Not smart enough to a programmer, where to take my life from here?

I may be off base here, but it sounds to me like you just aren't interested in the subjects. One of the biggest factors to learning is how much interest you have. There are tricks you can do to get yourself more interested, but it does take a fair amount of work and isn't always effective. But if you wonder why sometimes we can remember silly details or whole complicated plotlines from stories but can't remember a simple math formula, a lot of it is actually your interest levels. Your brain prioritizes the stories because it is interesting, you can relate, and thus form strong neural connections. It is much harder to do that with a math equation that is fairly abstract and not in constant use.

So I would start at finding which thing interests you the most. What meets the job criteria that you are looking for BUT also excites you? Then focus on moving in that direction.

My intuition is that you’d get more out of therapy than a career change right now. This sounds more like burnout or a lack of interest to me. But framing it as a lack of intelligence says a lot about how you view yourself, which could make a career change much harder than it needs to be.

It's possible, though I don't know you, that you're too smart to be a programmer.

And maybe "programmer" is the problem. Be a _____ who can also code. Zed Shaw said it best in the final pages of learn python the hard way. Programming as a career is rarely fulfilling to anyone. But being a teacher/doctor/librarian/entrepreneur/warehouse worker/farmer/etc. that can code is a super power.

I'm basically talking to myself with this pep talk so I appreciate you bringing it up but.. let's both go find the thing that we like and apply programming to that thing!

My advice in this situation is:

1. Keep your job for now. This is a good time to have a paycheck. Think of it as chores to pay the mortgage. Maybe you'll get a dishwasher later, but for now the dishes gotta get washed.

2. Find a psychiatric or clinical psychologist and have yourself evaluated for mental illness. This is actually really important. Unlike physical problems where it's sometimes obvious ("I can't read the billboard by the road, I probably need glasses."), mental issues can make subjective impressions unreliable or misleading.

> I fail to understand, fail to recognize patterns, am too slow to understand simple concepts and never retain anything. Occasionally understand the individual concepts of something but then her completely lost when they're all combined

Too slow compared to what? Fail to recognize based on how many exposures? Taken together this feels like a learning disability that makes you slow to internalize material in the standard way, and you're not building up the mastery of the fundamentals enough before trying to combine them. Again, psychological evaluation is the way to go.

Also, don't look for work where you love it all the time. No one's going to pay you for that. What you're after is work that you can do and feel some basic satisfaction when you put it down for the day instead of being cast into a downward spiral by it.

You also are allowed to have other stuff that provides the meaning and enrichment for their lives. In fact, you should.

Yeah the good news is that if you find CRUD apps mind numbing then you are definitely smart enough to be a programmer.

Sooo... right now thanks to covid19 basically every class at your local community college is online try a GIS class, it's a little bit python, a little bit SQL, a little bit data science-y and sometimes you go fly a drone around.

Or you know something else, the point is there's plenty of fields that aren't explicitly tech adjacent that the ability to program at all gives you a somewhere between a head start and superpowers.

BUT also I'm with the other guys too, maybe talk to a therapist.

Do you actually suck at this or do you have a great case of impostor syndrome (perhaps a pattern you're failing to recognize?)? You might be surprised at where you'd rank compared to the general population.

As far as retaining things, there's an awful lot of stuff where you don't need to remember the details - knowing something exists lets you go find details when needed, and the more useful items will stick with you after you start using them regularly. I'll use trees as an example - there are more different kinds of trees and ways to implement them than you can shake a stick at, but most programmers aren't going to need to implement any of them ever. Do you need to remember details about balancing, etc? Probably not.

I am something you could consider smart; wrote first program as 6 years old, gave talks at conferences, worked on crypto-concesus algos, now I do research oriented consulting.

Some points:

- pattern recognition is basic brain function and everyone has it

- you need PERFECT health to be smart; check testosterone, sleep, weight, nofap, exercise etc.. 90% people have brain fog for some stupid fixable reason

- there is nothing wrong with CRUD app maintenance if you make good money. Challenge is nice, but gets old very fast, unless it is a hobby.

- avoid relationship until your life is in order. Huge time sink and ruins concentration.

- stop reading crap (politics, twitter... )

Diagnosis: bored.

