn't made your life (at least at moments) a living hell, it's probably not something that needs to be addressed very urgently.
2. If you don't think your ADHD is a problem but a therapist thinks it might be, well... That's an ADHD thing, and it might help to entertain the idea and openly explore it with therapy and loved ones.
ADHD, whatever it really is, has made my life very difficult at times. I won't describe why because I don't think our situations and symptoms would align well enough for it to be relevant. I will say though that I managed to make it to 30 as a reasonably introspective, thoughtful, and open person without really cluing in to the fact that I had some severe problems stemming from ADHD. I know that seems contradictory, but the trouble with ADHD is that it's something of a self defeating condition. Some of your internal senses are finely tuned while others are extremely dull, and they often work against each other to suppress and hide each other. It's dangerously compounding. The people around you may never notice this, too - this only works to exacerbate your blind spots in terms of self awareness. It's often true that only the people closest to us, like a spouse or other immediate family, will ever become attuned to our issues. I can say confidently even now that my closest friends had no idea I had ADHD, and some even insisted my diagnosis was an error. I had a good job, I was disciplined, I was a good parent. I used to believe those things too, haha.
All that is to say that if you do have ADHD and think it's fine, well... It might actually be awful for those around you, and that's worth inspecting. However, if it is benign, just let it be.
Others quickly jumped to saying meds changed their life. They changed my perspective of what my life could be, which was useful. I didn't find them useful beyond that. I disliked the side effects, and I found the soft, fleeting rewiring to feel like a mental flip-flopping that made it difficult to pin down which thoughts and actions where "real" or "generated" by drugs. Just as taking LSD in the pursuit of opening your mind leads to unearned wisdom, I felt as though amphetamines lead to an unearned, poorly understood, unsustainable source of focus and executive function.
At any rate, if you're here asking us, there must be some salience in your mind that's pushing you to explore the possibility. I say yes, explore it. But do it openly with a critical mind. Don't assume this ends in a prescription. Consider it self work which could benefit you and your loved ones. Most importantly, don't assume this is a bad thing. ADHD is another permutation of human genetics and environment. It's not an innate disability or disease. You're the same person with or without the diagnosis, and the ultimate goal is to be the best you can be regardless of which mind or body you inherited.
Well, it didn't help except to try psychiatric meds that I can't tolerate. 25 years after dad declared "Damn psychologist [sic] quacks don't know what they're talking about. They're liberals trying to control boys with medication. It's a myth!"
And now I can't interact with people properly because they all think I'm a weirdo.
How many close friends do I have? 0
How many friends do I have? 0
How many acquaintances do I have? 0.25
How many family members do I have? 1
It's not even recognized or appreciated by Americans, they just automatically reject me and then must gossip about how I'm a terrible weirdo. I still try, but there's almost no return on effort. I shouldn't even bother because it's futile.
It's why I do most everything for myself, by myself, and I never depend on anyone else unless I pay them (transactionalization and commodification of every interaction).
If you don't plan on having a family, I highly-suggest staying in top physical and mental shape, or you'll end-up warehoused in some disgusting, horrible place at the end of your life where your life will be hell and cut short.
How many times have I thought about suicide? Hundreds. Seriously? Dozens.
Ditch your therapist.
Anyways, Methlyphinidate (ritalin) should be your very LAST step. Before that, clean up your workspace, disable distracting apps on your phone and computer, use a site blocker... And consider that a lack of discipline is not caused by ADHD.
I speak with experience here, because I was "diagnosed" with this "mental illness" before it was cool, about two decades ago, when the teachers noted I couldn't pay attention in class. Took ritalin for about a decade. Always thought I had trouble concentrating, like I was told right? Well, a few years ago I rented an office space with a friend of mine, just the two of us in a very spacious (100m2), light and well-ventilated office. We received no phone calls, there were no people walking in, or cats and girlfriends asking for attention. I had less distractions than I had at home, and much less than in a traditional office. And it was a dedicated area for "work". A comfortable desk and chair, two monitors and a fast pc. Having worked in such a proper environment, I will never say I have trouble concentrating again.
Anyways, what exactly do you think you have to gain by being "diagnosed" with ADHD?