(Disclosure: I hope this doesn't sound too weird, I am not depressed or anything, just genuinely curious about this. Also I am no native speaker, please forgive me. Still posting with throwaway because I feel weird.)
I am in a weird place where I don't really know what to do with my life and I am trying to find out "who I really am" and what truly fulfills me.
So I started thinking a lot, and trying to answer questions like: Everything I do, who do i do it for? Do i do it for me, or for someone else? If I don't do it for me, shouldn't I spend my time with something else, something that makes _me_ happy? (And I am not talking about relationships here, obviously I will be there for family and friends. I am talking about the time I am free to spend on whatever I want, like job and free time).
At first I was pretty convinced that most of the things I do are 100% for me, to make me happy. Examples:
- My job as an SW engineer: nice salary, bright future, very sought-after, personal interest, can use my creativity and so on. All positives things.
- Or one of my biggest hobbies, besides IT: Acrobatics and exercising in general. It's fun, it's healthy, it's cool, I look better and can see my progress week after week.
BUT THEN I asked myself: would I still do these things if I were completely alone? If I were the last human to ever exist?
I most certainly would not continue to program. What would be the use? And then for sports: I might actually continue with this a little bit, but mostly because I wouldn't know what else to do with my life. And it certainly would not be fulfilling doing this by myself.
This bothers me. I now feel like I am living a very superficial life. And I am wondering, how do you feel about this? What things are fulfilling you, do you life your life for you, or for others?
If I didn't know for sure I would probably spend most of my time looking for other humans. Drive around the continent, set up some radios and send some signals around the world and stuff.
Otherwise, if I knew for a fact that I was the last human? I don't know. I don't think anyone could really predict how they would handle that. It's kind of a horrifying reality to contemplate even for the most introverted among us.
The way I see it is that there is no real meaning to life unless we put it there. Each of us gets to decide what is meaningful and how to pursue that.
In my opinion the only way to live a superficial life is to live it to someone else's standards instead of your own.