See other comments on interest. I'll address your thoughts. You're speaking casually, but your exaggerations can be dangerous when you're vulnerable:

> nothing sticks.

Not literally true that "nothing" sticks, since you later mention things you recall.

> I fail to understand, fail to recognize patterns

There's partial understanding and levels of understanding. You can notice progress by comparing your present understanding with before.

> am too slow to understand simple concepts

Here you admit you do gain understanding, but dismiss it. What is the threshold for fast enough?

> and never retain anything.

Again, not literally true that "nothing" is retained.

> Occasionally understand the individual concepts of something but then her completely lost when they're all combined in some applied method.

Again, you admit understanding, but dismiss it because of difficulty in the next step. Also, "completely" lost is not literally true.

---

These casual exaggerations are dangerous when you start to believe them, because they aren't literally true. Changing them won't solve the problem completely, but you'll see it more clearly and that helps to solve it! Advice:

  notice what you _have_
  retained/understood/applied
  (especially in contrast with before)

[But the real problem is boredom]

We only live once! Respect yourself and your feelings! Don't waste your energy listening to opinions of how you are supposed to feel, they are not you! People love to throw the buzz word around as if coding is the best thing ever...! The end users don't care! Employeers don't care! The people you create this things for don't care about how you feel! Find something that makes you happy and has a meaning in yours and other people's life! Beware that a lot of the people that tells you to take a break and that you're just tired, are not that sympathetic when you'd try to get back to the job market, where they'd ask you to go through 5 stage interviews and totally waste your time for no other reason then their own bullshit job. Be careful!

If you do want to try later on and do something related with tech, not necessarily as a coder, have in mind the bizarre startup world! A lot of people get funding for simple business ideas! So try to live a fulfilling life and if you ever want to comeback do your own business and create a nice work environment for your team!

Hard to offer any kind of constructive advice without some indication of your personality or what you do enjoy.

I'm skeptical of the idea that you're not smart enough. In my experience, becoming a good programmer requires some relatively low-threshold capacity for logical thinking combined with a tenacity for debugging and understanding how things work. Being a genius who picks up math and CS concepts quickly is far from required.

If you struggle with patterns and applications but are bored by simple CRUD apps then it may be the case that you just don't like programming that much. That would certainly make it very difficult to learn and retain anything.

Overall though, you sound more depressed than anything. If that is the case then it colors all perception of what you enjoy or don't enjoy, and probably should be addressed directly before making any major career decisions.

The only fun I've ever had programming was making video games.

You don't have to be super smart to make games and I don't think you even have to like them. It's more the rich visual feedback that makes it fun. A game engine is like a giant virtual playground for your code.

And in video games there isn't really a "right way" to do anything. There are always weird problems to solve and hacky solutions are fun and even expected. It's the only programming where I've had some laugh out loud moments, like "why are the trees inside out and spinning around?"

There are some great game dev postmortems where you learn about the beautiful horrors going on behind the scenes to make a vision a reality. Game dev is forgiving like that. From the book 3D Math Primer for Graphics and Game Development: "If it looks right, it is right".

I don't think you are supposed to "find your dream job" or whatever. Work is just a slice of life, and I think you should try to find something outside work that makes you happy (art? forming a serious relationship and devoting yourself to it? anything, really). If you are so lucky that you work in IT, you don't have to do much more than the minimum to live a relatively comfortable life, and be able to concentrate on things outside of your work. That world is much bigger, and you surely can find something that makes you feel fulfilled.

It's interesting to me that you say you did software development as a hobbyist before you made it your job. So presumably there was something that interested you enough to pursue it in your spare time. It would be interesting to know more about what does interest you, as opposed to the things that don't. Maybe you could provide more info?

I agree with commentators who say software development can be a terrible job if you aren't really interested in it. I knew a lot of young consultants at Accenture when I worked there in the early 90s who hated the programming roles they were expected to do for the first couple of years. But most of them were not from comp sci backgrounds, and wanted to move into management consulting roles as quickly as possible.

Based on your comments about having trouble learning and generalizing, it sounds like you might be happier in a more process-oriented role. Or maybe you would be happier in a role that was more focused on personal interaction?

