Mechanical Keyboard Advice

Dear HNers,

I'm an old(ish) programmer (25 years XP) and have only recently discovered the vast and fascinating sub-culture dedicated to mechanical keyboards - specifically around the optimisation of the key-pressing experience.

I tried to read up on this topic, but holy chopsticks I drowned in a deluge of the steepest learning curve.

I'm also the sort of guy that will go to town on optimising every aspect of my life - down to the most minute detail (such as the orientation of my toothbrush when putting it back in its place, to minimise the energy I'll next expend to pick it up again).

So if you'll indulge me... could you please recommend a keyboard for me?

When I was faced with the prospect of researching this topic of mechanical keyboards, I quickly came to the realisation that if I went down this very deep rabbit hole, I'd unpack its variables to the point of being able to write a novel on Mechanical Keyboard Design Patterns that would honour the original Gang of Four in its exhaustiveness.

So I thought it would be wise to first ask you lot. Primarily because I honestly don't have the time to give this decision the attention it deserves (I'm a dad with young kids and a wife working in healthcare, so time is limited these days). But secondarily because I'm darn curious what you have figured out already.

I'd particularly value insightful stories of your actual experience - the design(s) you've gone with, the Pros and Cons, what you would change if you could, cool war stories, etc.

As for the keyboard recommendation - anything goes - and I am prepared to invest in this, much like I did with my monitor setup and Aeron.

Aesthetically, I'd prefer something that's matte black, with subtle / minimal key faces. And it would be a massive bonus if it could be wireless (and not via Bluetooth, but via a little USB receiver, like my Logitech mouse).

Thanks!