Lost in Life and at Work, Help?

No specific advice, but if I had it to do over again, I'd spend a lot more time with my kids and family, and less on tech.

I think you're describing what keeps many of us working in tech; an unceasing itch to learn and tinker. It's a good thing though - you can't be successful in this field without it. We all struggle with balancing that itch with the FTE and maintaining relationships - none of us have it figured out (I certainly struggle with it).

Look, all that aside, sometimes the best thing you can do is jump. Being in your comfort zone is a dangerous place that breeds complacency.

Here's advice from another almost 30 years old engineer :). So I might not have more experience, but here is how I think about things, maybe it helps.

I think the most important question is: What interests you? And I believe the answer should be more general than a specific technology such as AWS or GCP.

You said you would like to grow as an engineer. There are typically 2 directions - going more into managerial/leadership roles (e.g. staff engineer) or being more of an individual contributor (no management, only engineering). Good book on this - Radical Candor. It is also totally ok to switch between these roles.

About being afraid - what do you have to lose? With engineers being in such a high demand you definitely won't end up jobless. If you are thinking about doing it and are not happy with your current company, I'd say do it and fail as many times as needed until you get where you want to.

Another good way to learn and build a portfolio is doing a side project. You can then open-source it, write a blog post on it and sort of become an "expert" on that topic.

Regarding your wife and family, probably the best thing IMO would be to talk to them - explain them your position, ask for support and agree with them how it is going to work.

When I don't know what to do, what typically helps me is to take action. Any action. Once I start doing things, things start to unravel and become clearer very quickly.

Hope this helps!

1. talk to your family, let them know 2. think about what you'd like to learn - be specific 3. look for jobs in that area, and explain from the get-go that you'd like to learn-on-the-job (explain your expertise), and tell them that you're willing to take a loss-in-pay in the short term, just to prove yourself (thus, your truly desired salary will happen later).

If you can take a loss in the short term, and are actually willing to learn, I think you'll succeed long term.

Could more direct contact with your company's clients help? It might be advantageous for you, your company and its clients.

Thoughts from a 36yo engineer who has decided to transition away from IT:

Specialising in the areas you mention is a big bet, as it implies that the product / architectural approach will remain constant as time goes on. Except for enterprisey institutions like Oracle, SQL Server, or big ERP systems, this isn't really a tenable strategy as the rest of the industry carries on innovating.

Rather than specialising, the modern approach to longevity is learning. You can still carve out your preferred area (e.g. backend), but you must be prepared to move with the tides. You don't have to be an early adopter of every new hot, prototype tech that comes about, as that takes a lot of energy and can be frustrating. Instead, consult industry publications like InfoQ which cover more long-term patterns in the field, and use those to inform your choices of further investigation. This will expose you to actual use in the field, by other companies (e.g. how many seem to be using it, and what common failures are experienced). For example, microservices has been around since about 2010, and was borne (IMO) from Service-Oriented Architecture which was around since about 2005. If you take notice of the rise of cloud technology, you would be able to see the trend towards separating applications and separating processing.

Cloud and microservices, regardless of their foibles or unsuitability, are often a reality as the tech industry moves in a way that is not really very wise, and things are often rediscovered in different ways. As an alternative to embracing this "move with the tide" approach wholeheartedly, you could position yourself as a wise consultant-type figure (not necessarily an actual consultant, just an employee who has wisdom), and push for the right approach for a given situation. I would still keep abreast of trends though.

Something that has worked for me is doing university / polytechnic courses whilst working. This will add interesting flavour and variety for your mind to work on during the day, and you might discover a new interesting field (for me, it was people and HR, the role I'm now transitioning into). If you want to do this, I'd recommend the book: The HBR Guide to Changing Your Career (has advice on how to gradually incorporate more of what you want to be doing into your day job, safely).

Best of luck in your quest!

[Edit] You mention "good old RDBMS" which suggests a strong affinity to things in your comfort zone. I'd suggest Googling "Growth Mindset" and "Immunity to change" as tools to help you recover your curiosity. Remember: Don't focus on others already knowing a subject better than you, think about what you know now and improving that knowledge exclusively. Otherwise, you will always persuade yourself out of learning something.