Even CRUD apps can have fun stuff: APIs, live GUI updates for everyone else logged in when a user makes a change, security (both designing and pentesting), building your own toolbox for accelerating development of the next one, usage monitoring etc. Some of these will impress clients and make your superior recognize you as a talent. This will make it more fun and open up new possibilities all by itself.

just to add in -

you're not slow, you're probably average. When you start working, all the things you can learn in a weekend quickly evaporate within 1-2 years of your working career. The only things left to learn are those that take 3 months or more.

These things take the right mindset to learn - continuing to think about them, tackle them, ignoring failure and coming back to it over and over because that's the nature of 3 month learning projects.

You may think you're stupid but you're probably average for a programmer. I do agree with the rest of the thread, you're lacking the spark - the thing that other people have that allows them to persist despite the challenge to figure it out.

Take a personality test, like MBTI, and use it to figure out your preferences. Introverted Feelers are usually smart enough (NFs) to do programming but hate it, it could describe yourself.

Sadly most people aren't particularly enthusiastic about their work, which is probably a huge waste of human potential, but it's not an unusual situation to be working just to pay the bills. Paying bills is good.

It's probably a good idea to keep your day job while you develop interests outside of work and investigate other job options. School can be good, but it can also saddle you with expensive student loans that take several decades to pay off.

HI, have you been screened for ADHD/ADD? A number of the things you've said sound familiar to me. ADHD (generally) gets worse as you get older.

Do art. Find passion. Do passion.

Or,

Find love. Have children. Be a great parent.

Coding is just a tool, a means to an end, not a career. If you don't like using a keyboard/multimeter/hammer, don't work in an area that requires a keyboard/multimeter/hammer.

Painting and parenting can both be very rewarding, and make you very happy over a lifetime.

As for money, enough to get by, can be enough. Life doesn't have to be about ways to get money.

I had friends drop out of CS degree or IT career - they each went on to become successful at health & safety, physical education, statistics and formal project management. Theres limitless options but narrowing down your next move is the hard part... what aspects of work do you enjoy and perhaps go from there? dont kick yourself over choosing the wrong path, hindsight is 20:20

I am a software engineer. At least, that is what my job title says. However, I would also find coding CRUD apps boring as hell. What I really am is a problem solver. Currently, I solve problems using code. I think the trick is to get into a company that has problems that interest you. Personally, I work with hardware and embedded systems.

As for understanding new tools and techniques, I'm never able to do it unless I have a real problem that I'm working on that requires it. Toy problems and coding exercises won't work because the problem is contrived and isn't a real problem that needs fixing. Math, especially, is a wonderful tool, but I'm not interested in it for its own sake. This doesn't mean you are stupid.

So, figure out what you want to be doing and figure out who's doing it. If you are young enough to return to schooling, you are probably young enough to get an entry level position if your skills are a bit weak in the required area.

I started with programming as hobbyist. I never actually studied it (beside some basics which I already known when they teach me that).

I ended up writing CRUDs, various data converters and fixing bizzare bugs in legacy software. Slowly I lost interest in programming and I discovered that I am no longer interested in new tech. I completely missed javascript hype train for example.

But it's OK. It's just a job. I have other hobbies/friends to feel fullfilled.

Also - I keep programming as hobby. I just more interested WHAT I am doing instead HOW I am doing that (which is just usually easiest path).

For example - I really started digging into audio programming - basically coding my own VSTs in Csound/Cabbage. That's really interesting stuff and also sometimes very challenging, because it involves math which I am generally struggling with (I had diagnosed discalculia back at the school).

For example: I just spend two days (!) inventing this little piece of code: f(k,n) = (k * n) - (k-1)

How long have you been programming professionally? Do you think you are giving yourself a fair assessment based on how long you have been working in the industry? I ask to rule out the possibility that you are being hard on yourself or maybe have imposter syndrom. you say you find crud app building easy, this is not a statement which the general non-it population could say. Did you attend courses before working (university, college etc.)? Do you have good on the job mentorship or are you trying to figure everything out yourself? Do you have a person who is more senior who can give you honest constructive feedback and guidance?

