In Canada, please call 1.833.456.4566 (24/7) or send a text to 45645 (4pm to midnight ET).
https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/
If there's anything we can do to help, or you just want someone who's willing to listen, you're welcome to email me at hn@ycombinator.com and I'll send you my personal email address. However, I need to close this thread now. We all wish you well.
(In case you don't know, I'm a moderator here; this comment probably wouldn't make sense without that info.)
And some suggested reading: "Man's search for meaning", by Viktor Frankl. Also a great title on Audible.