To add insult to injury, I feel very lonely even though I have 4-5 friends with whom I talk once in a while.
I am already seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist, having said so, they have not been able to address and help me out in questions like "I feel like even though I like a variety of fields, I at the same time have failed in every attempt I've had in studying "insert x field" since I was 16 years old".
BTW, I am a 20 year old male from Spain who dropped out of uni during my freshman year in CS after failing every single subject I had, and 3 months ago I dropped out of vocational school where I was studying Robotics & Automation. I was only to graduate from High School even though I failed 2 core subjects (biology and chemistry) because of the "mercy" of the respective teachers that taught me those subjects.
I objectively think I am a failure because of the reasons described beforehand & other causes.
Therefore, what are some help/advice/mentoring resources online both free and/or paid that could help me out in my current situation?
Thanks in advance.
Find a source of income that will allow you time to explore new possibilities - outside of school. There's a whole world out there. There are countless ways to live that you haven't heard of yet, or had time to consider. You can't 'objectively' be a failure ... unless you fail yourself.
I agree with some comments about you to focus on getting more of a Culture growth that trying to hard to have hard skills. However building projects with a meaningful outcome, interact with others in what you want to be your work later, or just try to get both Culture and Skills at the same time.
If you have time we could do a live ! I'm full stack programmer with 12 years of Work experience.
My youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCW7WUg3fWY4QHQTNsSEdNFQ
20, 20, what 20.
listen to me, you have not failed at anything, anything. this is the time to make mistakes here. gohead f'up. make mistakes. your are only 20. take risk, you have more upside then downside.
TRUST me, you will figure it out.
I dismissed the importance of many aspects of the above for many years before I saw the importance for myself.
In practical terms, what I mean is that unless you're physically healthy you won't be able to operate at anywhere near optimal mental capacity.
This can affect your focus, mood and motivation - for example you can work on your projects but don't manage to complete as much as you like. I was always dismissive because I thought "I don't have depression, I'm fine" and then neglected my health. My killer issue was sleep - I was fit, healthy, confident, successful, but operating on 3-4 hours sleep a night. Only in hindsight can I see how that affected so many years of my life. Correcting that did wonders in weeks.
Specific things to focus on:
- Get enough sleep (7-8 hours+)
- Get consistent sleep (Read up on sleep hygiene, you need consistency)
- Get to the gym and lift weights x3+ weekly (Especially as a male. Develop your body and your mind will follow. Heavy weights, compound lifts)
- Eat a healthy, whole foods based diet (If you're eating like crap, how can you expect to function well)
Maybe you have all this sorted already. But otherwise, take a few steps back and look at your priorities. Investing in yourself is the best thing you can do.
Step 2: Realize that you are alive and breathing is the greatest thing. I mean we are all mortal and could be gone anytime. I cannot understate the importance of reminding ourselves about this.
Step 3: Realize that Success and Failure are 2 sides of the same coin. Success and Failure are also 2 constructs/labels of society. Honest to God, let me tell you nobody knows what they are doing and why. So you are in a somewhat better situation in terms of looking at what you really want right now. Go inside yourself and introspect. Forget about what society considers Success and Failure.
Step 4: Realize that you can only do things to the BEST OF YOUR ability. Which means forget about what others are doing.
Step 5: Balance. I mean inner balance. Don't even try anything without setting course inside first.
So to summarize, go to a quiet place wherever, relax and sit around and introspect for a few days even a month. And do whatever it takes to find "unshakeable" balance inside, meaning no desperation/fear. >Do whatever you want. And this only you know for yourself. Nobody can tell you.
Edit: (ps: some things I have learned for myself about the nature and purpose of life, and no longer have to ask anyone else or wonder. The same is available to you to determine, if you want.)
pps: I have also learned that each person has infinite worth: that means you, right now, have infinite worth: Ud. mismo tiene valor infinito. Don't let your self-view be determined by comparison to your perception of what others are doing. There is so much more.... No deje nunca que sus pensamientos consideren que Ud. no tenga valor.
To do that, the best advice I can give you is Travel (obviously once the corona thing is taken care of). Travel a lot and do travel on shoestring budget. This gives you the opportunity to meet new people, new geographies and help you cultivate new ideas and slowly form a picture of your life on your own.
This also helps you in start to focus on others instead of your own self at all times.