If youve already made the decision you are leaving programming... Can you think of things you have enjoyed about your career to date (i.e. coding, testing, designing, meeting people etc)? and what was it that steered you towards the career in the first place?

Have you looked into computer networking and other IT-type topics? I’ve often found that networking specifically uses different skills and is suited for different people than programming. It’s more about systems, rather than logic, which (personally) I find more in-tune with my mental makeup.

You are smart enough to be a programmer, you just have misconceptions about what programmers are supposed to be.

All that really matters is if you can build things that work.

People who can do the above will get paid, can even be CTOs.

So what if Google wouldn't want you as a programmer, that's for a particular type of person.

Firm but necessary feedback:

When I read this I see me me me me me me me me me.

Think of things in terms of how you are helping others instead of so selfishly about yourself. The world doesn't exist to serve you. What are you expecting, some amazing job to fall down from the sky that is all about you and everything you want? Doesn't work that way! You need some career capital. What value can you provide in exchange for these things you are asking for? If you want an interesting and fun career you need to be skilled enough at something to counter balance the value you receive.

More concretely: there is a fantastic book called "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport. Give that a read and it will provide guidance and a new framework with which to see the world.

Do you enjoy creating stuff with the tools?

I've been interested in programming since I was a teen, but it was always the applied side - I enjoy building stuff, and the tools are just like any other tools you'd use.

I don't find the tools or methods particularly interesting, not nearly interesting enough to devote a huge part of my time to study them extensively.

And it was with that realization that I understood the following: I will never become a good computer scientist, theoretical or practical.

So my solution was simple: Do not chase, or focus jobs which require a passion or deep interest in computer science, because:

1) There are far more highly intelligent and highly passionate programmers out there, that are genuinely interested in the theory and technicalities. I will never be able to compete with those.

2) I will burn out spending my days on something which does not naturally interest me (enough to do it for min. 8 hours a day)

3) My energy should be directed at being more productive, where I can actually show good results. We have a finite amount of time to do something, so don't waste it.

All these realizations came during college. Some of my classmates would read books on compilers in their spare time, because they simply could not wait for the classes (which we had a year later).

Compilers are fascinating on a high level, but not fascinating enough for me to read whole books on them.

Furthermore - to me, proof of concept (and novelty) is more fascinating than the optimal solution.

There are lots of jobs for both types, you just need to find out what really tickles you, and follow that lead. As others have said, bridging fields ("businessman" and "developer", etc.) can be really rewarding.

Think of something that really interests you; Anything! And then try to find out how you can enhance that with development. Do it because it's fun, not because it's something you feel like forcing yourself to do.

I would be grateful you have a job; most software engineering jobs pay relatively well. Be grateful for this pay.

Find something outside of work that excites you if work doesn't excite you. Work isn't everything. If the actual thing you do at work doesn't excite you, try making friends at work who do excite you.

If writing simple CRUD apps is boring, it sounds like you actually have some aptitude afterall. If it's boring, try to find the sweet spot of challenge with capability. It sounds like you are capable of more than what you are doing now, so gravitate in that direction and move from there.

What subject excites you that doing a course on Coursera or Udemy, for example, doesn't make you feel like, "Groan, 6 hours a week x 6 weeks?!"? Do that course + talk on the Coursera forum with other students and reach out to folks in the industry who'd value seeing that certification on your resume / LinkedIn.

About feelings: you have to feel your feelings, but productivity is difficult if you're always feeling down. Don't beat up yourself, which adds a 2nd layer of sadness to an already sad situation. Get enough sleep and work on things that excite you.

Fear of change keeps you locked into misery. If at all possible take steps to get a new vision of your future and change careers, cos your current vision of your future is sounding pretty bleak (at least from your perspective).

If you need encouragement, try and find others stories of career change, and how they did it - there are plenty of them out there.... From https://www.ambisie.com/st/kerry-kitzelman :

"Some jobs can be like golden handcuffs. They pay well but you feel trapped by them. You are afraid to step out and make a change in case you wind up worse than before. Some jobs are like cardboard handcuffs, they pay nothing but you still allow yourself to be trapped by them because of fear of the unknown.

Making a decision to change may indeed result in your fears being realised, but facing that fear gives you the courage to overcome.

