HACKER Q&A
📣 whitepaint

How can I become a better listener?


One of my biggest problems I have is that sometimes when I listen to some podcast, or some youtube video, or I am just conversing with someone, my mind goes to another thing and I just forget what was just said. It happens often that my mind just drifts off and I sometimes even need to repeat a video multiple times to get it.

So, my question is, how can I become a better listener and remember more what is said?

Thanks a lot.


  👤 patatino Accepted Answer ✓
You could try to listen to it faster than 1x, maybe 1.25x or 1.5x.

Maybe video/audio is not for you? I have a big problem listening to something when I know I can read the same information in a couple of minutes. Why should I listen/watch a 30min tutorial?

I see podcasts mainly as entertainment, not a problem when you drift away a little. You don't miss much.


👤 paulz_
It sounds like you're trying to improve you're ability to focus as much as anything. Consider mindfulness meditation.

Essentially you sit in a quiet room and focus on your breath. You'll find this very difficult and your mind will wander. When you notice that your mind has wandered return your attention to the breath. Do your best not to be frustrated by this experience. You'll find even after much practice your mind still wanders away from the breath constantly. This is normal and happens to everyone.

Don't beat yourself up for your thoughts drifting while practicing. You almost want to be smiling at noticing how much the human mind does that. Think more on those terms.

You may find as you practice you'll get better at noticing your mind wandering in every day life and returning your focus to what you were doing. I also find that when practicing daily focus in general comes more easily.


👤 taphangum
Humility.

There's no better way to put your mind into 'listening mode' than to assume that the person in front of you might know something that you don't.

Be humble, and listening will come naturally. The rest is just getting a better memory/knowledge base for better understanding.


👤 softwaredoug
I don’t just listen to the person, I breath deep and listen to my body and the feelings and underlying emotions bubbling up as I hear their words. If I can recognize these feelings, I can acknowledge them before needing to immediately react and say what’s bubbling up. If it’s particularly important I write it down to bring up when they’re done speaking.

But this is a kind of mindfulness skill that takes lots of practice. Meditation helps, and anything that connects you with your body, so you can learn to accept, acknowledge and respond and not immediately react.

Also I forgive myself a lot for fidgeting. It's natural. I give myself things for my hands to play with.


👤 hollander
I have the same problem, and haven't solved it. I have a book tip: Deep Work by Cal Newport. It's about attention and focus. We're distracted too easily by the well known things: email, smartphone, and the many tasks we have to do each day.

Solution: there is no easy solution.


👤 joshxyz
Lots of factors really, if topic is interesting, if talker is well paced and engaging as a story teller.

if conversing with someone, literally just shut the fuck up[0] and give yourself some time to process the words, the context, the place where ythat person is coming from.

cheesy way to put it is put yourself in their shoes, listen to understand and respond correctly, instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.

[0] intentional fuck here for emphasis, it took me time to adjust to this, it is not something you just turn on like a flick of switch, it takes practice to really listen


👤 keiferski
Sometimes, if I have eye strain, I will use a sleeping eye cover mask and listen to an audiobook. After about five minutes, your ability to visualize and remember the words gets noticeably better, even with something super dense like William Gibson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAmurh7HqWI


👤 bitxbitxbitcoin
If you find yourself getting distracted when listening to or watching something, try listening/watching at 2x speed.

👤 ElectricMind
What exactly your mind wonders to? Another youtube video? Another people talking? Is it because you have FOMO? You feel like you have less time and more information to consume? Lack of focus could be symptoms. Please elaborate more on your analysis of root cause

👤 afarrell
1. Accept that your mind will wander. Forgive yourself for that and practice returning your attention.

2. Make sure you get good sleep/food/exercise.

3. Find another minor thing to do with your hands. Like knitting.


👤 cafard
If it is not awkward--talking to friends, talking to a significant other--take notes. I take notes in meetings partly to stay focused.

👤 fennokin
Active recall - pause the podcast and talk back to yourself the points being made; rewind to check if you're not confident.

👤 runawaybottle
Grow up I guess. Unless you are under 25, you have little excuse not to mature.