My quest led me to the big box hardware store, where Lo! there were many such mechanical servants on display; many with fully Creeped Features and options of bewildering complexity, ranging in prices from $350 to $1k+. Amusingly all the same size and damned hard to tell what makes one so much more valuable than the other.
Alas, the Priestess of the department spake unto me of Stock Issues and none of the non-ludicrous units were actually available for purchase. There or within two hours drive at the chain's other locations. She said she might have one, she'd "check the back," 15min later another employee said she'd gone on break.
Having failed there, I contemplate the options... Is teaching the offspring to wash dishes actually child abuse?
I believe it was down.
AAD was also down. Mercifully, none of the services I manage depend on it in a way that caused an outage apart from build pipelines being unavailable.