Since the day I decided to cut the umbilical cord to poorly paid employment, I have not been afraid to apply for any position I think I might enjoy and be rewarded for. It sometimes means steep learning curves and working harder than anyone else on your team, especially those that have the experience you don't. But the reward is that the world opens up to you. There is so much more opportunity than you could possibly have imagined."

If you like to work by your hands, there are vast amount of opportunities out there. And it's perfectly fine to pursue a career as an electrician or a cook et cetera. It may not be rocket science but with the satisfaction of getting things done and having satisfied customers and good co-workers, it can be fun.

But if you really can't think of anything that suits you or motivates you, then I think the problem is your own behavior and thinking patterns, that you need to change. You seem to have gotten stuck in a rut, so a nice break from it in a form of say school doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Don't however, let the fallacy of sunk cost misguide you. Just because you have been doing software development doesn't mean you can't switch to manual labour. Or that your next job has to be somehow related to your current. Listen to your own emotions and thoughts, don't let the past weight you down.

For example, that one very good programmer and Youtuber, bisqwit, actually works as a bus driver. Which I think is really encouraging in showing that even if you are really good at something (or you like to do as your hobby), doesn't mean you have to pursue it as your career.

It might help us to know what hobbies/interests you have. Do you like animals or plants? Getting involved in horticulture may be very good for your long term health. In fact, most people would benefit... https://blog.strong-brain.com/outdoors-for-physical-mental-h...

Figure out what makes you happy while you do the bare minimum and use your nights and free time to make it happen, It's hard to sludge you anything you don't like, and it's hard to tell someone "I hate my well paying career", without sounding ungrateful. Don't let yourself believe this is an intellectual fault, not being a technical person doesn't mean you're dumb.

I sense a frustration with status quo. As always it's a spectrum of causes. Job, or purpose may just be one. Important one, no doubt, but sometimes not the decisive one. Young hearts are movable, so are their minds, given enough interest either from within or from outside.

Being you, I'd first try to figure out how much money I need to feel comfortable. Then ask if I can afford to be less comfortable and for how long. Then I'd look if anyone else depends on me for their comfort.

Finally, I'd try to imagine what I'd do in my free time should I forget about all of the above. AND for how long would I be ready to stay oblivious in that.

If I see myself making money while doing that thing that I imagined, I try to write it down and later figure out a plan to make that happen... eventually.

Meanwhile, I'd take some rest and solve something approacheable. This will sure be a booster, to start believing that you've got that thing that you think matters in life. And you can make it better!

If you're employed as a programmer and not being fired for incompetence, then you are actually smart enough to be a programmer.

I'd like to quote the inestimable and late Richard Feynman here.

“Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible.”

“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing.”

When was the last time you were working on something and lost track of time? This an indicator that you were in a flow state. Dont go for something you love doing - not everyone has that. Find something you can focus on, and that you can zone out while doing. This is honestly all most people can hope for.

This sounds kindof like a pathological mode of thinking I sometimes get into. So here’s what I do to escape that mode of thinking/feeling when I find myself in it. Hopefully it will help.

If you find yourself having trouble figuring something out, do not beat yourself up over how much trouble you’re having. That type of thought takes you down a really rough negative spiral.

Instead, focus on your desire and will to figure it out or get it done. Believe in your ability to figure it out and then go prove yourself right by using your will to do so to power the work that will get your where you want to go.

You have the power to pull yourself out of the rut, and you can get help from folks like counselors and peers too. But fundamentally, I have found that it takes a strong internal will to get out of a rut. I think that you can find that will and act upon it.

Certainly smart enough to do the vast majority of work in professional software dev which is basically CRUD, and smart enough to realize that it is easy and boring. I'd go back to school anyway and see of there's not some research in any other field you might be interested in.

Do you find you have problems concentrating and focusing on things that interest you? Also, do you by any chance do a lot of high dopamine low effort activities (eg, videogames, social media, television, recreational drugs, junk food)? If yes to both then perhaps try a dopamine “detox” to reset your receptors.

