This has lead to an unfortunate situation whereby I have absolutely zero social interactions, save for talking to strangers on IRC. I don't trust my family.
How do you fix this? Where do you meet people? It seems like whenever you casually talk to people, the whole thing just falls apart like a house of cards when they ask you what you do in your spare time or such. Why, yes, I work and I discuss work stuff with strangers on the Internet.
I was in the same boat a few years ago and I chose improv as my activity. Choose something that you do with other people live.
Once you choose your activity. Be the guy that's always down to do stuff. Be the guy that is always willing to host a get together or hang out after the activity.
I highly recommend improv just because it's so social and it's lots of fun. It also takes everyone out of their comfort zones and everyone starts off on the same foot which gives you a sense of family.
I haven't made any friends like I did back when I was growing up, and tbh I dont think that's very possible anymore.
On the other hand, I do socialize a lot better than I used to and do have some acquaintances I hang out with on occasion. After I moved about four or five months ago, I started to go to a meetup. It wasnt about anything particular (tbh I find many tech meetups boring), and was mainly just about meeting up at a bar or restaurant with other people who lived in the area. From there a lot of people had other groups, interests, etc. and I was able to meet people that had at least some things in common with me.
You're fortunate in that you do spend time talking with strangers on IRC. I actually spend very little time talking to people except in person and I routinely find myself isolated if I'm not constantly pushing myself to reach out to my friends.
From the sound of it, small talk could be a challenge for you. It's definitely a skill and I'd recommend you take note of the points in conversations where you've had trouble and spend time coming up with responses you'll feel confident in using. This is a strategy I've used since my early 20s for everything from casual conversations to interviewing to sales/investor pitches. It takes time and at the end of the day you'll have to accept that we all have our fair share of blunders.
I'd recommend writing out your challenges and trying to break them down as much as possible. It makes it easier to then focus on one area at a time: - Overcoming any shyness or social awkwardness you might feel when approaching someone you don't know. - Becoming a better conversationalist to be able to keep the flow of a conversation going. - Meeting new people who you share some common ground with. - Building friendships with those acquaintances. - And finally, over a longer period of time, deepening those relationships.
Some of these or all of these could be things you want to focus on. From there, switch into problem solving mode and Google your way to success. For me, this has been a lifelong challenge of mine. I love meeting and talking to new people but being a remote worker as well as a homebody can make for a lonely lifestyle if I'm not paying close attention.
I wish you the best of luck out there!
The ultimate players I know are really pretty nice people. They are accepting of a fair amount of incompetence on the field (looking at myself here). They're not going to reject you because you're old, or female, or unskilled, or clumsy. (Your results may vary with any particular group, of course.)
Consider volunteer activities: for instance a soup kitchen, or a ham radio club that does comms for bike races.