How so? I doubt it. That sounds like a terrible life, with no enjoyment in it of any kind. A life worth living doesn't build itself! Really sounds like you are torturing yourself. Being very mean to yourself. It's easy to do - we aren't taught that you are someone in your life you have to be kind to, the most important person in fact, as it's virtually impossible to love others while being so mean to yourself. I had to learn about loving myself. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you really love.
Imagine someone you really really love, then you forcing them to live how you are living. Doing a job they hate, no friends or family visits, not involved in anything, no joy or pleasure in life.. It would be obvious that it's a very cruel way to treat someone, amounting to torture. People don't enjoy those things, or being deprived of so many things. What things do people enjoy? Imagine a rich, fulfilling life, and work on giving that to the person you love - yourself.
Self-help books helped me a lot with this stuff. They're the main thing that helped, I guess, apart from being directly inspired by other people and inspiring books. Everyone has their own favourites, but some that helped me - SARK's first half-dozen books, Paul Kurtz Exuberance, Carol Lloyd Creating a Life Worth Living, Joanna Field/Marion Milner's books starting with A Life of One's Own, Richard Bach books, Austin Kleon books, Zen and the Art of Making a Living, Tristine Rainer The New Diary, Ben Zander The Art of Possibility, Gracian's The Art of Wordly Wisdom. Montaigne. Plutarch. Emerson. Susan Faludi's Stiffed may help you understand yourself, your world, your work, your life better than any of these. Good luck!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. – Oscar Wilde