I found that I was finding it harder and harder to do things that take effort, even if they interested me (programming for work or fun, reading mom-fiction material, chores, etc) but instead spent a lot of time on HN (errr..), youtube, playing videogames, eating junk food... By abstaining from all stimulating activities, to make “low dopamine” the new normal, I could make the payoff of high effort activities worthwhile again. Concentration and motivation improved.

I often worry about this myself, and I highly agree with what some others are saying: find a problem/task that interests you or is worth solving - and work on it until it's solved, regardless of how difficult it is or inadequate it may make you feel by not understanding it at first. If you can't find a challenge, then maybe try going out of your way to add new feature /functionality to your CRUD apps. The challenges are always there if you keep an eye out.

Again,I really believe its more about preserveerance and interest, not inherent intelligence. If you can build and maintain CRUD apps without an issue, then with time and effort I am certain you could progress to other more interesting challenges given enough effort.

So, by your own admission, you aren't intelligent enough to excel in your current profession. You're not interested in pivoting to adjacent fields. Your constraints are basically that you're not capable of, or interested in, any technical, or tech adjacent, fields. HN might have a hard time helping you here, since the fields you're ruling out are exactly what the site focuses on.

It sounds like you're basically at square one. Do you have another skill set? Are you particularly interested in some other field? It's difficult for a stranger to give you life advice when all we know is what you are not interested in or capable of. Tell us more about what does feel engaging for you, and we may be able to help more.

> I've tried to branch out into a number of different things, but nothing sticks. I fail to understand, fail to recognize patterns, am too slow to understand simple concepts and never retain anything.

I am doing my Masters in Statistics after doing my BS in Computer Science. It was overwhelming and like you, I felt I do not understand even the basic concepts and it takes longer to grasp the simpler concepts. But I realized I just have to spend more time on topics I do not understand and ask for help from my peers.

From my experience, in terms of learning new subject, I think what you are feeling/facing is expected and you just have to push through it.

You say you’re stubborn on what you take an interest in. Could you expand on that?

The other prompt that felt interesting to me was that you feel an intellectual limitation in terms of what you retain, what does that look like in practice?

Are there any activities that you enjoy doing for hours at a time without draining you?

You might want to use that as a starting point and then branch out.

Alternatively, it seems like you might be struggling with anxiety/impatience and you might want to work on that instead of trying to reorient your external life.

Some suggestions: try exploring mindfulness and meditation, it's pretty easy to get started with an app like HeadSpace. Also, I would highly recommend the book The Charisma Myth, it's pretty simple and has some excellent exercises to deal with a range of impairing feelings/emotions in an effective way.

I feel bad that you are experiencing this problem. If "promoters" stopped putting out ridiculous "call to code" YouTube videos etc. you and many others will probably not be having this problem.

I feel you buddy. Programming can be painful if not born to it. Find some other means of telling your story; blog, animation, graphic novel, public speaking, or spray paint on the subway walls.

Have you thought about jobs that involve some sort of manual labor / physical activity? Maybe you have "physical" intelligence (it's a thing) or perhaps something more aligned with creative arts? Try doing a bunch of different things. If you're not strapped for money, see if you can shadow a bunch of different careers and see which one sparks interest in you. I agree that it has to do with interest, not aptitude.

Something no-one else has mentioned yet is learning methods. Stuff might not be sticking because you're using the wrong learning method for you. Instead of reading a book, maybe watch a video tutorial instead, learn by doing etc, get a mentor to pair program with?

Also look up 'imposter syndrome', it does sound a lot like you're suffering from self-esteem issues too so maybe get someone to talk with?

Hey. Kind of same here. I’m a good programmer but not motivated enough to really get to grips with the difficult and low-paying fields I’m interested in. Here’s a lazy solution: cut down your hours. Work 4 days or less. If programming’s already so boring, then there’s not much downside to picking a boring well-paid field to offset the salary loss. Use your time to do things you care about instead.

I think I see a lot of people in the potential career changes who have a similar attitude, which unfortunately continues the (probably not untrue) perception of BAs, sales and management who don't know shit. Please don't add to this by saying "I don't like development and don;t think I'm very good at it, so instead I'll become a manager of developers".

