I (used to) love programming, but I loathe standups, scrum, agile, etc.

For me, agile (in the scrum/standup sense that you mean) is a huge red flag because it’s used as a cover for micromanagers. The kind of low-trust environment that needs micromanaging might sometimes be warranted if the team is unfit but I think it’s more likely the manager who is unfit. But either way, I suggest trying to get yourself into a high-trust environment before wiping the board. Agile (in the OG sense) kind of comes naturally in a high-trust team without having to force it through rigid stand ups.

How many companies talk about scrum or agile, and don't actually do it at all, vs those that implement them poorly.

Possibly the same with standups. What do your co-workers think about these processes? Can you come up with a better process that will work for everyone?

Doesn't mean you need to invent the next "agile" but adjust it to best fit your team. Everyone may be thankful to see something better

Not all software development houses use Agile.

So can't you actively look for jobs that advertise as not being Agile?

You could also ask that exact question at the interview stage of the process.

From my experience, job adverts demanding Agile as a skill set on the JD are the types of places heavily invested in doing Agile.

Those are the job adverts you should be ignoring.

Is it possible for you to start a coding job where you are not coding a behemoth application, so that you are the main cog, and not a tiny part of the process? I don't know your background but is it possible to do more embedded type or mobile app development?

Best of luck, it seems that you are near your wits end.

I was lucky to I have a great experience w/ agile and scrum. We were a bit team (~70ish devs) broken down into teams or 4-6.

Each team had a PO (tech lead) and a "Scrum Master" . The scrum masters job was to make sure managers weren't micromanaging the teams. If they had issues or questions they had to go through the Scrum Master.

Only thing we all hated was release planning because it was 1 week of trying to make managers happy with delivery dates.

Boy are you going to be pissed when the corp fin job you take also does daily standups.