Next evening, dinner time, the same pattern repeated. Mouth went bitter and the panic was overwhelming. I went to the local family doctor and he thought it was a panic attack, and gave me Xanax (Alprazolam 0.25mg). I took one, and slept soundly. I am really worried about getting dependent on it and want to use it only as a last resort.
I am healthy, and I burn about 500 calories daily exercising (about 5Kms / 3mil run). I also tried meditating (Mindfulness) and it was useful one night, but on most nights over the past 2 weeks my heart has been pounding, and I sleep only 2-3 hours.
I feel a sense of relief when I am outdoors (no lock-down in the city I live and weather is hot and humid). The minute I enter the apartment, the heart starts pounding again.
My wife, fortunately works from home and this is has been very helpful (we do not have kids).
It will be very helpful to hear if anyone else has experienced this and to hear what helped you.
I am a regular contributor here, but using a throwaway handle.
Thanks.
Different people respond to different things. Consider
* cognitive-behavioral therapy (one of the most clinically proven therapies for anxiety but can be formulaic and impersonal) -- sometimes available by an app
* talk therapy (available online)
* meditation (people say it takes time to develop skill at it, so you might see better results if you can make it a regular practice)
* a psychiatrist can also prescribe an antidepressant such as an SSRI (for some people this can greatly reduce panic symptoms, and it doesn't have the same addiction/dependency possibilities of benzodiazepines like Xanax; note that it can take two weeks to feel the effects and can also require several weeks to stop without withdrawal symptoms, plus you might have to experiment for a few weeks to figure out which SSRIs you do or don't respond well to)
* reading online materials by psychologists and philosophers about coping methods (including grief and acceptance https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-gri...)
* some people benefit from increased social contact (and touch!) so consider video calls with friends and family (you don't necessarily have to talk about the panic with them) or more time cuddling with your wife
* some people benefit from keeping a journal (with various strategies about what kinds of things to record in it)
* some people benefit from pursuing a hobby that gives a sense of control or mastery, or of flow/immersion
* being helpful to others can sometimes help too (volunteer work, group therapy, checking in or just chatting with elderly or isolated people)
* some people may like some kind of gentle movement practice (yoga, tai chi, dance), which you can do during a panic attack to try to occupy yourself with something other than the panic or to try to remind yourself of feelings of comfort and familiarity
* you can consider buying a book about dealing with anxiety disorders; there are many "workbooks" for sale online which will give you exercises to work through (usually CBT but also other approaches), and also some overviews that describe different kinds of therapies and coping strategies for you to consider
I hope one or more of these things will help you somehow.
I would also add that you don't need to feel guilty for having panic attacks. Our capacity for anxiety evolved to protect us. While it can be a source of incredible distress, it's a part of our psychology that's there to help us -- and huge numbers of people are struggling to figure out how to deal with uncertainty and problems that are unprecedented in our lives. Anxiety disorders are probably on the rise all over the world; your reaction is not unusual and is something that millions of others have dealt with or are dealing with too.