I felt a bit similar and what I had to do is actually think and even write down what kind of activities really interests me, give me energy and inspire me. It was quite an interesting mix of tech, teaching, community service, working with youth. Now I try to slowly move to that and so far I feel much better. I wish you good luck!

throwaway88p, I think you actually seem to a very mentally healthy guy, despite what the nerds over here suggest. The obsession to solve intellectual problems for the sake of solving problems with no grounding in reality ( or a made up reality) is what is glorified by these nerds here. While this obsessive trait (hard wired) does result in some extraordinary benefits for humanity, it is not mentally rewarding for someone who can see it for what it is i.e grunt work.

The ability of be bored is I think just an important useful neuro-mental process, just like the ability to forget. depending of which side you lean it may be useful or be a liability under different circumstances.

To end on a pessimistic note, one cannot manufacture interest, unless we come up with a way to skillfully manipulate our neuro hard wiring. I think we a long way off from achieving that.

Do you feel passionate about any particular subject, trade, or issue at all, regardless of whether or not it's connected to tech?

Reminds me of this famous scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wu2HhlTEHMc

Not sure why you've phrased all these things as negatives. Whenever I'm faced with something similar I don't wonder if I'm the problem but that the existing material and advice was not meant for people like me and I should look for a way to help myself and those like me.

you say you started doing programming as a hobby which means it used to be fun, right?

you might want to isolate the aspects of what made it fun back in the days when it was a hobby and what makes it dreadful at the moment and find yourself something which include the first, but lacks the later.

personally i think the attractive side of being a developer is creating something. reading you're not interested in business side of tech (analyst, salesman, management) you might want to explore other crafts which maintain the creative part.

that could be anything really. i myself started out as a graphic designer before i got involved in programming which might be something you want to explore...

Try psychotherapy. It is not going to change anything immediately, but maybe you'll start looking at your problem from a different angle and find out that the problem is not your dayjob.

I don't think theres such a thing as not smart enough to be a programmers. One of the dumbest people I knew was also one of the better programmers.

I would not consider myself very smart.

Took me multiple years, probably a decade between my first hello world and my first job, to become a programmer.

I just didn't give up

Can you remember a time when coding sparked joy in your life? What made you interested in cs? Try to go back to the inspiration.

It sounds like you're looking for growth and significance but need direction. Listen to the Ken Coleman podcast.

Can totally relate.

25 years as system administrator and I DO NOT want to do DEVops nor SRE.

Not sure where to go myself....

Read Scott Adams Book on how to be successful , in a nutshell, be the only one who is in the top twenty percent of 5 to 10 disciplines and you’ll be absolutely unique and valuable and create something only you can create.

What about quantum physics or something like that?

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Einstein, maybe

have you tried taking a break and going on vacation and not think about tech at all?

Game design? Story telling? UX?

Drink more water.

UX design?

This sounds like depression to me. You're having trouble finding activities that interest you and feeling pessimistic about the future. It's easy to get stuck thinking that everything is hopeless or you're going to feel like this forever.

Try taking some time off to decompress and talking to a psychologist. It's a slow process and it can be very challenging but with time you can start getting excited about new challenges again.

I'm going to buck the trend here and say that if intelligence is approximately normally distributed, there will always be some proportion of the population that doesn't meet the minimum in the necessary dimensions.

The point is not to demoralize someone, but to prevent them from spending a lifetime of angst and anguish in a field that is not totally beyond their grasp but always just far enough above their head to keep them questioning themselves constantly.

OP, it sounds like you've given this a shot and it didn't quite stick. Maybe it's time to try something else. For what it's worth, I felt the same for much of my education, studying physics and passing curved tests but never really feeling like I understood mathematics - and it's a terrible feeling to be somewhere where everyone presumes that anyone is capable of anything while you're here struggling.

I did manage to complete my degree but I ended up specializing in something where I could leverage the mathematical intuition I developed without having to fake my way through actual math, and I'm fairly successful. Perhaps you can do something similar.

The way the entire thread bends over backwards to find something "wrong" with OP, some external, fixable explanation, is counterproductive. These sorts of expectations are good to have but if they are not grounded in the reality of individual ability, they can lead to serious mental health problems.

Welcome to adulthood. Work is often unpleasant.

You don't need more school, you need to find a healthier attitude, and maybe coworkers you get along better with.