HACKER Q&A
📣 need_advice_2

Toxic manager/work environment – need advice


Currently I am working for one of the biggest software companies in the world. I joined the company ~3.5 years ago. Since joining the company I have been promoted twice. My performance reviews are always very very good. I am liked by the vast majority of my colleagues. They respect me because I know my stuff but also because I am down to earth, relaxed and always helpful. We have a pretty open feedback culture among colleagues.

This all sounds good and all but since I joined the company my satisfaction with work went downhill. My main concern is the toxic new management I got about a year ago. She is constantly gaslighting me + others. I have tried to talk to her. I tried to make things better - even give her tipps about what kind of actions could make my colleagues and me more happy.

My manager is only one problem though. I think the whole company has issues. The company behaves irradic. Changes direction every 6 months - which is kind of okay for a startup/small company but not for a big company. Right? Sometimes projects are cancelled because of minor things (beta release 1w late).

I have worked on multiple projects - all but 1 got cancelled.

I like the “every yes needs 1000 now” approach - it really weeds out the bad stuff - but here nobody understands the reason behind the "no". understands.

I really tried to change things here. I talked to many people. Talked openly. You might ask: Why not just leave? The truth is that I am half burned out. The last project I worked on got everything from me. I wanted to impress my manager in the hopes for more openness. More reasonable discussions. It just went downhill. On the one hand I know that I can be gold for a company. But at the moment I am unable to really do something. Easy tasks are no longer easy for me. I don’t have the self-confidence to just walk away. I need some advice. I feel that I could do much more but my current circumstances limit everything. What would you do?


  👤 a3n Accepted Answer ✓
You've made reasonable efforts to improve things.

Take a longish break. Vacation, sabbatical, or quit. If you can't afford to quit, take any other reasonable job that only requires your attention while at work. Maybe use vacation as emergency time off, and figure out how to quit.

Use the first part of your break to decompress. Use the second part of your break to decide whether to stay in your current career, or change it somewhat, or do something completely different.

But it's not your job to be miserable, and there are many things to do that are not miserable. It doesn't matter whether that misery comes from within you or from outside.

We're all volunteers.


👤 superflit
" He Only beat me when he is drunk. But he drinks everyday" ---> The beat wife in denial.

The company that you joined 3 years ago does not exist anymore. The company that you joined 3 years ago does not exist anymore. The company that you joined 3 years ago does not exist anymore.

Sure you enter the building, the offices with the name and brand.

But ""That"" company you joined three years ago does not exist anymore.

""YOU"" from three years ago does not exist anymore.

What we have *Now* is your "current" YOU and the current company.

Woud you interview send your CV to your ""Current"" company?

We know the anwer.

Sip a coffee, think that maybe someone in NM wants the best for you and start looking for the "Company" and manager *You* want.

When I do interview people ask me what is the most import thing for you:

Without hesitation I say "My manager and team".

Ps. Go tiger!


👤 siquick
Unless you have a very strong reason to continue working there (Visa tied to the job comes to mind) then it's probably time to leave. It's highly unlikely that your manager will change, and you shouldn't waste your energy on trying to remedy the situation. As the age-old adage goes, people don't leave jobs, they leave managers.

👤 lrossi
I’m sorry that you are going through this. Nobody deserves to work under an abusive manager.

You could try to find out if there is another team or department where things are more stable, and if it would make sense to try to get transferred there. If you do that, make sure that you frame it in terms of your career and interest, and not as in response to mistreatment from your current manager.

The risk is that the culture might be similar, so you might encounter the same problem.

The other option is to find another job. From what you said, if I were in your place, I would go for this without hesitation.


👤 dave_sid
Work for a startup